20s, Female, England.

I was at a summer camping hobby, larping, I regularly go to. I’ve been going for a few years, lots of familiar people now.

An older guy I’ve known for years, a well known face to everyone, someone who drinks too much, but is harmless said good night as I was walking past. They were heading to bed as it was late and I was walking the other direction to see friends, they go in for a hug and grab my boob in the process. They come away laughing, saying something like ‘you can slap me for it if you want’ and they offer a hug in apology, I try to refuse but they keep insisting, I’m still just kinda shocked that they would and want them to go away and relent.

I get so angry, at myself.

My first thoughts weren’t, what a dick, no, my first thoughts were ‘what have I done to deserve this?’ I ran a mental list of ‘yes I had a drink earlier today, but that was a sip and I haven’t drank the rest of today’ of ‘yes I have dressed more provocatively than usual this weekend, but it’s been warm.’ ‘am I wearing makeup?’ ‘did I say anything to this guy that could have led to this?’

I started by blaming myself. I hate that victim blaming is in my head. I’m glad I recognised it, but it just made me so angry it was there.
Instead of thinking, ‘this guy knew he was in the wrong, he thinks he can trade grabbing my boob for a quick slap is fair’.

It’s been three months, I keep trying to dissuade myself that it happened, it’s really not much in the scheme of things, people have way worse, this guy probably doesn’t remember it, I don’t want to give this guy a bad reputation for something that took less than a second.

But I don’t want it to happen again.

I’ve made a decision I hope I stick to; I will see him again at least in 6 months, I will be civil if he talks to me. But if he goes in for a hug I will avoid it, and if he pushes for a hug I will say ‘no, last time you hugged me you grabbed my boob’ it will sound petty and stupid, and I’m so likely to just try to shrug it off instead. I really hope he’s not around anyone for them to hear, and I hope I can escape quickly after.

I think he will be confused, not remember and laugh it off. It was just a quick grope.