walking home

Maya Jackson

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I am currently reading girl up by Laura Bates and I didn’t think my situation was that bad. I am a TWELVE Year old girl from South Yorkshire I was in an English lesson and picked up this random book never heard of the author it looked cool I opened this book “WOW” I loved it at first sight. Anyways let’s get on with my story. I was walking home from school and I was happy that day, I had a good lunch I had been walking home laughing my arse off with my best mate and then I walked past my local shop and saw this man heading my way. I get a bad vibe and a good vibe from people and that man was not in my good vibe bubble. Turned out my guy was right he walked past me and my friend and looked at my arse and smiled and bit his bottom lip. I caught him lacking over a 12 year olds arse. He looked about 35 he definitely wasn’t under 16 so most definitely a pedophile. Bare in mind I had felt body positive and didn’t put on my blazer most the day so yes you could get I good guess of the shape of my arse in my skirt not being covered up by a blazer. Yet, the one day I felt confident my values got damaged by a nasty pervert walking up the road. I said to the man “exuse me?” And he went in my face and went GRR! I was having an excellent day then I got sexualised by a 35 year old man. I ran home crying and told my mum and my mum said I’m over reacting he was just looking at the floor. I wasn’t looked at like a young woman that day I was looked at as an object.

Jazz

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I was 10 or 11, and he was 14 I think. It was in the end of the day, I had just come home from school maybe and hour ago. I was at home (brother,sister,father,and my dad’s friend were home too) I was walking down the hoiallway and I had just walked past my brother slightly opened door. When he called out to me, and I had nothing to do so I called back saying I was coming. I pushed open his door, and looked up at him. (He was lying on his bed, but it was a top bunk so I couldn’t quite see him.) he said he wanted to show me something, so I went up closer so I could see what he wanted to show me. When I went up closer I saw what I now know was an erect penis. (I went to a catholic primary school, and I didn’t know anything about male anatomy at the time) I’m not sure what I did, but I think I made a weird face, and I was totally confused. He put it away in his pants and showed me a stuffed toy that he cut a whole into, (I’m sure you can guess for what reasons) Most of the details and the rest of what happened i can’t really remember. Is all very foggy, and I remember feeling icky for the rest of the day, and days after that as well. I didn’t know it was wrong so I didn’t tell anybody. I truthfully thought it was normal. I remember looking at him and seeing him days after, and feeling weird and awkward. Now that I think about it there were other times where my brother acted very sexually around me. One time he smacked me in the bum. There was another times when he asked me to sit on his lap I can’t remember for what reason. I did. And when I sat down he pushed himself against my bottom. There were times he would say very degrading things, and just all around be inappropriate. There are other times Where I walked home from school and I would notice cars going a bit slower when they passed me in my wind-blown skirt. Or feel unsafe when a group of older guys would pass me on the street. It absolutely sucks to feel that way. I feel like i might have selective amnesia maybe about some things that have happened to me in my past because they were to traumatic to have at the front of my brain. And it took me a while to remember what happened. I only remember because I watched the Netflix show Sex Education. And there is a part in the series where Aimee (one of the characters in Sex Ed) gets jizzed on by a man in the bus. (I actually found this site through a video on Netflix’s YouTube channel about Aimee’s story) and it made me think of times I felt uncomfortable and unsafe, or weird. And then I remembered what happened and it made me feel sick. I don’t know what to do to about it. I’m not sure if I should tell someone. The most frustrating part is that my brain keeps trying to discredit what happened to me. Like did that really happen? You did this for attention? Blah! blah! blah! But I didn’t my brother did. He did it because he wanted a reaction. No I’m not sure what you would even class this as. I looked up (I looked this up after remembering what happened to me) similar things, and the closest thing I could find was indecent exposure. But the definition says it’s when someone displays sexual organs in a public area where it is not wanted. And I’m thinking in my head, well that didn’t happen to you jazz, it wasn’t in a public place, and maybe you did want it. I didn’t even know what a fucking penis was for crying out loud. what happened to me was wrong, and it is wrong. And also the thing is is that my brother was 14 when he did that to me, would he even have punishment or consequences at that age. And as a women I am conditioned to go. Oh well he was just young and dumb. And that it was a boy being a fucking boy. I am done. This needs to stop. I am horrified at what I have come to realise about the world at this time of writing this I am 14. At one of the things that makes me so mad is that no one knew. No one asked me while I was weird around him. No one knew what head done. That’s what sucked the most I felt fully alone. And now I know that I am not. That that feels so good. 😉 Ps, sorry this was so long. I just needed to get it off my chest.

Anne

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I was walking home from a night out with my best friends. It was about 3 am and raining heavily so I had draped my jacket over my head. I heard a whistle behind me but shrugged it off, I thought it either wasn’t directed at me or that if it was, I would not want to give that human being any attention. After a couple of seconds I decided to cross the street and let anyone walking behind me pass before continuing, just to be safe. There was a guy walking behind me and he walked past where I was standing. After about 20 meters he turned around and started to talk to me. When I didn’t answer (obviously frightened and not in the mood) he asked if I had a weak character. At this point I lost it. I told him that most importantly, I had a pepper spray and that he should leave me alone. He walked away mumbling and I screamed if it were funny to frighten women. Unfortunately, my story doesn’t end there. I was still standing in the same spot, kind of huddled over in order to keep my jacket on my head whilst simultaneously trying to call a friend (I wanted somebody to talk to for the rest of my way home). This is when a group consisting of 2 girls and 1 guy passed. All that guy had to say was “Stand upright” as if I wasn’t on the verge of crying and obviously having some kind of problem. I did not expect him or them to help me, but is it too much to ask to shut your mouth?

