Work

Ruth

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One of the worst memories of my teenage years is the one I have of sitting in the reception of my high school having a headache when a boy who was older than me by a couple of years sat down next to me and draped his coat over my leg and began touching me intimately. I was shocked (this was happening in front of adults) and I didn’t know the boy or how to speak up being only 13 myself. I later told my mother who played the whole thing off as “maybe he just liked the feel of your trousers” Later I began working and having started at only 15 I would regularly be the subject of pointed stares, jokes and sexual comments from male co-workers the term “if there’s grass on the wicket” was bandied about more than once. Manager and colleagues in workplaces would often apologise to me for swearing (as I was the only woman) or ask me to fetch drinks/arrange catering (not my remit) The worst experience in the workplace came later where a colleague who was 30 years my senior grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his lap resting his hand on my rear at a Christmas party whilst he berated me for not having received an order routed through my department. I was a manager he was ranked below me in the company but still felt entitled to touch me. Each of these experiences were intensely uncomfortable and have stayed with me. I’m glad of the opportunity to voice them and show how ingrained sexism is in the behaviours of some in our society

Emily

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On Sunday night I decided to go to the bar with the guys from work (on a work trip). After a lot of drinks, *Liam* felt comfortable to tell me that he liked me, and I immediately told him that I did not reciprocate those feelings. A bit later he started rubbing my thigh so, I said that he can’t touch me like that. I asked his brother to take me home and I told him and a manager of our company that it was because Liam had tried to make a move on me, so his brother took me home alone and went back to get the guys. I showered and hopped in bed and forgot to lock my door, which I did every night because the door didn’t shut without sliding the latch lock. I woke up in the middle of the night to Liam holding me in his arms and I couldn’t breathe. I have no idea how he got there. I got up and noticed that he had locked the door himself and felt sick. I ran to the bathroom and cried as I called one of my girlfriends. I went back to bed and asked him why he was there, he tried to touch me again and told me he couldn’t remember how he ended up in my bed. When I told him to get out, he didn’t so I went to sleep on the couch and when I woke up again, he was carrying me back to bed. After I was in bed I tried to fake being asleep so that he would go away but I could hear him pacing around my room. Eventually he sat on the edge of the bed and put his hand on my leg, so I moved. He then laid back down in my bed with a pillow wall in between us and told me how much he liked me. I told him that those feelings were in no way reciprocated and if I made him feel that they were I apologize. I even tried to make him feel better because I didn’t know what to do or how to get him to leave. I told him to get out of my bed one last time, he tried to touch my arm, then threw a pillow at me and left. The next day he was super upset and played a bunch of love songs in the car on the way home. That’s the only part that He actually apologized for. The “awkward” car ride. Liam was my friend. Someone I trusted fully and I am so saddened that he betrayed my trust like this.

Lou Warren

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When I was between the ages of 16-19(aprox 15yrs ago) I worked part-time on the checkouts at a large supermarket. To get between the staff entrance and the checkouts you have to go through the staff areas (quiet, non customer areas) near the counters. There was an older male that worked on the deli counters who was a friendly guy, always said good morning and asked how you were. We became friends enough to make small talk about what we’d been up to etc. Soon after that he would give me a hug after we chatted. I never had a problem with this as I’m a “hugger” myself. But within the space of 2-3 weeks (I worked 2 days a week) I found myself in the very uncomfortable position of this man now holding on to the hug and kissing me on my lips. I felt I couldn’t do anything to stop this and I had absolutely no idea if I could or who I could talk to. It went on for weeks and weeks until I left the job. I vividly remember one occasion when another male member of staff came around the corner and saw this man holding on to and kissing me. He just said “oh, ok” and turned around and walked off. I’ve never told anybody any of this before. Partly because how do you? And partly for fear of people asking why I didn’t do anything about it or why I let it happen.

Angel

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I was walking home from work with a coworker and mentioned that I was gay instead of lesbian, the usual phrase I use. He told me to never call myself gay because it’s an ugly and disgusting word and then detailed what he’d like to see me do with another woman. When I asked to change the topic or I will leave he didn’t stop and shouted abuse at me as I walked away. I told my boss what had happened and they asked if he was drunk at the time and encouraged me to not make a formal complaint and they’d deal with it internally. It was never dealt with and soon after he was promoted above me.

