Marion

So last year. in the night of the 7th to 8th of september 2017 I went home alone from going out. I really had to pee and went into this constuctionwork next to the street. It was about 4:30 am.
When i was finished and turned around the corner of this blue container there he was.
He grabbed me by my arms and pushed me against this container. I screamed and tried to push him away and hit him on his chest. He didn’t really seem to care about that but there were these dogs barking because a woman went out with them and as they turned around the corner he left.
I was standing there, not really realising what just happend.
The woman didn’t bother asking what happend or if I was ok.
So i proceeded walking home.
I was devastated. I called a friend and talked to him the whole way home.
It was good to not be alone although he also asked me what I was wearing…..
I think i really was traumatized by this experience.
I didn’t want to be touched by anyone a long while after that. I couldn’t touch myself without thinking of him, although I don’t even really remember what he looked like. He was about 30 to 35 and had a dark three-day-beard.
I did not report it to the police and I feel bad for that. Even when the chances that this guy would get caught are really small, I at least would have tried.
I did not tell this story to a lot of people.
I felt dirty after it. I could not whash him off. I don’t like how I still think of him. I don’t like how i have problems with physical contact. Expecially with men,…
Because of this incident I became really aware of how I don’t stand a chance against most of men. Being with someone became really difficult. I just don’t know if I can trust him.
Sometimes i feel disgusted by touch.
I get goosebumbs and shivers when someone touches me or if I just think about beeing touched.
In the end he didn’t even really grab my boobs or anything but the knowledge of what he intended to do is there.
I don’t like these memories. And I don’t like how they start to fade away…

This might have been the worst incident. I know it will not be my last one. And this one and the stuff that happend makes sex not easy. Physical contact is a difficult subject. Going out sometimes is troubling.
I just want to be kind of normal.