I was in Finland when this happened, though I am from New Zealand (there is no option for Finland as a location). I was there as an exchange student and made use of the very comprehensive public transport every weekend. One day, in summer, I was returning from one such trip at about 2 pm in the afternoon, I got off the train at my normal stop and began to walk down to the small underpass.
I was aware of a boy behind me – I don’t remember if I noticed him on the bus or not. He was riding his bike, and he cycled up next to me – sandwiching me between himself on a bike and the wall.
He started to speak to me in Finish, and me, hoping I could get out of the situation by pretending I didn’t understand him, spoke back in English. Sadly, he kicked in with perfectly fluent English and continued to cycle next to me, keeping me trapped. I have always been trained to be polite and felt like I had to keep smiling and nodding at him and not put my earphones in and tell him to go away like I wanted to – also he was physically intimidating, especially on his bike, looming over me and I knew I wouldn’t be able to run away.
His questions started out innocently enough – what was my name, where was I from, how long was I staying. Then they started getting creepier – did I have friends? did I live alone? Where did I live?
I knew I couldn’t answer these things fully honestly, so I made up things to protect myself, saying I lived with my family, had many friends and wasn’t sure where exactly I lived – what the street name was. He didn’t believe this and so kept pestering me. By this point I was very afraid, throat closing up and heart pounding and my body shaking. I felt like I couldn’t be honest in case he got upset and hurt me somehow. There was a woman behind us but I worried that she wouldn’t step in – one because Finns usually don’t and also because we were speaking english and she might not understand.
The boy then asked me if we could be ‘friends’ while I was in Finland, though it was very obvious he was sexually propositing me. That was the moment when I found some courage and said, though maybe meekly: “no, I don’t think so”.
He was completely shocked. He asked again, and I repeated myself, this time more forcefully. I was panicked, becasue I knew he could easily just follow me home.
Then, this wonderful woman behind me speaks up and says very loudly “Do you want to go get ice cream with me?”
I don’t exactly remember how but I pretty much lept over to her (she was on the other side of the walkway) and she linked her arm with mine and just glared at the boy, who swore about stupid women and was obviously annoyed and maybe embarrassed but luckily did cycle off. The lady was so lovely, i was shaking very hard and started to cry and she was just comforting me and talking to me and sympathising even though she wasn’t very conifident in english, and just letting me express how afraid I had been. When she pointed out the way she was going I lied and said it was my way too so I could walk with her (I was still afraid he would follow me) but she figured it out and so said she would walk my way a bit and I asked her to just stay with me until we got to a supermarket where I could feel safer and call my family, which she did. I am so thankful to her and know that is exactly what women need to do for each other.
I didn’t end up calling my host family to pick me up because I had no idea how to tell them about what happened – I felt awkward and afraid and somehow dirty. I bought myself some chocolate to give me some sugar to calm me down and waited in the supermarket for about 30 minutes to be more sure that the boy wouldn’t have followed me. I then sort of half ran the 20 minute walk home, always looking over my shoulder. I got home to my room and just cried. Later, I made myself tell my host parents because I knew it was important, but I felt I had to say it in a joking way and couldn’t be completely serious. They tutted at it and said it was bad and my host mother told me to call her next time no matter what, but it wasn’t further addressed (not fully their fault, because I downplayed it out of awkwardness). It was hard to admit it to them also because my younger male and female siblings were very anti-feminist and think feminists are ridiculous and petty complainers so I felt they would think I was being too dramatic.
This event made me scared to go back to that train station and so I always went to the next stop, which was about twice as far away from my house. It is horrible to just feel so helpless in a situation, but I also try to think back to the woman who helped me and be grateful and know there are good helpful people in the world and I aspire to be like her. The worst part is probably that the boy didn’t even know how threatening and creepy he was being, because he didn’t see me as a person but just as a desirable object. Until we change that mindset these things will keep happening.
