grope

theatrelover

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I’m from the U.S. up until last summer, we had a music festival called “Warped Tour” that would tour each state every summer. I had always wanted to go but never got the chance to until this past summer. It just so happened that this summer was supposedly the last Warped Tour, so my friends and I went. It was fun, but also extremely hot and gross out. My one guy friend who came with me ended up leaving early because he got called in to work, so it was just me and my two other female friends. We were waiting in a line to meet the band “We the Kings” when some dude walking past us, reached down, groped the bottom half of my right leg, and tried to walk past us without me noticing. I have quick reflexes, so after taking a split second to process what just happened, I turned my head super fast and started screaming and pointing at him “That dude just touched me! He just grabbed me! Right on my leg!” He took off, running away. I did that so all the young girls with their friends/moms could also notice him right away. I spent the rest of the time in line looking around for him so if I saw him get too close/touch another girl, I could report him right away. I didn’t want any other girl to experience the feeling if overall grossness I felt about the whole situation after that.

20s, Female, England.

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I was at a summer camping hobby, larping, I regularly go to. I’ve been going for a few years, lots of familiar people now. An older guy I’ve known for years, a well known face to everyone, someone who drinks too much, but is harmless said good night as I was walking past. They were heading to bed as it was late and I was walking the other direction to see friends, they go in for a hug and grab my boob in the process. They come away laughing, saying something like ‘you can slap me for it if you want’ and they offer a hug in apology, I try to refuse but they keep insisting, I’m still just kinda shocked that they would and want them to go away and relent. I get so angry, at myself. My first thoughts weren’t, what a dick, no, my first thoughts were ‘what have I done to deserve this?’ I ran a mental list of ‘yes I had a drink earlier today, but that was a sip and I haven’t drank the rest of today’ of ‘yes I have dressed more provocatively than usual this weekend, but it’s been warm.’ ‘am I wearing makeup?’ ‘did I say anything to this guy that could have led to this?’ I started by blaming myself. I hate that victim blaming is in my head. I’m glad I recognised it, but it just made me so angry it was there. Instead of thinking, ‘this guy knew he was in the wrong, he thinks he can trade grabbing my boob for a quick slap is fair’. It’s been three months, I keep trying to dissuade myself that it happened, it’s really not much in the scheme of things, people have way worse, this guy probably doesn’t remember it, I don’t want to give this guy a bad reputation for something that took less than a second. But I don’t want it to happen again. I’ve made a decision I hope I stick to; I will see him again at least in 6 months, I will be civil if he talks to me. But if he goes in for a hug I will avoid it, and if he pushes for a hug I will say ‘no, last time you hugged me you grabbed my boob’ it will sound petty and stupid, and I’m so likely to just try to shrug it off instead. I really hope he’s not around anyone for them to hear, and I hope I can escape quickly after. I think he will be confused, not remember and laugh it off. It was just a quick grope.

J

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Clubs seem to be acceptable places in a guys mind for public, non-consensual, ‘casual’ groping. In crowds, they will VERY often over the course of a night pass behind you whilst just lightly stroking your butt (or just above, but close enough that you can feel where those hands want to be). Depending on where I go, this sometimes happens near constantly. You have to be hyper-aware of everyone around you and by the time it’s happened and you turn around to call them on it, they’ve practically disappeared into the crowd. On the odd occasion that you catch them, there’s little you can do but give them a dirty look. I’m not exaggerating when I say this can and has happened to me every three minutes or so (or more sometimes) on some nights. I did once punch a guy in the face for it (he went for a full on grope), at which point I was called “frigid” as he tried to make out that it was on ok thing to do; a compliment even. After dealing with way too much of it, I’m now really selective about the places I go as I know where I’m more or less likely to get groped now and avoid the places where it’s most common. The only place I actually feel safe to go and dance, be myself and actually have fun is in one of my cities gay bars. I’m straight. I shouldn’t have to choose where I go based on the local groping probability!

Ashleigh

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Every time I go out partying with my friends, being fondled or groped is a guarantee, but a few months ago I was left alone in the middle of a crowded club, a man approached me and grabbed at my waist talking to me. I couldn’t hear him, but I replied ‘sorry, I’m just looking for my friend’. He didn’t let go of me, and I pushed his arms off and ignored his continuing advances. I have never really had an extremely violent response from rejecting a guy, but this man grabbed my forearm yanking me towards him and began shouting into my face. “Who the fuck do you think you are ignoring me? You stuck up bitch, you don’t ignore me.” And I was petrified as he grabbed at my bum. I wanted to sob as no one was helping me, and the man was at my face, but I’d heard of girls who fought back and got glasses smashed in their faces. My mother always taught me to just walk away from these kind of men, but she never said what to do if they followed you. Eventually, I was able to wiggle myself away from his grip after a harder shove at him. I considered myself lucky that I managed to escape. That same night, another boy, who was my friend, groped my chest and held me to him forcefully by shaking an arm around my waist and pinning me to his back. The next morning I told my Mum, she didn’t seem worried, I’m still not sure if any of this constitutes as sexual assault.

