Tag Archives: Double-Standard

Claudia

Hello! My name is Claudia, I am currently in the U.S.All my life I have been told I would never amount to anything and that I would never be as strong as men. I have experienced things such as sexual assault as well as catcalling. When I told someone they said it was because I was not wearing anything (I was in my own home) and that it didn’t count because he “Didn’t mean it sexuallY.”. It happened before with a boy a year older than me who treated me like an object, but “Boys will be boys.” It happened once more by a woman as well. I had been groped in public and catcalled multiple times, and so have all of my female friends. The inequality is disgusting, and we need to fight back! Please understand my story and know you’re not alone, and your story is valid regardless of gender.

PJ

I used to work backstage in theatre. I remember a male technician telling new crew at the start of a “get in” (set up and building of a set) that we should all work together, that sometimes due to time pressure (there is always time pressure) that he might be brusque but it’s just to get things done and that it meant no disrespect. I remember the crew under him accepting it, being cool with it and one even thanked him for saying what he did as usually that behaviour happened all the time as part of the culture, but no-one acknowledged the people on the end of it. It seemed to work so well, that I decided to use the same approach. It went down like an insult. I had complaints (from men) made against me. But get this, all I had done at that point was made the same intro that I’d heard a man use successfully. I hadn’t been brusque with anyone, I hadn’t said I would be brusque with anyone – all I had done was acknowledged in advance that sometimes time pressures meant that niceties went out the door. It came with the job. I was forced to apologise to these stagehands and it undermined me. It put me back in my place. As the only woman on the crew not involved in dressing, I was treated completely differently. Apparently a woman acting like a man was intolerable to them.

Unsolicited Fatherly Advice

While out for a run the other day with my dog, a random middle aged man came up to me to give me some unsolicited ‘fatherly’ advice.He cautioned that he wasn’t trying to tell me where my place was but that I should “be careful” because I seemed like such a nice young lady. He told me I shouldn’t be out so late. (It was 5 pm and still light out.) He also said I shouldn’t be dressed the way I was dressed. (I was wearing full length thick running tights, a thick sweater and one of those puffy ski vests.) He proceeded to give me a lecture about how dangerous it was to be on the streets “downtown.” He did this while my seventy pound doberman was peeing in front of me and him, and because I was downtown there were about a dozen bystanders milling about. I cannot imagine this ever happening to a man, especially one with such a large and notoriously protective breed of dog. I pointed out to him that there were witnesses everywhere. I pointed out that the only place that is adequately lit in the city is downtown, and it was the only likely place to have people out and about. He said, but it’s the people. And I responded, WHAT PEOPLE! The drunks who live in the park, who I let pet my dog all the time? The ones just trying to survive? They aren’t interested in hurting anyone. (To which I got a cheer from the homeless guy smoking a joint 20 yards away watching the whole thing.) In fact, it was probably one of the safest places to be since there is so much foot traffic and if he bothered to look at a crime map the police do in fact agree with me. There is an adjoining suburb with quite literally three times the crime rate of the downtown core. The crime rate is so high because it is directly adjoining the entrance to an army base. Most of the crime involves drunk soldiers assaulting each other but more commonly their spouses and girlfriends. Every day on that map you can see 50+ incidents. The whole incident just disgusted me so much because I know Mr. Randomly Creepy Do-Gooder is going to keep going around spreading his lies. I worry some young woman will actually listen to him. That she will forever forgo activities she enjoys because she is afraid.

Lakeshia

My friend — a married mom — gave my daughter a pretty dress. It was a little too suggestive for our preferences, and isn’t something she would normally wear. “Go ahead!” said my friend, “it’s just pretty, and so are you!” So, since it was a special gift from them, and since there was a special occasion, then I told my daughter it was okay to wear the dress to their house. My daughter wore that dress on one occasion only — my friend’s son’s birthday party. Later, my friend said to me that my daughter should make sure to tell all the boys her age so that they won’t make a mistake. What? Why? What sort of mistake would they make? Are they planning to rape her if she’s old enough? Why is this my daughter’s responsibility? I said that my daughter would be responsible for herself, and she is not responsible for their behavior. The boys are responsible for their behavior. Or, is she insinuating something else about my daughter? When I asked her about this, she back pedaled and said, well, maybe not your daughter, but you know, girls should let boys know their age so they won’t get in trouble. … What? Also, why did she give my daughter this dress and then suggest that she’s “too” attractive in it? My daughter is very modest, but why is that her responsibility, anyway?

Emma

I was having a rough day at work yesterday and a male colleague of mine noticed and made the day significantly more bearable. He has a tendency to say “You’re gorgeous” a lot when we speak and I have learnt to ignore it. To say thank you for his kindness yesterday, I wrote him small card saying thanks. After receiving it, he seemed to avoid me so I confronted him later in the day and said that I hoped it wasn’t weird or creepy – I just wanted to say thanks. He then proceeded to say that the card was really sweet and that I’m “so fucking beautiful” that he’s going to stay away from me for fear that he’ll fall in love with me. I am currently at my desk and utterly dumbfounded. How is that an acceptable response? And why is my alleged “beauty” a justification to stop talking to colleague?