assault

Charlie

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Have been living in my new house for only a few weeks, and to catch the bus to work or go to the shops I have to walk past this car wash, no way to avoid it. At first I thought the guys working there were just being friendly to new neighbours, but since then I’ve been catcalled and ogled every day. They don’t even make any attempts to hide the fact they are staring at my breasts, bum and legs; it’s like they assume it’s their right to do it and they know they won’t receive backlash. I told my partner how it makes me feel dirty, unsafe and uncomfortable even going out for milk and bread and he suggested I call 101 or report them to Trading Standards. I don’t think that would get any reaction, because I’m just a woman and this is guys being guys. I can’t keep complaining about it because I’ll just look whiny and stupid but I’ve been severely sexually assaulted before and being believed/taken seriously is something I can’t take as writ.

Marion

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So this happened when i was about 6 or 7 years old. Now i am 22 an i only recogniced it as sexual assault a few years ago… I was in a swimming bath and this perhaps 12 year old boy dived by and rubbed his hand between my legs… This must have been the first time i ever encountered sexual harassment and it took me really that long to realise it.

Marion

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So last year. in the night of the 7th to 8th of september 2017 I went home alone from going out. I really had to pee and went into this constuctionwork next to the street. It was about 4:30 am. When i was finished and turned around the corner of this blue container there he was. He grabbed me by my arms and pushed me against this container. I screamed and tried to push him away and hit him on his chest. He didn’t really seem to care about that but there were these dogs barking because a woman went out with them and as they turned around the corner he left. I was standing there, not really realising what just happend. The woman didn’t bother asking what happend or if I was ok. So i proceeded walking home. I was devastated. I called a friend and talked to him the whole way home. It was good to not be alone although he also asked me what I was wearing….. I think i really was traumatized by this experience. I didn’t want to be touched by anyone a long while after that. I couldn’t touch myself without thinking of him, although I don’t even really remember what he looked like. He was about 30 to 35 and had a dark three-day-beard. I did not report it to the police and I feel bad for that. Even when the chances that this guy would get caught are really small, I at least would have tried. I did not tell this story to a lot of people. I felt dirty after it. I could not whash him off. I don’t like how I still think of him. I don’t like how i have problems with physical contact. Expecially with men,… Because of this incident I became really aware of how I don’t stand a chance against most of men. Being with someone became really difficult. I just don’t know if I can trust him. Sometimes i feel disgusted by touch. I get goosebumbs and shivers when someone touches me or if I just think about beeing touched. In the end he didn’t even really grab my boobs or anything but the knowledge of what he intended to do is there. I don’t like these memories. And I don’t like how they start to fade away… This might have been the worst incident. I know it will not be my last one. And this one and the stuff that happend makes sex not easy. Physical contact is a difficult subject. Going out sometimes is troubling. I just want to be kind of normal.

J

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Clubs seem to be acceptable places in a guys mind for public, non-consensual, ‘casual’ groping. In crowds, they will VERY often over the course of a night pass behind you whilst just lightly stroking your butt (or just above, but close enough that you can feel where those hands want to be). Depending on where I go, this sometimes happens near constantly. You have to be hyper-aware of everyone around you and by the time it’s happened and you turn around to call them on it, they’ve practically disappeared into the crowd. On the odd occasion that you catch them, there’s little you can do but give them a dirty look. I’m not exaggerating when I say this can and has happened to me every three minutes or so (or more sometimes) on some nights. I did once punch a guy in the face for it (he went for a full on grope), at which point I was called “frigid” as he tried to make out that it was on ok thing to do; a compliment even. After dealing with way too much of it, I’m now really selective about the places I go as I know where I’m more or less likely to get groped now and avoid the places where it’s most common. The only place I actually feel safe to go and dance, be myself and actually have fun is in one of my cities gay bars. I’m straight. I shouldn’t have to choose where I go based on the local groping probability!

