This was last year. My friend had met new people somehow, I don’t know how she got into contact with them or how she met them but anyway, I was added to a group chat and we were planning this beach meet up. We got to the beach and everyone went swimming except for me because I had my period. We got pizzas’ from across the road for dinner and as it started getting dark we built a fire and lit it. One of the boys had bought fireworks and he set them off. Anyway we got back to one of the boy’s homes and we set up and slept.
A few months later and many more beach meet ups later I had started chatting to one of the boys and he did multiple things over the course of many months that I wasn’t okay with (but I din’t say no to them because I thought I would be a bad friend for saying no):
-He sent me a naked picture of himself.
-He confessed that he had stared at my breasts while I was asleep.
-He told me one of his fantasies was to see me in a small skirt and make out with me.
I was 15 at the time. He was turning 18.
On the second beach meet up, I had decided to sleep next to him. I was in a sleeping bag and he wasn’t. He rolled over to face me and I was trying to fall asleep so I kept my eyes shut.
I knew what was going to happen next.
He kissed me. Both of us had girlfriends. I pulled away from him, really shocked that he just did that. He leaned in to kiss me again and I pulled away. He then asked me if he could kiss me again and I said No. He kissed me on the forehead anyway. Then someone said something and we laughed and I took that opportunity to roll away from him. He left the room after that, and I cried because I kept thinking that I had cheated on my girlfriend. I told my best friend and she was shocked but we didn’t talk about it until later. The next day we left and when I got home I called my girlfriend and told her everything and said I was sorry. However she didn’t actually pick up so I left several voice messages.
While I was dating her, after everything he had done to me, I developed a crush on him. After my girlfriend had broken up he wanted to date me. I told him to wait until I was 16 . He had gotten a girlfriend by then.
Whenever my ex girlfriend and I joke about either of us cheating (not that either of us did) she always says “Yeah, like you.” implying that what happened to me was my fault. I feel like it’s my fault that it happened, I feel like I led him on and I’m mad that I let it go on for so long. I’m now really scared of getting a girlfriend again because I feel like it’ll happen again. I don’t talk to this guy anymore.
I don’t know what to do. I want to tell my parents but I know if I do that then I’ll get into a big debate with them about why I don’t like men and how that may have effected me coming out as gay. I do really like girls and even when I was bi I still preferred girls over guys and I hated how I acted and dressed when I dated a guy. They made me feel so powerless.
I’m sorry this story went on for so long :/