C

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I am a politics student. My boss at work (my job is nothing to do with politics) constantly belittles me when we are having a friendly debate. We are on opposite ends of the political spectrum, I’m very left and he’s very on the right. Anything I say is dismissed and all he does is shout over me, when it gets heated he often turns to using personal attacks. I’m very calm when I debate because there’s not use in shouting and being ignorant to other people’s views. He once shouted at me, ‘with all due respect, you don’t know anything as you’re only young and a woman’. Safe to say I called him out on his sexism and informed him he was shit at debating as it should never come down to attacking someone personally or being sexist towards them. Writing this now is infuriating me. When men don’t think I know anything as I’m a young woman, they are often surprised (They wouldn’t be if I was male) when I come across With extremely valid points with evidence to back it up!

C

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I am a politics student. My boss at work (my job is nothing to do with politics) constantly belittles me when we are having a friendly debate. We are on opposite ends of the political spectrum, I’m very left and he’s very on the right. Anything I say is dismissed and all he does is shout over me, when it gets heated he often turns to using personal attacks. I’m very calm when I debate because there’s not use in shouting and being ignorant to other people’s views. He once shouted at me, ‘with all due respect, you don’t know anything as you’re only young and a woman’. Safe to say I called him out on his sexism and informed him he was shit at debating as it should never come down to attacking someone personally or being sexist towards them. Writing this now is infuriating me. When men don’t think I know anything as I’m a young woman, they are often surprised (They wouldn’t be if I was male) when I come across With extremely valid points with evidence to back it up!

HANNAH

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When I was 16 I worked on Saturdays as a receptionist for a nutritionist. At the end of one Saturday I was invited into the nutritionist’s office and asked to be a volunteer patient so he could test out the timing of a physical exam. I lay on the massage table and he started to grope around my chest area. He pulled up by bra over my breasts and rubbed under my breasts. He asked, ‘Tell me when it starts to hurt’. After a minute or so, it started to hurt and he stopped, turned away from me and told me that was it for the day. Puzzled and embarassed, I left. When I returned the next Saturday there was a strange woman sitting in my seat. She told me I wasn’t needed anymore and to go home. I’d been sacked! I told my mother but my mother did nothing about it, dismissing it. Not only that but she still visited this horrid little man and paid him for nutrition advice!

James

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Recently, on a work night out, a female subordinate started unwantingly flirting with me. I gave no indication that I was interested, even though she is objectively attractive. She then proceeded to grab my crotch and attempted to undo my fly. I was horrified and told her this was not appropriate as we worked together and I was her line manager. Some other women in the team saw what was happening and were indifferent and / or giggling (this was disappointing). The harasser didn’t spot this. Alcohol was involved, but this really isn’t an excuse. I’ve lodged a complaint with HR and although I don’t want to see her lose her job, I do feel there need to be repercussions here. I love my job and have been there for over 18 months, but being objectified in such a way really isn’t cool!!

Anon

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After receiving repeated explicit and detailed threats of sexual violence in the workplace on a daily basis for weeks from a patient who is a convicted sex offender, I discussed these with my line manager who stated “well what do we expect when we bring a beautiful woman on the ward” and laughed. He didn’t discuss it beyond this. I was the only woman in the team at the time and had not been in the service long so did not feel comfortable to report my line manager to more senior managers. I expressed to my team that I did not feel safe on the ward but the patient was not moved wards and I continued to have to go onto the ward he was on every day. When he started being allowed periods of leave off the ward, I stayed late at work to ensure that I didn’t have to walk from the building to my car at a time when he might be allowed to be out, particularly as he had made a point of telling me several times that he knew which car was mine. I felt I had to take these steps to manage the risk myself as I did not feel that anyone else was taking the risk to me seriously. I consulted the advice of a male psychologist colleague who specializes in working with sex offenders. He told me that “there’s nothing you can really do other than eat 10 donoughts a night”. A member of nursing staff told me that it is my fault because I have not lied to the patient and pretended that I’m married. I explained that my relationship status is irrelevant and being single does not justify sexual harassment and sexual aggression but they continued to say things like this, including in front of the patient. The patient stated to the whole team in a ward round that he is going to spank me and nobody challenged him at all. As part of my role, I had to sit in meetings where others or myself had to read out reports regarding the patients progress/mental state/behaviour, which frequently included quotes the patient had made where he described my breasts and bottom in detail, or described masturbating whilst thinking of me. It was extremely humiliating to have to sit in a professional meeting in a room full of people, in a role I have worked hard to be taken seriously in, and to have extremely personal descriptions about myself read out to everyone. Nobody asked if I was ok or offered to censor the material. This went on for months and only ended because I left the service. This is not unique to that service, but is a problem pervasive in forensic mental health services.

Laura

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Today my colleague introduced my female colleague and I as ‘girls’ to a new client. We are both almost 30 years old.