Tag Archives: Media

MeganS30

Matched with someone on Tinder. First thing he says is “don’t you look like a snack.” Actually dude I am a human being not a sandwich. Next.

NJ

When I was the only girl in my class doing geology as a subject, and I was told I couldn’t go on the annual field trip because they would have to find a female teacher to go too, and they clearly didn’t want to spoil their men’s/boy’s club. Recording studios offering paid masterclasses in music production to get more women interested in studying music, yet not actually offering positions to trained women. WhY ArE OnLy 2% WomEn iN MuSic ProDucTiOn? Well, duh. Being harrassed in videogames when you have to use a mic on MMO-RPGs and reveal you’re a girl. Girls are not that rare, we just learned not to have a voice the hard way. Makeup is considered opt-out, not opt-in. Not to mention mainstream media wants you to hate how you naturally look to sell more products. You’re no less a woman if you opt out of makeup products, or have more body hair, or have a few more curves. Being told on social media by several men that your actual real-life experiences of sexism are not representative of the many and you’re simply being hysterical. Looking at you, reddit.

H

My boyfriend doesn’t want me to get a job if we get married as he thinks I don’t need to work because he will bring money to the table.

katie

I was scrolling through facebook last week and saw a post with old war photos. Most were of men, and all the comments focused on what they were doing, how they were heroic, adding historical details so people understood the context of the photo etc – I didn’t pay much attention. Then there’s one photo of a woman carrying a machine gun hiding behind a building and the comments were (i kid you not): “she thick” “what a babe” “i would” “she’s beautiful” what ????

Kitty

– a co worker 13 years older than me told me with no prompting that he “likes big women” and looked me up and down. I was 18 and in a committed relationship. – my mother told me its not an issue when 50 year old men at work flirt with me and tell me to “smile”. I was 18. – a man followed me and my mother back to our hotel in a country thousands of miles from home, he only stopped when a man we knew met us on our way back. I was 10. – I told a guy I was a lesbian (it was a phase but still valid) he looked me up and down and said “I still would”. I was 16. – the librarian in my high school told me to not wear a skirt because “no one wants to see your flabby thighs”. I was 15. – more people than I can could told me before I was 16 that my shorts and skirts were too short – my sister and I walked down the street, both wearing shorts in 25 degree heat, a white van drove past and honked, we flipped him off, he circled the block and drove past us again to scare us. I was 12. – a man 21 years older than me stayed on the phone to me for 2 hours at work (call centre) calling me every name under the sun and telling me repeatedly he was flirting with me. he even looked up my office while on the phone and went through it all on google maps. I am not allowed to end the call. – a was 15, I went on my first date, I wore a nice blouse and some floral boots. my date told me I looked “like a lesbian” when he got on the bus to leave the bus drover told me I have a “nice rack” my date saw no issue in that – a stranger on tinder messages me a vile sexual comment about what he wishes to do to me. His comment is the same as a hundred others. – I get out of the shower to find a message from a boy at school. He’s asking to finger me because he heard I’m not a virgin. I was. I had never spoken to him before. I was 14.

Journey

At my school there has always been words or actions that would put people down. I never thought I would be one. There was a boy I knew in kindergarten who had a crush on me but moved away after the third grade. Never thought I would see him again. He moved back our 8th grade year and I didn’t even know it. He didn’t even know I was still in that town. 9th grade started and we met at the 1st Speech and Debate meeting. We recognized each other and slowly became friends again. We became partners for different events and even made some new friends in Speech and Debate practice. Before our homecoming dance we had a football game and he asked me right before the band headed into the stands to go to Homecoming with him. I said yes but right before the dance one of my friends said he used to hit her and leave bruises. I was scared but I still went. He found out at the dance that I didn’t like him like that and things got awkward. We got into fights because he kept hitting my friend and I dropped being partners with him. I told him to leave me alone but that only lasted for a few weeks. He started to bother me again, saying or suggesting some things over text message. I was so scared to tell anyone. I didn’t even tell my sister or closest best friends afraid of what they might think of me. Whenever I would see him, or hear his name I would get panic attacks and no one understood why. It wasn’t until I found this website that I realized I wasn’t alone. Thank you to everyone who has read this, for listening to what I have to say. This has made it so much easier on me and the stress I had to deal with since this kept happening over and over again. It feels like a weight and has been lifted off my shoulders. Thank you Laura for this website where we know we are not alone.

Anon

I feel completely overwhelmed when I think about how sexism has impacted my life. I have lost jobs, been harassed, assaulted, silenced, belittled, dehumanised, criticized and ridiculed because of the biological sex that I was born into. I really don’t know how to deal with it, there isn’t the support there, and most of my guy ‘friends’ are adamant that it doesn’t exist and that I need to separate my work and private life. It’s exhausting having to explain to people that when you’re born female you literally don’t have a choice, you’re politicised everywhere, in every way every day. It feels insurmountable to the point where I cannot stop crying when I think about it, and the more I think the more suffocating it is. None of my female friends have said that they’ve felt like this so if there’s anyone out there feeling alone with it, you’re not, and I get u <3

Anna

This happened a few months ago but I remembered it again today. I was sat in a pub with my boyfriend and his male housemate (I miss pubs!) watching sports on TV. The footage of the game cut to commentary from the studio and one of the commentators was a middle aged woman. ‘Oh great,’ said the housemate, ‘time for the ugly old woman.’ I was shocked – not only that he was thinking this, but also that he said it so conversationally, as if we would obviously both agree with him. Not that it’s relevant, but she definitely wasn’t ugly. And needless to say, he didn’t feel the need to comment on the appearance of the middle aged male commentator sat next to her.

Reddit double standards

I recently went on Reddit for some advice about my relationship. I was honest, admitting a stupid mistake I had made with my boyfriend (I got mad at him for getting me not what I wanted but something else from the store, and I said some resentful things to him that I regretted, and I wanted to find a way to make it right). The responses I got were extreme, all of them starting with the accusation that I am emotionally abusing him, some of them rooting for him to run from this “abusive situation”, lots of them writing stuff like “he will need months of therapy to rehabilitate from this damage, victims of abuse need a safe space where they can say what they want without having to worry about what their abuser will do.” Come on. I said some shitty things, and immediately I regretted it and went to seek help even from total strangers. I am not an abuser. Everyone makes mistakes. But these people tore me apart. Even when I reacted to their comments, clarified details, told them I was aware my comment to my boyfriend was a lousy one and I’d had a crappy childhood and stuff like this sometimes still creeps up on me, but I want to stop it, and I’m in therapy, and I’m doing everything I can not to become emotionally manipulative like my mother – even then, they called me an abuser and shamed me for my one mistake and claimed I must behave like this all the time. On the other hand, I read lots of other posts on Reddit that day, and found that there were many accounts of way worse abuse done by men to women, men who did not seem to see the error of their ways at all, and yet they were being judged waaaay less harshly than I was for admitting that I made a not so nice comment to my boyfriend. Why is it that we women are expected to be perfect? It also hurt that when I mentioned that my bf makes less than me, and was struggling financially so I helped him out, some of the redittors wrote stuff like “you’re making him financially dependant on you so you can abuse him more easily”. Fuck that! And if I’d made another choice, and not helped him out so that he could sort stuff out on his own? What would they have written then? “You cold-hearted bitch, you won’t even help your boyfriend in hard times, you’re abusing him”? It seems that NO MATTER what women do, we will get hated on. Try your best, and they will still find a problem with you.