uncle

Mrs. Neice

My uncle and I grew really close when I was in my late teens/twenties. I always felt so loved and well taken care of around him. We had a cute little banter going on because my uncle has a huge pot belly. Like wise, I have always had pretty large breasts. “boobs and belly” was our nickname that he gave to us. Our whole family new about it, it was a huge joke… or so I thought. Fast forward to year 25 and my parents, friends, and family were all together drinking. My uncle and I were in the kitchen alone, he was getting ready for bed and I was getting another drink. He gives me a big hug and kiss, and then sticks his tongue in my mouth. I pull back, completely unsure of what to do or how to act. He gives me another hug and goes to bed like nothing happened. I’m so shocked, but what do you do? This is my FAVORITE uncle! I continue drinking with the rest of the cousins and go to bed and pretend like it never happened. After all, he was drunk, so it’s probably nothing. Fast forward to year 27 my then boyfriend now husband meets my uncle for the first time and is immediately weirded out by him, but when he said something I brushed it off, “he’s always been like that. I’m his favorite niece that’s why.” I kept telling him. Year 28, my we run into Uncle at a public place and he yells “Boobs!!! Where did your hot boobs go?” (I had lost around 90 lbs by this time, and my boobs were significantly smaller) I don’t know why I felt so awkward that he had said that, specifically in front of my husband. But I brushed it off again because he was again, drunk, but my husband wouldn’t let it go. He kept explaining to me that it was wrong for him to speak to me that way and it made him feel uncomfortable to watch. Fast forward to last night – year 29- my mother and I are talking about feminism and how much we’ve learned and changed in the last two years. I casually mention something about my uncle and what my husband said about him. She tells me that had been going on since I was in my early teens. She always told him not to speak to me that way, and even went as far as to pull him aside at family functions to tell him not to sexualize me like that. Now I just look back at all the times we had together and I feel disgusted. The sexism is blatantly obvious now throughout our relationship and nearly every pet name and inside joke we have is about my body, or him sleeping with me. How did I go 29 years and not know this was happening? How did I think it was normal for so long? Now when I see him I just cringe and want to leave.

A good girl

A story from Finland. I was 12 when I was visiting my aunt and her husband like I often did. My aunt’s husband, let’s call him “Sami”, got drunk and started commenting my new, more feminine body in very inappropiate ways. When my aunt went to kitchen to do the dishes and I was left alone with Sami in the living room he started touching my breasts and thighs and said obscene things. I was so horrofied and shocked that I could not do anything but sit still. I had known Sami for years and considered him a safe nice adult and an authority. I was raised well, a good girl, it did not occur to me that I could, and SHOULD, say NO to an adult. The evening was terrible. Always when my aunt emerged from the kitchen me and Sami acted normal and when she went away Sami started touching me. To this date, when I’m 27, my aunt does not know. I only told my parents and they asked me what I wanted to be done, and I said I don’t want any drama, I was so ashamed. Of course my parents should have told the police and Sami should rot in jail. But they were schocked and ashamed too and on the other hand, sexual crimes in Finland are practically no crimes because no one gets a penalty. For years I tried to forget it all and did not think about it. When 10 years had passed and I was 22 I started to go through it again and realized that Sami must be a pedophile. I remember that when I was a small kid, like 7-10, he wanted to go in the elevator alone with me and he told that it is customary to kiss if two people are together in elevator. He just pecked me, so no long kisses, so I did not realize it was wrong although I hated it and did not want to do it. Soon I started saying that I always take the stairs and I developed a kind of phobia towards elevators. Also I remember that when we were in the archipelago where there are a lot of ticks, he wanted to do a tick-check to me every night, which meant that I had to undress and he watched me very closely from every angle. I felt very uncomfortable but he said it is important to find any ticks. When I now, as an adult, realise what that all was, I feel so sick and I hate him so much allthough I would like to be a good christian and forgive him. People like him should never be let alone with kinds and young kids should be taught that in certain occasions they can, and must, say no to adults.