Everyday sexism

Emily

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In 2015 (I was 17 at the time) I was best friends with this boy. He and I were so close, on a brotherly sisterly type level. He had confessed his romantic feelings for me in the past, but I made it clear to him that I wanted to be strictly friends and that I considered him a brother. So the summer of 2015 we get this idea to have a sleepover. I’m not talkin anything sexual in any way shape or form, when we were planning this sleepover it sounded like a good old fashioned slumber party. Both of our parents approved of it since it was clear to them we were just really good friends. We spent the beginning of the night on a blow up mattress watching a movie. Before we went to sleep I made it clear to him that nothing was going to happen, that I didn’t want anything to happen, and that he was my friend and nothing more. He agreed with me. Later, after we had fallen asleep I felt him groping me. He put his hands down my shirt and started touching my chest. He also forced his way into my pants and fingered me. He kissed me. This all started while I was asleep, there was no consent. There was no chance to give consent as I was ASLEEP. He just started touching me as he pleased like it was completely normal to do that. Waking up to him touching me made me feel physically and mentally paralyzed, I was in shock. I was frozen, couldn’t do anything couldn’t say anything. I don’t remember falling asleep, but that morning I was so nauseous. When I told him I was nauseous at first he was “helping” me by supporting my back while I sat up, but minutes later HE STARTED FINGERING ME AGAIN LIKE HE HAD DONE THAT PREVIOUS NIGHT. JUST HELPED HIMSELF. That’s when I ran to the bathroom and puked. I’ve tried telling the police about it but they were biased as my abuser’s dad works for the police department in my town. The police officer I spoke with basically told me I was asking for it and should’ve been more careful about the situation I put myself in. -.- I know…absolutely revolting isn’t it

Hannah

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I found a post and shared it on my timeline on facebook, about women witnessing and protecting other women (strangers) in vulnerable situations. Just a basic, look out for your sisters post. It was quite heartfelt and reminded me of several times I have been accosted whilst vulnerable. A male friend of mine, who has previously denounced feminism as a way to divide the sexes and that we should care for all vulnerable people. GRAND. except, feminism is not about dividing, it is about existing, in fairness and the sad fact that we as women still have a long way to go to achieve this. And anyway my post was about vulnerable women, so why try and take the importance of that away,it’s just another way to undermine women and their struggles. This hurt, upset and angered me. But aside from his rude and harmful comments I had been thinking in regard to the post I had shared of all the times i had been placed in a vulnerable position by men, and myself and a friend sat down And actually listed them all out. And what I wrote down shocked and devastated me. These are all the examples and ages that I have been assaulted or accosted in my life (this post does have a point to end with!) 12. Legs felt up, trying to look under my bedsheets at me in my underwear 14. Sexually assaulted 14. Attempted sexual assault 15. Raped 15. Flashed in my school uniform 18. Woken up to being groped while asleep 18/19. Pressured for sex by my boyfriend 1+ year 22. Public sexual assault, reported to police, in the newspaper. Nothing came of it 24. Consistently ogled while getting changed, (walked in ‘by accident’ several times, by close male friend) 30. Followed home down a dark street, by a male on a tram who noticed me three stops before mine, had to hide behind a truck as he searched for me. Stayed awake in my house alone all night terrified. Ages 12-32 verbal sexual harrassment, leers, sexual comments My point is this. I MYSELF had not realised how utterly fucked up this is is. It’s only sitting down and looking at it in black and white that I begin to understand how bad it is when it comes to sexism and what is accepted by society or #everydaysexism, when someone I consider a friend of ten plus years who I thought was a decent person, can come on my post and belittle my experiences and my simple wish that women need to look out for other women in vulnerable or even everyday situations then how far have we still got to go? The answer is VERY FAR. But it starts with or continues with women, feminists and our allies speaking out about this, confronting bad attitudes and outright abuse, sharing our experiences and saying NO I will not stand for this. By educating our children and teaching consent, by calling out the media who use us as sex objects. We must continue the fight. I have blocked and deleted this person and told them in no uncertain terms what they did was wrong and I have no place for it in my life however long our history

Jasmine

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So I have had run ins with my friend’s boyfriend for sometime due to his incessant interrupting but today he finally tipped me off the edge. I had been sitting with my boyfriend when a group of my male friends came over and started talking to us. I tuned out briefly but tuned back in to hear my friend’s boyfriend, let’s call him Ed, say to my boyfriend, let’s call him Tim, ‘ah, bros before hoes’ and signalling towards me. I looked at him and said ‘are you calling me a hoe?’ he then laughed and said ‘no… but…’. I looked at him with disgust and walked away leaving my boyfriend to catch up with me. I then spoke to Tim afterwards and explained why I was pissed off, saying that even if Ed didn’t mean it in a horrible the phrase in itself is mean and derogatory and was directed at me. Tim then replied ‘Yeh well I’m sure he didn’t mean it, you just have to laugh it off really.’ No. I do not have to laugh it off. Women have been ‘laughing off’ derogatory comments and actions for too long and I am sick to death of having to put up with everyday sexism which is so common people don’t even notice it. I am sick of, how did Trump put it? ‘Locker room banter’.

Zooey

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I went running today, a man said to me while I ran past him “sexy lady”. Not ok

Jenny

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Couple of years ago, I was out running along a path beside a main road, and as a car goes past the guy in the passenger seat leans out of the window with his phone, shouts something at me (I had headphones in, so couldn’t hear what) and snaps a photo of my arse as they drive past. Nice.

Paige

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My married-with-kids neighbor, who I thought I had a mildly positive, completely neighborly relationship with and whose children I’ve played with, tried to kiss me and told me about how he’d seen me naked. And how great my breasts are and that I’m sexy. He’d apparently been spying on me through the window in my master bathroom, which I didn’t think anyone could see into due to the angle of the houses. He also told me I shouldn’t be offended/embarrassed because this kind of thing “just happens in society.” But don’t tell my live-in boyfriend because he doesn’t want to be beaten up but it’s normal. And don’t be offended.

Molly

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I was at a gas station and while waiting for my tank to fill, I was cleaning my windshield. A car of teenaged boys pulls up across from me and the kid who got out says to me “I’ll give you $5 to see you wash my windshield!” I replied, “I’ll give you $5 to shove it up your ass.” He asked why I “had to be so mean” and that he was “trying to be funny.”