As a woman, I have been trying and failing to understand why some men want me to do certain things on command and behave in certain ways for their titillation. My boyfriend was kind and caring at first, but after a few weeks, he made it no secret that he watched porn on his devices. He would talk about porn openly with his male friends during the middle of the day and discuss the porn inspired things he wanted to do to me with his mates. I don’t have cloth ears. I told him that what he said was making me feel uncomfortable but he just laughed and said “calm down darling”. When we were alone, he would would say: “Now baby I want you to…you’ll enjoy it…” and would state explicit acts that I was not comfortable with. He would sulk when I said “No”. He suggested that I “should” perform some of these acts on his lonely male friends. I firmly said “No” and he became upset and that I should do what he said because I was his “property”. Also he said that he had promised his male friends (without consulting me first) that I was going to perform for them in certain ways. He said that he was trying to “train” me to basically give lap dances on command. His lonely male friends had requested to him that I should lap dance for them. I figured out that was why he had kept telling me to sit on his lap, sometimes tempting me with food. When I did sit on his lap out of choice, he’d pat me on the head and say “good girl” and feed me a crisp. When I wasn’t in the mood to sit on his lap he would get very angry and sulky with me saying that if I really loved him, I would try to make him happy. I would not get fed a crisp and be called “bad girl”. It seems so stupid looking back on it now but he was basically training me to be a lap dancer using circus dog training techniques. He gave me a crisp and called me “good girl” when I took my jumper off because it was hot indoors. He then said “Now take off your shirt babe”. That’s how stupid things became because he had promised his male friends (without telling me) that I would strip for them. Thankfully I never did.
when i first got instagram i was 9 or 10 and i had my age in my bio like all of my other friends did and i remember getting a notification that someone who didnt follow me wanted to message me and i wanted to know why so i replied we talked for a while until he decided to send me a dick pick i said what the hell and blocked him. it happened 2 more times before i took my age out of my bio and i didnt get another one until i put my age back in when i was 13 because i thought that it was fine to put my age in now and that people would be better. but i kept being sent them even while i had a boy in my profile picture specifically to try and get those people away. ive not put my age back in because guys thought it was fine to still send dick pics to children even though it disgusts me i will never not laugh at the boy who sits next to me not believing that men can be absolutely disgusting and knowingly send a child a dick pic
I’m only 13. I should not have to go through this. I’ve been playing a lot of online murder mystery (Among us mostly) games lately with stagers in public lobbies. This tends to lead to people being less careful about what they say (or chat, this game had a texting like system to talk) because they don’t know who you are. While playing I’ve always played with a very feminine skin that I play with because I like. So far I have gotten many comments including: Are you hot? Want to date? Guess what? I fucked Meg (They actually said that. I was confused at first, but even more confused when I realized a random stranger was claiming to have had sex with me) Are your legs long? Do you have boobs? Thats really hot. Let me do the detective work sweetie. Well it can’t be Meg she’s too sweet to be the killer. While playing these games people will constantly be asking. Are you a girl? This doesn’t seem like a very impactful question but it really is. I was playing with this person who told me he was a boy so I told him I was a girl. I thought it was fine until I got accused of being the murder and he immediatly jumped in to defend me. Like a could not defend my self It might be just me but he deffenely did not defend me when he thought I was a boy. Also when we are playing they are always telling me to follow them. Him: Follow me around the map Me: Why? Him: I know where to go Me: So do I Him: Just Follow me okay? Like I was way to dumb to understand the game. The most annoying thing that happened to be so far was I was playing and fed up of being ignored, I put on a boy skin, a boy name and played the game. I found the killer every dam time. By the end of my 4th game everyone was really into it saying things like “you solved the case again”, “are you sherlock” and “you have 90000000000 iq”. When I mentioned I was a girl those comments stopped. I even ran the calculations. With a ‘boy’ name in a ‘boy’ skin, people were actually 68% more likely to belive me when I said I knew who the killer was then when I was dressed as a sterotipical girl. Of my 100 accusations as a girl I got called a bitch 13 times. “Stop being a bitch” “Stop being so bitchy” “Stop it. Your acting like a bitch” Sometimes they even accused me (as a girl) of being the killer. Not when i was a boy. Let me tell you, my male alias did not get called a bitch once. Even when I MENTION to my class that I play video games they automatically think I play games like Bitlife and the Sims4. I mean, I do but it should not be the stereotype that I play that and not Fortnite or Call of Duty. From now on I’m just going to play as a Boy. Its much easier. My new name will be Sherlock. They will not ignore me. Meg
I was watching a kids TV show with my 1 year old son. There are 2 male characters and a female character. The female character is dressed in pink with a flower on her headband so you know it’s the girl one. Most of the episode so far is them all running about together – the boys have lots of action and dialogue, the girl much less. Then the boys reel in a (talking) fish. They establish that the fish is a trout. The girl gasps “oh my goodness, I’ve never seen a real live trout before! Do you use your gills to breathe underwater?!” – a perfectly valid an intelligent question. The fish grumpily says yes, then turns to the boy and says “Does she always talk this much?” (She asked ONE question!!), and the boy replies “yes, I’m afraid so.” What a little prick. Needless to say, I turned that shit off.
