london

Charlotte

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15 years ago I was walking past Balham tube station on a warm day. A group of three men of similar age to me were walking towards me and one of them put his face in my chest (I was wearing a vest top, it was warm) and ‘motorboated’. It lasted seconds and they all laughed and kept walking while I stood frozen on the spot, shocked and humiliated. No-one stopped to see if I was ok and there were people around. I walked home in tears. I am still not over the anger I feel at the entitlement they showed to my body, the humiliation I felt and that I didn’t punch him in the face or scream or react at all.

Elena

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In year 6 (UK) people from Transport for London came into our school to talk to our year group about staying safe on transport. One of the things they said that stuck with me was “on the bus, never sit on the window seat, because if someone takes the seat next to you, you won’t be able to easily get out of a bad situation. Never in my life have I sat alone in the window seat… I am a girl in year 10 now, I wonder how many of the boys my age have to know this… I wonder how many remember…

Niki

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I was on my commute home last summer. I was wearing a dress with thin straps, as it was a really hot day (and even hotter underground!). I got onto the packed carriage at Holborn, squishing myself in and quickly grabbing onto a rail. As soon as we started to move, a man reached across this CROWDED carriage and grabbed at the strap of my dress. No words from him, just laughter as I turned to him flustered, saying “Excuse me?!” I wish I could’ve thought of something witty or insulting to say back to him (why is it that I can only think of those things AFTER the incident occurs?). But part of the reason why I didn’t push it was the lack of reaction of those around me. This man’s arm obviously bumped into 3-4 other people as he reached across to pull at my dress, but nobody cared to do anything. They just stared at the floor, the ceiling, their phones. In my head, part of me thought that I shouldn’t start anything because I would just annoy the commuters who just want to get home after their long work day. It makes me angry that I think such a way, that I would rather accommodate everyone by staying quiet and uncomfortable, but there you go. I like to think that the next time something like this happens, I’ll be braver to speak out. But we’ll see.

Harriet Richardson

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I was going on a short walk on my lunch break when an older man (around 70) wolf whistled me and shouted something vulgar from his car window. I quickly walked off as A) I’m used to it and B) I never know what to do, when I heard a woman shouting to him from the other side of the road. I assumed she was telling him off and I was really pleased about this as I always regret not saying anything. I approached the lady when she walked towards me and asked her if she knew the man. She replied “yes, he’s my long time friend…why whats the matter?” and I said “Oh, well you’re long time friend just wolf whistled me, so next time you see him please could you tell him to stop doing it” to which she replied “well, maybe if you didn’t dress like that you wouldn’t have to worry about it”. Brilliant. I left completely dumbfounded. Even though I know it doesn’t make a slight bit of difference – Im wearing a black dress thats just above the knee, tights, boots and a black oversized jacket.

Billie

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I was standing alone on the side of a quiet road in central London yesterday evening and checking my phone before crossing the street to head home. Completely out of nowhere a tall man shouted in my face and waved his hands right in front of my eyes. I had been engrossed in the message I had been reading and could not really hear much because of my headphones but when he screamed in my face I was really freaked out. An other very tall man this person was with then laughed and said that I had thought I was getting my phone stolen, the whole interaction angered and upset me so much that I swore at them both and stormed off humiliated. I left the street to stares from passers by and the laughter of the two grown men who had just accosted me. I cried my whole bus journey home, genuinely feeling like anyone could come in to my personal space at any time without my consent.

Jamal

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I worked at a supermarket (Waitrose) in London. there were two girls i worked with there who would continuously grope me. I was a shy 18 year old and was scared to say anything. went on for a few years.constantly feeling my ass when walking past, stroke my leg from behind while putting something into the bin in front of me (through my legs)

