husband

Lia

Today I’m sorting through my clothes.I intend to get rid of the super-short tight crop tops, the dresses which are low cut in a ‘v’ almost as far as my bellybutton, the dresses that are so short I can’t lift my arms past waist height and a few sheer tops that are basically see-through. These were all given to me over the years by my husband of nearly 20 years. I have had to be grateful for all of these gifts and wear them out with him at times despite feeling incredibly uncomfortable about it. He gets super offended if I say that I’m not comfortable wearing these things. He calls me a prude, but conversely will also comment about my size and shape making me feel even more uncomfortable. I am 44 years old. I’ve had two kids. I’m about 62kg, so a size 10 or so depending upon the brand. I am comfortable wearing leggings, short shorts and a bikini at the beach. To anyone else I’m definitely not a prude or fat. It is only with my husband that I feel these things. He is the same age, a white Australian male. He considers himself very progressive and not sexist at all. But my opinion certainly feels like it’s worth less, even talking about feminist issues and even, incredibly, my opinion about what I feel comfortable wearing. I could go on. On the whole he is a good man and I intend to stay married to him. But a marriage (or long-term relationship) should be a place where you feel accepted, valued and loved for what is in your heart and your head, not what you look like or what you achieve.

Babysteps

My aunt is an inspiration to us. She’s always been quirky,hilarious and entertaining. We asked her to start a youtube channel as we felt it would be a good platform for her to be creative. Her husband , a self proclaimed “modern” man thinks it’ll bring way too much attention and focus on her and claims it’s not “ideal” for a wife and a mother to venture out in something so public. Basically he wants her shine all for himself and for him to occasionally parade her to his friends like an invaluable artifact aquired. It’s an arranged marriage. He’s clearly insecure that she would have never been his if our family actually married for love.

JS

At a professional conference—relevant because vendors could safely assume that attendees had their own sources of income—a representative of the New York post stopped me as I walked by his booth and asked if I wanted to subscribe. I gave some kind of polite no—maybe “not right now, thanks” or “I’ll have to think about it”—and the man nodded knowingly. “You have to check with your husband, huh?” An excellent way to lose any business I ever might have considered giving them.

Jane

My husband raises his eyebrows at things I say all the time. He will often direct his raised eyebrows at my daughter to get her to join in with thinking that I’m crazy or mad for saying something that he doesn’t agree with. It makes me feel sick that he could do this to her. My friend has just been over for tea and has complained to me about my husband. She said he does the same thing to her (I have never spoken to her about the eyebrow thing). He raises his eyebrows to other men when she has been enjoying herself and having a few drinks. It makes her feel awful and she says she didn’t sleep for 2 nights when he did it recently. And she doesn’t want me to say anything to him about it so now I’m just left feeling awful about the man I married. He is so much more chauvinist than I ever realised. I don’t know what to do.

Jen

I am a digital nomad, who also happens to be a single mother with two children. I really hate how it is always assumed that I have a husband, and I hate how shocked people are when I tell them “No, we are traveling alone.” It also saddens me that I can’t go everywhere I want to because I am afraid of sexual violence or being mugged. Taxi drivers in parts of the country I am in currently (Panama) have a history of taking you to an ATM and forcing you to withdraw all your money (and then sometimes worse things happen!). I have male friends who travel, and they can basically go wherever they want, whenever they want. I wish myself and my children were afforded the same luxury.

Jen

I recently explained to my mother what “mansplaining” is. She told me a story of how she’d contacted a piano tuner to come to my parent’s home to tune her piano. She said that after she had spoken with him about him coming to service the piano, he then asked her to put him on the phone with her husband so he could give the piano tuner directions to their home. To this man’s credit, he was very embarrassed and apologetic when she responded with shock that he didn’t think she knew where her house was.

joann

My husband is the best I can get and ours is a love marriage. But sometimes it really bothers me that he shouts sexist words when he is angry and leaves me wondering if I should get a divorce. But otherwise I can’t find anything bad on his part. Just that he doesn’t want to cook but insists I must. Want to write much more but I’m preoccupied with so many tasks he wants me to do. I just want to be a free woman who can sit and listen to music or read what she wants without getting called at least twice every minute.

Fuming

My husband grabs my breasts or puts his hand between my legs when we hug. This ihappens only seconds after we make some initial sweet contact. He is offended and angry when I pull away or protest. He doesn’t seem to understand that he needs to get consent, even if it is nonverbal(some sign that I am into it) , and that he needs to move slower, not just immediately grab. He’s a smart guy. I don’t know why he continues to do this and act as if it is my problem. I feel as if he thinks he is entitled to touch me whenever he likes because we are married. This makes me so angry.