Women carry the burden of creating and maintaining family traditions and activities at Christmas. Messaging should be supportive of women adapting traditions and encouraging those around them to share the burden and to be supportive of any alterations to adapt for Covid-19 restrictions. This is the official advice of the UK Government (direct quote) Need I say more.
When I was being treated for depression at a mental health day centre, men would use the computers in a common area to search the internet for porn during the middle of the day. As a woman I was often left alone in the common area with the men discussing porn and did not feel safe. This was after female mental health workers told everyone that we shouldn’t be looking for porn on the computers because this was a public environment and technically a workplace. This advice went in one ear and out the other for many men. Some of the older men being treated showed some of the younger men (including those with learning disabilities) where to find porn on the internet. Also some of the male caregivers discussed the size of women’s bottoms and breasts with the men being treated asking which they preferred. When the female staff members found out that some of them men were searching for porn on the computers, these women screamed the place down. This row with the men went on for several hours. It was excruciating to have to listen to. I was rattled and nervous enough as it was. Why couldn’t this have been sorted out quietly and peacefully? Nobody seemed to care about my eardrums or my sanity during all of this. No one there empathised with my emotional and physical discomfort. When staff members said that they wanted to treat the male “patients” like adults and not as children, one of the men said: “I am an adult man. I like porn. Porn is good and fun.” This annoyed and infuriated the female staff members no end. The offending men had to be banned from using the computers. When sat at a table some of the men tried to grope me by reaching their hands under the table. Some men would try and chat me up because for a while I was the only female “patient” there. They would ask me if I had a boyfriend and would say that they “loved” me. They would openly say these things in front of staff members. Some of the men would rant about how many girlfriends they had or what “bitches” their ex girlfriends were. These men also made jokes about the female staff members being “witches” even when it wasn’t Halloween. Some of these men would bring in periodicals with photos naked/scantily clad women and openly discuss these images at the table. I would’ve far been better off staying at home than being subjected to this rubbish. All that I learned from being “treated” for depression was that lots of men are obsessed with porn and women’s body parts: one of the major reasons why I became depressed in the first place. Why couldn’t the men have looked up these images in their own private time at home? Why did they have to do this during the middle of the day? Did some of them not have internet connections at home? Some of the men initially refused to help wash up, bake cakes or sew for activities because some of the men called these “women’s work”.
I should start this off by saying that I am a lesbian, and have always been very proud of my identity, however, at the time.. i was not aware that “corrective rape” even existed. But in hindsight, i would have been a bit more private when it came to my preference..fore i believe it led to many of these situations, that is not to chalk it up to that, its just to add something to my book of “ways to be more tactically aware of the monsters that surround us.” To be honest, I couldn’t even recall every time Ive experienced sexual assault or harassment . . as Laura said in her ted talk we brush them off as casual, soon to just add to a long list of infuriating experiences that we attempt to hide because .. who would believe us? and if they did, who would care? to name a few, and i mean a few i went to a friends house where we were drinking, i went outside where a guy was just by himself, i wanted to be nice, so went up to him and made conversation, randomly,the topic of my being gay came up … he then took out his penis and said “just hold it” , i walked away and told my friend, she did not believe me. when i was 17 i was working as a busser in a restaraunt, the amount of times my ass was slapped, comments on my looks, and my favorite , when i man told me ” i bet you have nice perky nipples” when i responded (rightfully) appalled, he got upset and said “next time just take the compliment” in college, a boy a thought was my good friend came into my dorm demanding sex , I said no. He said “at least let me eat you out.” i told him i was on my period , he said. . “prove it, show me” i was disgusted so then he said, fine lets just cuddle, i didnt want to but at this point i was scared, and agreed, he crawled ontop of me and began to grope me ,i screamed “no, stop” over and over again until he did, got angry, furious even, punched the wall above my head, and left. I laid there crying and shaking for 20 minutes, and never told anyone.. i was on a bus on a forensics trip where a boy crawled under my bus seat and proceeded to look up my dress, when i accidentally stepped on his face… i was the one in trouble the worst.. and the one that i felt defined me.. and in some strange way, kind of has, but in a sense that has made me stronger, more tactically aware, brilliant, and outspoken