Eli Tersou

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Tonight I went out with some friends on a light-hearted and fun night out. We drank, we laughed, we played music and we danced. It was overall very fun and carefree. However I managed to leave the club furious and frustrated… In the space of 2 hours I was groped 5 times. That’s an average of being touched without my consent every 24 minutes. Every 6 song I had a man either tighten his crotch against my butt, squeeze my arm uncomfortably tight to my breast or stick his index finger in the hollow of my cleavage. Fucking ENOUGH. Would you ever imagine a woman doing that to a man? What kind of world do you live in where you think people will reciprocate to such ridiculous and offensive advances? But the problem is that there are so many women that do. I even saw one of the men who had fondled me getting with a girl an hour after having inserted his hand in the two creases under my butt cheeks and lifting the weight of them whilst he pressed his semi hard genitals against them. How is this OK and how are women perpetrating and even rewarding this disrespectful behaviour is just beyond me. I was not even wearing anything provocative and this should not be, in any case, the issue. No matter how I dress or look like am NOT ASKING FOR IT and you are not entitled to treat me with a sense of undignified superiority, lending yourself to touch my body whatever way you see fit. I could be rubbing my genitals all over a pole stark bollock naked and that would still not be any excuse for you to touch me without my own consent. I mean can you imagine if a woman grabbed a man’s genitals in a club, feeling the weight and girth of a man’s balls and penis? Can you imagine the man getting, very obviously, upset at that completely ridiculous and intrusive advance and the girl, instead of asking for forgiveness, shrug it off, pat the guys head and turn around on to the next unsuspecting man? Ofcourse not, because that behaviour is absolutely nonsensical, hurtful and outright disgusting. The frustration and outrage you feel when a guy does that and when you confront him he smiles or winks at you and walks away is very disempowering. Like your reaction is invalid and you have to just “deal with it, that’s how men are, they can’t control themselves”. Yes they fucking can. Men are not animals. Men have brains and rationale and thinking with their dicks is not enough of an excuse to not think and disrespect others. Even if you are drunk! I mean, for the love of god, when they have daughters, would they ever be ok with such behaviours directed at their own children? At their mothers or at their sisters? Thankfully, I know that most if not all men that surround me would not even think of behaving in such way, and I know most would rise up to the occasion and confront them. But how disenheartening it is that when out dancing with friends, when you walk down the street, when you go on a run or when you even hold business meetings, you have to witness and be subject to these sexist behaviours.

Nadia

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I was walking through central London (because I lived there) and heading home. A 4X4 car drove past and a man shouted ‘I’M GOING TO RAPE YOU’ out of it. It drove off. Horrible, horrendous and scary.

Becky

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I was groped on the tube (Northern Line) on my way to work. I didn’t do anything, I froze and went into auto pilot. I should have shouted and screamed, but I didn’t. When I told my male and female coworkers about it most of them were shocked that it had happened when I was sober.

Rebecca

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This is the first time I’ve posted on this forum, and I wasn’t sure which story I should include. But, seeing as already today, before 9am, horns were tooted at me and I was ogled at on the tube, 4 times, I feel it appropriate to share this. It’s the last day of August. I live and work in London. I have a 45 minute commute on the tube and it gets very hot and very uncomfortable quickly. So, naturally, one would prepare to wear clothing to keep cool, without getting to work looking like a frizzy-haired, sweaty bear who’s just failed at running a marathon. So, today I have on a dress. Not my normal every-day wear, but seeing as it’s summer and beautiful weather, why not. It’s sleeveless, red and black, has a bateau neckline (no I didn’t just Google that) and sits just slightly above my knees. God Forbid. Cramming onto a tube in rush hour is bad at the best of times, but when it’s sunny and warm outside, so many people are in the worst moods ever. Me included: it’s early, I’ve not had my coffee fix, and I’m crushed into a little tin can that’s hurtling below London’s hot and busy streets. So sure, if you bump into me, I’ll more often than not give a wry smile and a nod of the head – it’s ok. But not this morning. I managed to get a seat about halfway through my journey, once I’d changed from the Northern Line to Piccadilly. And immediately a man who had been sat across from me came and sat right beside me. A little weird, sure, but hopefully harmless. It was as his man-spreading increased and his leg was pressed against mine that I wanted nothing more than to actually get to work and type up my Finance meeting notes. When I jumped off the tube and walked out the station, a builder standing smoking immediately wolf-whistled. On my 5 minute walk to work, 2 white vans honked their horns and the men inside laughing who legit looked about 14 drove away on their merry way, leaving me to feel conscious and walk that little bit quicker and warier of any men around me. All for wearing a dress. The most frustrating thing about this is that I feel there is no way to change this behaviour, because it’s all just a joke and lads are being complimentary, innit. Don’t get so worked up about men paying you attention. Well the thing is, I don’t WANT or NEED this attention. I was on my way to work, as I do every day, and I expect to feel safe and normal like any other person. How can this actually change and what needs to happen before men stop. Just stop.