Emie

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I’m 14 and I live in the uk. Every day I walk home from school, one day I took a quick shortcut down a narrow street, which I often took. These two men were heading towards me from the direction I was walking in. I went to pass them but they stepped into my way and moved me aside brutishly by pushing me on my side (one my ribcage like where your bra side would be). Its wasn’t really that much of a big deal I guess but once I’d gotten past them my heart was racing and now I’m too afraid to go down that street or take any shortcuts to get home, which means it takes me and extra 20 minutes to get home (on top of the 40 minute walk I already take).

B

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Across my time in secondary school, I’ve been faced with countless unwanted sexual passes. The most memorable of these was when I was still 15, two boys (aged around 12/13) walked past me while I was walking to my lesson saying that they wanted to have sex with me (Even though both of us were under the age of consent). As time went on I just seemed to get used to these sort of things, I just thought it was part of being a girl. When I was lining up with the rest of my year group for a mock exam, one boy (surrounded by his friends) publicly asked me to have sex with him. It was so humiliating and when I told my Mum about it she simply stated that “he was probably just hormonal” and to let it be. Similarly, when I was around 17 I had an old man drive up for me and ask me if I wanted a lift home. I didn’t know this man and instantly refused without even thinking properly because I was scared. Now I don’t know his motives: whether he was being friendly or if he had sinister intentions but this event has actually terrified me. Before I finished college I would walk home and try my hardest to avoid anyone on the route. Even though I’m 18, I’m really scared to leave my house alone in case something like this – or even worse – were to happen to me.

Our Journey home this Friday gone.

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I have numbered the incidents to avoid confusion. Within one hour: At a pub with friends and have guys rubbing up against me and not taking no/stop it for an answer. (1) I find my friend to leave. She’d been talking to a guy for half an hour about how sad it is that girls have to tell guys they’re not interested (she’d told him she was gay&not interested) and him saying how he was a feminist warrior, before grabbing her and forcing a kiss without asking when he knew she didn’t want it. (2) We leave and have a car stop by with two guys spouting the usual slurs, *whistles* “hey girls” etc we tell them it’s inappropriate. They laugh.. more slurs. Drive off. (3) I turn and a man who’s walking past is frowning at the car, so I say “you can’t just walk home, can you? Someone always has to try something!” He says “I’m coming home with you.” (4) “No that’s OK, we’re fine. Thanks” He smirks “No i’m with you.” This argument lasts 15 minutes before it escalates. We have now stopped walking towards home to make sure he doesn’t follow us. He is now saying he is our security guard, (except that he’s trying to hold us and touch our faces and take our hands). He is starting to look very confused because his plan isn’t working. He crouches with his head in his hands. He’s still arguing. A guy walks around the corner (5) and I make eye contact with him while telling (4) that we don’t want him to follow us. (5) had seen us and been looking as he was walking by. (4) Grabs my legs, he’s clinging to them I pull free and start to say louder “stop following us!” I am maintaining eye-contact with (5) hoping he’ll notice I need help. My thinking is that it’s safer to get help by a passer by that for us to run into an empty street where (4) will keep following us. Eventually (5) stops. He looks at us and (4) trying to touch and grab us. (5) starts to rub his crotch, circling it and licking his lips. He’s making direct eye-contact with me. I run towards him. I guess I was feeling so hopeless it felt like I had nothing to loose. (5) realises I’m coming towards him and starts to shout “f*** off!” repeatedly. When I get to him I grab his hand, I’ve already started crying. I tell him how terrifying it is everyday that this happens so often and that when you think you can see someone to get some help – and they just see it as an opportunity just like the last. It means it will never stop. That I could be his sister or mother. That we needed someone to help. That what he did was so scary already and on top of that, that he would have let whatever he saw happening to us, happen, and not have even remembered in the morning. (5) looks scared now, scared at me. He keeps saying sorry but he’s still not stopping (4) from grabbing me and trying to touch me and my friend – yes, (4) was still there and (5) still disregarding that we needed help from him. When I’ve finished saying this, (5) gets away as quick as he can. (4) is still repeating that he’s coming home with us. We shout at him to go home and start running. My friend noticed as we set off that there had been a guy (6) walking by and watching the whole time. He saw and did nothing. We keep running down the road and around the corner. When we realise (4) hasn’t kept following us that far, we both collapse. I guess emotional exhaustion. There is a girl and a guy up this road, they both look and they guy keeps walking. The girl doesn’t. I see her turn and she’s shouting something I can’t hear. I can’t reply. I can’t talk I’m sobbing too hard, we can’t make sense of much anymore. Just completely in shock. She starts to walk to us and helps us up. She asks us if we’re OK and walks us the whole way home. Her friend didn’t say anything to us and didn’t stop until the girl started walking back to us. He may have been in shock, but all I can think is that he saw us and carried on walking. Every person on that road either joined in or let it happen. Every person until a girl saw us.