Ruby

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I started university last year, and one of my flatmates was older about 21 and this was his third time resitting first year. He held a lot of authority in the flat, due to the fact that he was older, male and also very middle/upper class. He had a girlfriend yet confessed to us that he had cheated on her occasionally. He was a big Donald trump supporter too so as you can guess I didn’t take much of a liking to him. He and I began to have a rocky relationship as he constantly stole my food from the fridge and when I accused him in front of the flat he would deny it, and then when it was just me and him in the room he would laugh and admit it was him. Once he moved all of one of my flatmates cutlery/food etc. from one cupboard and hid it in a different draw, he then blamed it on me and convinced the whole flat that I did it. Again, when we were alone he confessed it was him. When I protested to my flatmates, they laughed- I think they deep down knew it was him but were too scared of him to actually confront him. In second semester, things got worse- I would go into the kitchen before a night out and he would make weird comments, like my skirt was too short, or tell me how bad I was for going on so many dates with different boys. One night, we went out as a flat, with some other people from our accommodation too. He had never come out with us before but this night he did. In the club, I would be dancing and catch him stood on the stairs, watching me from above, and it weirded me out. I left the club with a couple of guy friends from my accommodation but he came out and decided that they were ‘harassing me’. We all walked home together, but he said that he would take me back to the flat through the side entrance to get me away from the other guys. He seemed genuinely caring as we were in the lift saying how he was worried about me being with those guys and just wanted to make sure I was ok, but then as soon as we were in the corridor he pushed me against the wall and slapped me, telling me I was so stupid to walk out with those guys. I later realised he was acting nice beforehand because there were CCTV cameras in the lift, but in the corridor there weren’t. I practically ran down to the flat to which he remarked ‘don’t run, it only makes me want you more’. I opened my bedroom door and he caught me asked me where I thought I was going, picked me up and took him to his room. At this point my flatmates were still at the club so the flat was empty. I was seriously freaking out, he broke my skirt, literally ‘ripped’ my underwear off and was about to rape me when I heard my flatmates come in. I whispered to him that I would get him arrested, he said he didn’t care, I said i would scream and he said ‘you wouldn’t dare’ so I screamed and he let go of me in complete shock. I sprinted to my room and seconds later my flatmates came knocking asking what had happened. I lied, and said that he had been being annoying me so I screamed at him as a ‘joke’. I don’t know why I lied/protected him like this. Probably because I felt ashamed, and if I had told them, I would have been too upset if they hadn’t believed me, or not taken it seriously. He never tried anything again, and I tried to avoid him, I didn’t eat in the kitchen incase he was in there and went out for a lot of meals instead meaning I wasted a lot of money and went into my overdraft. I also drifted from my other flat mates because I was never in the kitchen/living area incase he was there, so I never saw them. I’m now in my second year of uni and live away from him. I told my friends from home about it, but didn’t want to make it seem like a big deal so I tried to tell them in a light hearted way and act like it hasn’t affected me. I think I am only realising now how it has affected me, I will never ever forget this. I still haven’t reported it, I don’t know why, I feel hopeless like it will do nothing anyway, and won’t be taken seriously because he never actually raped me. But I do plan to report it soon and I don’t blame myself in any way, and no girl ever ever ever should.

MC

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I never really go to school dances, but the one time i tried it was a few months ago. i will never go again. i got dressed up as i assumed i should and felt really good about myself. i got there, met up with friends and had a great time. halfway through, we took a trip to the bathroom together (as we do), and i realized that all my friends wore shorts under their dresses. i didn’t think i needed to, because i don’t go to these kinds of events and don’t know. when i brought it up, they all looked at me as if i was crazy for not assuming i needed them. turns out i did, as i was assaulted by a kid about half an hour later. he reached under my dress, pulled at my underwear and snapped them, like someone would snap a bra strap. he laughed and tried to do it again, but i got away and got myself lost in the crowd of people. nobody saw it happen, and when i told my friends, they said, and i will never forget it, “that’s what happens when you don’t take plan and take precautions”. WHY ON EARTH IS THAT A PRECAUTION I NEEDED TO TAKE? TLDR;; I didn’t know i needed to wear shorts under dresses at school events, and got assaulted by some kid. friends said it was my fault for not planning that it would happen.

Jessica

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I was walking through Leicester Square in London with my female friend when I was about 25 and a man walking towards me grabbed my breast as he walked past and kept walking. I was so shocked I kept walking. I still feel angry and violated and wish I had thumped him.

Claudia

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I started University in the Netherlands at the age of 17 with a steady boyfriend in Germany. I was excited and unafraid, primarily because I had never recognized other negative encounters for the warnings that they were. I honestly thought that feminism wasn’t something we needed in the west anymore, because I had never felt hampered because of my sex. I never realized how sheltered I was. When I turned 18, I decided to throw a big party for the first time in my life. I wanted to let loose, to prove that I wasn’t “stuck up” and “prude,” that I could have fun. So when a friend asked if they could invite a classmate I didn’t know, I agreed without thinking twice. One by one, everyone left. The people I had asked to keep an eye out for me went home or passed out in their rooms. I was alone, more than a little drunk, with someone I didn’t know. I’d been friendly to him all evening, because I was in a social mood, so we’d chatted a bit. I told him my boyfriend lived in Germany, and he somehow took that as an invitation. He started kissing me, and I pushed him away. I told him I couldn’t do this. Somehow saying “stop, I don’t WANT this” was beyond my capabilites as a polite hostess. He persisted, reaching up and down and touching things he shouldn’t. I walked away and said I was going to stay in my friend’s room for the night, since the friend he had come with was passed out on my bed. He followed me, and while I rang her doorbell hoping against all hope that she would answer, he continued to touch me. She was passed out, and didn’t hear me. We went back to my hallway, and I said I would try another friends room. But he said “no don’t worry, I promise I’ll stop. I wont do anything you don’t want.” Being exhausted and drunk I wanted to believe him, because more than anything I wanted to go to sleep. He didn’t stop. The rest is too difficult for me to describe, even after two years of therapy for PTSD. Nowadays, I work on projects to raise awareness about sexual assault in the Netherlands and at universities in general. I’m trying to turn the worst thing to ever happen to me into something positive.

Miranda

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Walking with group of female friends to lunch in Bristol last Sunday. Sunny day, pleasant walk. Waiting to cross a road, suddenly several of us were drenched in cold liquid – which had been aimed squarely at us from a passing car, we assume by teenage boys. The car accelerated away as we exclaimed in surprise and anger. Luckily (?) it was nothing worse than Coke. They just wanted to hear us shriek. We spent a good few minutes cleaning off the sticky stuff from our coats, bags and faces. What a horrible experience, and what idiots to think that’s a good way to deal with a group of beautiful, strong women.

Litzy

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When I was a young girl I was raped. But when I explain that my rape was oral sex and fingering people refer to it as assault.