Jessica

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I was walking through Leicester Square in London with my female friend when I was about 25 and a man walking towards me grabbed my breast as he walked past and kept walking. I was so shocked I kept walking. I still feel angry and violated and wish I had thumped him.

Anonymous

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When I was in Year 8 at secondary school, I was sexually assaulted. We were in art class, our art teacher was demonstrating so we were stood gathered round her. I was wearing a skirt with ankle socks as it was hot weather, suddenly I felt a boys hand go up my skirt and touch my bum. I froze. I pushed his hand away. After my teacher had finished we returned to our seats. The girl next to me could see something was wrong, I told her what had happened. She told me the same boy had groped her and 3 other girls and the school were already aware. She asked me to tell a teacher, she went and fetched one, we went into another room. The teacher was quite genuine and understanding, what I didn’t know at the time was that she would be the only one who would be. They contacted my parents, whom went on to contact the police. After a few days they came round, took my statement and said it wasn’t in my best interest to press charges as it would ruin his life and he would probably learn from this with just a telling off. Bare in mind I was his 5th victim by now. The school agreed to move him out of my classes and he was suspended for a week. After a year he was let back into my classes and the school completely forgot about it. He told everyone I was a liar, eventually I moved schools.

HJDA

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I remember being objectified as a woman as long as the boys noticed I didn’t just add ‘pointless’ tidbits to classes but I also had breasts. I remember in primary school the confusion when I argued with boys, even if I didn’t get it. I remember hitting puberty at school and being openly groped by a boy in my year at 14+ everyday at lunch with both hands and as a reflex laughing it off and feeling as if it was a compliment. I remember being harassed throughout chemistry about whether I ‘shaved’ or not. I wish now I had learned to make a fuss, not to just be complacent. I always believed myself to be a strong woman as I was always raised but as long as I just didn’t stand out too much. When I got my first boyfriend at 17 I remember being picked apart ’til I I felt there was nothing left, being called ‘unattractive’ in the shower and asked to lose weight. When I once plucked up the courage to tell him I thought he should get more muscle-y his response was simply ‘no’. I also remember the two times he raped me and how he apologised but did it again. I remember how it took over a year to come to the conclusion it was rape, because we were in a relationship and I guess these things just happened. I remember at 20 when my boss continually harassed me by text and after many rejections told me I ‘deserved to be in (his) pants’. I also remember how he stood in the way of another guy I liked, how he wouldn’t come near me because even though he appeared to be disgusted by his behaviour explained to me quite plainly it was kinda like a guy code. And I still don’t know by which of these two men I was offended more by. But I can say this. As a 21 year old woman I am loud, I speak out, I tell men and woman who are sexist exactly why their behaviour is wrong, I am sarcastic and I am confident. Because of projects like this I know I am not alone, that I do not deserve this and this behaviour is not normal. I now openly tell people my boss is a sexist prat that doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together and have managed discuss with friends the verbal abuse I suffered under my ex boyfriend and utter to even a few the categorical rape I have suffered. Because no this is not normal and no this is not okay.

Jess

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I’m finishing up my Erasmus year in Spain. I had to go into uni for a class, and given it was around 29 degrees, I decided to wear a dress. By no means would I have considered it revealing: it shows no cleavage and is knee length.I was walking back to my building after my class and I open the building door and a man follows me in. I’ve not seen him before but I don’t know most of my neighbours beyond those on my floor. I wait for him to continue up the stairs while I sort out some post, but he stays in the lobby. I find this weird but head on up the stairs, and then I feel him start to feel me up. I turn round, pretty much going “what the fuck” and he gives me a surprised look and tells me to calm down; which of course only makes me more angry. I tell him to not touch me and to get out, he does so but looks at me like I’m crazy. As soon as I see the door close, I run up the stairs to my flat in tears. I text some friends and as I recount it, I begin to feel like maybe I overreacted or that I did something to provoke this. Even though my friends assure me that it’s creepy, it’s sexual assualt, and that I didn’t overreact at all, I still don’t feel comfortable labelling it as that and I’m now leaving the flat in long trousers. Intellectually, I know it was entirely his fault but I still can’t help feeling like I’m responsible.

George

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In Tesco a ~60 year old man pushes in between me and my friend, dragging his palm across my chest. I was wearing a binder at the time, I am a nonbinary person. I wonder if he was trying to find out whether I had breasts?

Anonymous

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Working as a waitress in a tiny local restaurant back home. My boss (the owner) would FREQUENTLY make disgusting comments and behave in an innappropriate way. To name a few… 1) He bit my thigh while I was sat at the bar one day. 2) frequently told me or my friend that we smelled like “pussy juice” if we had seen our boyfriends earlier that day 3) He was a member of a site called “Benaughty.com”. He would call us over to see what we thought of the women on the site, only to be confronted with naked images of girls in sexual positions when he showed us his iPad screen. 4) would smack my ass at LEAST once every shift I wanted to leave that job so many times, but needed the money (it was £7 an hour) and was too scared to tell my parents about what was happening. Both me and my friend who worked there were 17.