Sula
In a pub chatting to some people. I’m with friends. We’re talking to a small group of middle aged men next to us intermittently. One guy asks me what job I do. I say “guess”. His friend says, “high class prostitute”.
The Everyday Sexism Project exists to catalogue instances of sexism experienced on a day to day basis. They might be serious or minor, outrageously offensive or so niggling and normalised that you don’t even feel able to protest. Say as much or as little as you like, use your real name or a pseudonym – it’s up to you. By sharing your story you’re showing the world that sexism does exist, it is faced by women everyday and it is a valid problem to discuss.
If you prefer to e-mail me at laura@everydaysexism.com I can upload your story for you instead. Follow us on Twitter (and submit entries by tweet) at @EverydaySexism.
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Lisa
On LinkedIn, I listed myself as open to work. I have a doctorate from an Ivy League university and worked as a business research professional for a long time. Recently, I have acquired certificates in fields related to artificial intelligence and data analytics. Somehow, LinkedIn’s recommendation engine delivered an ad to me for their premium service that advertised only restaurant and hospitality industry jobs. Nothing else. Hundreds of them. It is perplexing because aside from a summer job in the 80s, I have never worked in hospitality. I trained for other things, so I guess their algorithm found that that’s what is available to highly educated women in our 50s, so it’s perpetuating that finding. I’ve been on LinkedIn for 20 years so they know exactly what I do and who I’m connected to.
Jackie Willmington
Trivial example – In a Facebook discussion of a road junction I raised a question about why a filtration arrow sometimes appears as part of the traffic light cycle but at other times is omitted. A man completely ignored the point raised and proceeded to explain to me how filtration works and when I should stop or turn. From his profile picture, he was a child when I passed my driving test.
Anon
When I was 10/11, I had extremely painful periods. Of course, it was written off by my GP as worms and he also continued to prescribe me gastro soothe pills (they help with painful bowel movements). I was then later diagnosed with appendicitis (an ovarian cyst had burst and my appendix absorbed the fluid from it) and was taken in for surgery. The doctors discovered that I had endometriosis. All of the previous male doctors had told my mother that I was “too young” to have such pains and that it was impossible for someone so young to have endo (even though you can be born with it). Later that same year, I had a second surgery to remove the endo. My gynaecologist didn’t give a damn after being told many times that I was too young and she shouldn’t be operating. She had asked me “Do you want this surgery?” I said “Yes.” Anything to stop the pain. She operated. She got barred from working at that hospital ever again. She didn’t care. She had a stroke a few years later, stopping her work but she changed my life in so many ways. I owe my life now to her. On average it takes six years for women to be diagnosed with endo. It’s enraging.
Software Engineer
As a software developer my work is constantly critiqued even though I know it is well written by tools running through the code. My male counterparts get immediate approvals no matter how badly written the code is. There is a male engineer on my team who never writes any code which is his primary job. I have no idea how he still has a job considering I have given feedback about his lack of work ethics No one questions his lack of outputs I am routinely talked over or talked down to
Zoe
Down the road from my all girls school is an all boys school, the schools used to be quite intergrated ,with sixth formers going to the other school if that school was offering an extra lesson and whatever, but they had to stop it because of how disgusting the boys were being with rape threats and all that. Now on my way home from school I have to walk past these boys who catcall specifically me out of my friend group and make every day I have go from good to bad and I go home feeling disgusting. Me and my friends have tried reporting them and telling teachers, so have other girls apparently, but no one does anything. At one point a friend of mine threatened police action to the school because they had called me an “ugly fucking dyke” (and that’s apparently enough to tell the police but lord knows they don’t do anything either) because I had told them that they’re not funny. No one seems to do anything because of the teenage boy stereotype and it’s doing nothing but make me feel disgusted with myself every day. I’d go the long way home but I’m not letting them win.
Anon
When I was 20 my driving instructor asked me to stop the car ready for a 3 point turn,suddenly he was across my lap and his tongue was down my throat…I froze,I couldn’t react,then he carried on with the lesson as though nothing had happened.. He enjoyed talking about his sex life with his wife also he would press my knee that controlled the clutch, saying clutch,clutch.. I wanted to dismiss him as an instructor but my test was very close,I never told a soul about his abuse..I was terrified..
anonymous
i had this ex boyfriend who would always ask to hang out. it was never day time and he would ask me to sneak out of my house to see him. i was scared but ended up doing it. i looked at him in the eyes and told him i did not want to lose my virginity because i was 15 and i didn’t completely understand the whole sex thing. he said he understood but i’m not sure if he did because he did it anyways. once i realized that that is what he did i kinda tried to stay away from him. but turns out i was a teenage girl seeking male validation so i stayed with him. He did multiple things along those lines and ended up cheating on me with his ex gf(she cheated on him multiple times and he would use her as an excuse for the way he acted.) so hooray.
anonymous
Being told as a little girl that old men were staring at my butt because my dress was too revealing. I was 11 and I was in church. These men were old and claimed to love jesus, apparently they just love children.
Kirsty
I was at a networking event last night. I introduced myself to 2 men and a woman. After saying my name and that I was new to the city and it was my first networking event, one of the men said to me; ‘New people have to get up on stage and do a striptease’… It was a professional networking event, at a coworking, where speakers were talking about their careers. I was baffled and just looked at the woman next to me who was also totally perplexed. He didn’t apologise, in fact, he alluded to the comment twice further after the host of the event organised an ice breaker networking game asking for people to join him. The host was of course unaware of this bizzare comment. The man then contacted me on LinkedIn the next day, didn’t mention anything about it, so I pulled him up on it. He did a casual one line apology ‘I am sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I was being an idiot. I then decided to explain the situation and how it had made me feel. ‘I’m incredibly surprised that at no point and on your initial message today, or after saying it last night you didn’t apologise. In fact you actually alluded to the comment a couple more times when I went to participate on stage and after I got off the stage. I’m not sure if you realise how utterly uncomfortable it made me feel, including during the stage segment – when I knew someone in the audience had said new people have to striptease. It made me think twice about participating and obviously getting on stage to learn from the workshop. It also made the other woman standing with me clearly uncomfortable. I don’t know you so I don’t know if this something you have said regularly, or if you would say it to other women at other events. While I appreciate your apology after me bringing it up to you, I think it’s also part of a wider discussion about how women should be treated and spoken to at these kinds of events. To have this comment made to me by an absolute stranger is perplexing, degrading and utterly unprofessional.’ He did apologise again and get this – HE HAS A DAUGHTER – who is 18… ‘Once again I am sorry and it was one of those comments that as soon as I had said I knew it was inappropriate and you are correct I should have apologised straight away and I didn’t. I am not the sort of person that degrades women. I have a daughter who I encourage to stand up to comments like that. So please understand it was a stupid comment and I am sorry I made you feel’. I’m glad they have apologised: -But it’s only after I’ve pulled them up on it -And it should never have happened.