advocate for so many amazing men and women.. when i was at a party i was having fun with friends until i got a little too drunk, guided into a bedroom , thrown on the bed on my belly , and r*ped with his hand over my mouth, and my hair clentched in his hand , eventually i passed out from the pain and fear. . (my body shut down) ive trully felt what “fight or flight” means… and after several minutes of fighting .. my body flew.. and i lost consciousness , i woke up with him gone, i crawled to the bathroom in so much pain with blood between my legs and didn’t say a word for two years. eventually .. i came out with the reason why i changed my name and never returned home, my mother took me to the police, i reported my attack and I fell down the deep dark well that is the aftermath of sexual assault, ptsd, anxiety, and depression..i developed eating disorders and was put on medication that i eventually realized just numbed me , and the side effects werent worth just walking around like a ZOMBIE. I was not living. I cut myself often, and I was incredibly suicidal. 5 years later.. after years of fighting through the night terrors, the nightmares, the flashbacks of my attack, the random triggers that occur daily.. i am now a successful “traumacore” rap artist that makes music for women and men that have been through the same experiences as I have. I am a statistic.
Just the fact that female characters in movies are often a reward for men.
In educational settings from Secondary School to College, I would constantly hear teenage boys and young men talking about porn in the corridors and in class. If people are of a legal age to watch and consume legal porn in their private time then don’t use it to hurt anyone or force people to do things they don’t want to then this shouldn’t be a problem. If people enjoy certain things legally in their private time then these things shouldn’t be censored. What I do take issue with however is boys and young men casually yelling about “porn” in the corridors of public and educational places. This wouldn’t be tolerated in a workplace so why is it ignored in educational settings? I have been chatted up by some young men in these settings who seem to think that “porn” is an instruction manual for how men should treat women in relationships. “You should enjoy it because that’s what happens to the women in the video” is a common male response to my disgust and shock after having a male describe video “scenes” to me in explicit detail. It’s even worse in the middle of the day. Sadly I have had to say: “You’ve just put me off of my lunch.” to these young men who talked about bodily fluids. They would protest and say that they were just trying to “make me happy” by talking about fictional fornication. Fortunately these young men just bantered about these things with me and other young women: I wasn’t forced to do anything physical. When young men would talk about and even try to grab some young women’s bottoms without their consent, it ceases to be a funny joke. Sadly this made me less likely to want to start a pleasant everyday conversation with these young men or even befriend them because they constantly had to talk about “porn”, “sex” and women’s body parts. To be honest they would brag about their male body parts and critique women’s body parts. Some of these young men would say out loud “I’d do her” when referring to women and girls they liked the look of. If some of these young men used any “charm” towards young women at all it was in the form of “negging” by saying to a young woman: “You may have got an A but you really are crap at Maths/Science.” Sadly I got this a lot. Some young men tried to use the internet to find porn when they were bored in class. As a teenager and later as a woman, I have found it very hard to relate to some men who talked about these things so openly in public settings: as a result have led a very lonely and unfulfilling life. Clearly I do not meet their male standard for how a woman should behave and be. Sadly many young men I met in educational settings expected women to behave and look like female porn actors. Some of these men were disappointed when this wasn’t the case. I am not saying that no one should talk about porn ever again, it’s just the disrespectful and possessive tone towards women that some men use with regards to porn that bothers me. When I was younger, I felt too embarrassed and feared that I would be dismissed if I reported these young men for their behaviour. The curriculum was so saturated with sex related topics already (including in English class how sexual imagery and innuendo is used to advertise products) that I felt powerless to say anything. Also my parents were very prudish and dismissive when I tried to talk to them about the young men’s verbal behaviours. I feel strongly that young women in educational settings should have a safe non judgemental place to go to report any behaviour from others that makes them feel uncomfortable. This stuff is very embarrassing, limiting and upsetting, so should be respected as such.
On linkedin.com I am shown a text advertisement asking “are your key men covered?” – referring to so called key man insurance – now known as key person insurance – I think the wording is mildly offensive as it plays into the idea that the important people in a business that need insuring are male. the company linked to the ad are keypersonquotes.co.uk. I can’t believe that in this day and age in the UK they are still creating an advert to be about “key men “