I was back in my town after a long period of living abroad. In the first two days, while walking in the street, at least 3 men screamed things at me, ranging from “Hello!” in a flirtatious way to the typical whistling of “admiration”. None of them were acquaintances nor did I indicate I wanted any type of verbal contact with them.
I was hanging out with some friends and a criminal attorney we had met the night before. This man is very involved in justice cases and getting people off death row by proving their innocence. He made a comment about how someone commenting on my hips the night before was uncalled for. I agreed it was a little much, but the comment was at least done softly and not the worst of things I’ve heard from strangers about my body. Then this lawyer is about to show us a Youtube video documenting a bunch of his work. He leans into me and tells me, “Prepare to get moist.” I called him out on it later and he apologized. I told him it was surprising given his history and his apologetic behavior for someone else’s offensive actions.
A male classmate who is dating my close friend texted me that he gets turned on by me and shared information about his fetishes. All of this was unwanted. I avoid my friends so I don’t have to see him anymore.
I work for a church that provides a food pantry. Some of the men that come are very inappropriate, saying “Hey sexy” and “damn” and “I’m flirting with you.” I also experience this walking down the street, and riding public transportation. I’ve had men chase me down the street from the BART station to try and give me their phone number. I’ve had male parishioners call my husband “Mr. Pam.” I’ve had male lay leaders question my professional and personal experience, especially if it deals with anything mechanical. When I’ve reprimanded a volunteer for drinking on the job, he said “I don’t have to take this from a woman.”
There is something quite frightening about walking along a street, to and from lectures, and everyday have at least one catcall or honk of a car directed at me. I have found that if I tuck my long hair in my coat and pull up the zip, and if I keep my head down I get less unwanted attention. But why should I change my behaviour? Instead, I wish that people everywhere were told just how traumatic catcalling and car honking is. The process is usually (hopefully), very short and simple for the perpetrator, but the victim (and I will use that word) is left to feel embarrassed, ashamed, scared and wary. This is sexual harassment and this happens everyday to so many women and young girls. Instead of brushing it aside, we need to make it known that this sort of behaviour cannot and will not be tolerated. It is not a compliment. It is not funny. It is scary and it is real.
I’m currently working in a Wellbeing charity for a few months now and initially things were great in the organisation. However, after my female manager went on annual leave the CEO of the charity started to touch me inappropriately (such as stroking and rubbing my lower back, hands on my shoulders, squeezing) bullying and intimidation and invasion of my personal space as well. I later found out that his ‘touching’ was an ‘open’ secret in the organisation and he did it to many women. I felt disgusted that this CEO in his very late 50s, a married man was doing this to young women and vulnerable volunteers in this wellbeing charity. It was unwanted touching and I voiced my disgust and said ‘No’ and physically flinched from his unwanted gestures. I was quite shocked and did not report it initially as I thought it would stop once my manager was back. It did not unfortunately. I’ve had to take out a grievance as a last resort and although it is stressful and has caused me much stress and anxiety I strongly feel it was and is the right thing to do. Do not let anyone in a position of power do this to you, it’s unacceptable and illegal (please research Laws in your country and seek advice from employment help lines, I have found ACAS in the UK very supportive). I do not know the outcome of this grievance as the Board of Trustees Chair has yet to make a decision, I suspect much like the Jimmy Savile incidents in the UK they will be keen to sweep it under the rug. However, whatever happens I know I took a stand and said ‘NO’ and I hope and trust other people will also begin to say ‘NO’ to sexual harassment in the workplace.
My boss, old enough to be my father tried it on with me- He’d comment in front of my male-strong team on my ‘weight loss’ and ‘how it made me beautiful and attractive’, he even said that I ‘had a good bum’. But he was old enough to be my dad, and I wasn’t interested. So his harassment turned nasty and personal- he obliterated my character within my young career and lost me a new position that was going to lead to a doctorate, all because he lied about ‘my character’. When I reported it to HR, they moved me from my team and put me in a lower paid position working unsociable hours- my former ‘team mates’ didn’t bother to stand up for me. After a Psychological referral, a suicide attempt and loss of over 5 stone due to lack of eating I attempted to take legal action- to no avail. Now i’m working a job paying minimum wage and have to start from scratch regarding my career. Turns out that a First Class Honours degree from one of the best unis is nothing in comparison to a sexism and vile male boss. He kept his job, sanity and dignity whilst he stripped me of mine for good fun.