I got tinder as a bit of a fun joke with all my girls. I met a few guys and obviously was fun and cheeky, as you would when you get tinder. I noticed a pattern though throughout meeting different males, that they love asking you If you were a virgin. I would say yes as I am a virgin, and they would be so disgusted by the fact that I am a virgin and on tinder and that I am 18. I know it is tinder and obviously males are only on there for a reason, but I just felt disrespected in a certain way as they so highly made it clear about their reactions toward me saying I am a virgin. Comments were like: “Yeah I really don’t think we can hang out” “Too much to handle” But I even got some comments like this. “wow you must be so tight” It was just a little overwhelming. But I am a strong woman and I couldn’t care less what these poor males think. I just thought I might share it.
FB Post Those of you who follow my posts would know that they are fairly happy. Not today. Today I’m having a rant. I feel astonished at how people assume I have no identity or ability of my own. Never mind that I have a law degree from Cambridge, am a triple qualified lawyer as a barrister at Middle Temple Inn, an advocate & solicitor in Singapore and Malaysia, a masters in shipping law from Southampton University, and numerous papers as well as co-authoring a book on ship finance law in Singapore and Malaysia (the more boring it is, the more intellectual 😁). None of this appears on my forehead naturally. What does appear on my forehead apparently is ‘I am with him ➡️’. To my guy friends, when we are next out-and-about getting something done, please remind me to wear my ‘I am NOT with him ➡️’ t-shirt. Even though I am with you. I mean, getting coffee or stuff. I mean, … Forget it 😅 This is not a showing-off post. This is a post to show experiences of societal perceptions of single women. If any of you think to report me to the tax authorities, as I’ve already told an fb ‘friend’ who said I’ll be audited by the ‘new government’ for undeclared income, I’ve already been audited by the ‘previous government’, and I have no undeclared income 😁 True to my K-drama lockdown obsession, and as a nod to my English drama past, my rant is in the form of a script. Here it is: I AM NOT WITH HIM Act 1 Scene 1 Me: (entering yacht club to book yacht for party) Yacht guy: (talking to a group of guys about some yachts) Me: (waiting for my turn) Yacht guy: (talking some more to group of guys about other yachts) Me: (still waiting) Yacht guy: (talking even more to same group of guys about further yachts) Me: Excuse me, do you have a brochure or something about yacht hire rates? Yacht guy: Oh I thought you were with them! Me: No I am not with them. Act 1 Scene 2 Me: (entering Sentosa Cove building management office) Office lady: Are you with him? (Pointing to Caucasion guy on the other side of the room) Me: No. I am not with him. Act 1 Scene 3 Me: (entering used Porsche shop) Sales guys: (talking to other guy customers) Me: (browsing the used Porsche cars) Sales guys: (talking to some more guy customers) Me: Excuse me, does this 718 Cayman include a sports exhaust? Sales guy: Oh I thought you were with him! (Pointing to guy customer sitting with his wife and kids). Me: No. I am not with him. Sales guy: To drive this car you must place your hands on the steering wheel 10:10 and use the clutch pedal simultaneously with the brake pedal and accelerator. Me: I know that. Sales guy: You must earn at least $12,500 a month. Me: Oh ok. (Slowly dawns on me that 1. He thinks I can’t afford it 2. I can afford a brand new one) Where’s the brand new Porsche showroom? Act 2 Scene 1 Me: (entering brand new Porsche showroom) Sales guy: Madame, how may I help you? Me: I’m interested in your 718 Cayman. Sales guy: Please follow me. (I’m taken to a room, am given excellent service, plied with food, none of which is halal though 😅 It’s the same price as a one-yr-old car. Good call.) Me: (I do not buy because I don’t like how it drives, my daughter gripes ‘It’s flexing mummy!’, and in this pandemic that cash is better put to use helping others.)(I might still buy though. Just out of ego.) Act 2 Scene 2 Me: (buying a horse) This is a totally different episode. With a whole host of other issues. Like all good K-dramas there are 16 episodes. But I won’t bore you with the rest. Thanks for listening ✌🏼
This is such a great idea i’ve only just heard of! Public spaces: I’m a 30 year old woman and i’ve had countless times where a man/group of men have catcalled or wolf whistled etc in the street. There are a few that come to mind most: – Once in my mid twenties i was walking along a quiet street on my own and walked past a parked van which had it’s window down and a guy was sitting in the driver’s seat. He said loudly “jiggly tits” as i walked past. It took me a few moments to register he was talking about me and was shocked and annoyed at myself for not going back and confronting him. – Another time in my mid twenties i was walking past a pub alone with a group of middle aged men standing outside. One of them said something along the lines of “how are you today love?” I ignored him and carried on walking past him. He then said loudly “oh don’t be so miserable.” – Once at around 8pm i was walking home alone and a man who was drunk started shouting in my face about how ugly i was and following me. There were loads of people out on the street and no one stepped in and said anything, everyone just looked away. – Walking home from school at age 16, in school uniform, a group of builders started wolf whistling me. – I have a small tattoo on my ankle. Once i was walking along the street and two men walking nearby started talking really loudly about my tattoo and then asking me questions about it. Would they have done this if it was a man? In the workplace: – I worked in retail when i was a teenager and for many years in my twenties and there were countless times when men have commented things like “smile love” when i’ve been minding my own business. This also happens if i’m a customer. – A male colleague started asking me what my favourite sex positions were. I’d worked with him for about a week and barely knew him. When i told him that’s not something i wanted to speak about with him he replied “you English women are so cold.” – A male colleague told me how great my tits were. – A male colleague who would spend most his day standing about at the printer in the very large office trying to chat up all the young women. Nights out: When in university and out at pubs/clubs- – When dancing with just a small group of women, men would surround the group and almost try to pick off each one of us to separate us from each other and make it easier to ‘pull’. They would take offense if we showed no interest because the idea of a group of women just wanting to go out and have fun and not spend time with men is apparently crazy? Media: – Women are sexualised everywhere. It particularly infuriates me in sport – women parading around in hardly any clothes whilst the men play sport (think F1, wrestling, basketball, darts etc.) Even when they do get their foot in the door and actually play the sport they’re completely sexualised (think tennis, wrestling..).
A boy I knew in Elementary and middle school messaged me out of the blue. He told me that he liked me. That wasn’t the problem. He said in a respectful manner. I told him I liked somebody else. He asked if I would consider him. I said sorry, no. I told him I like girls (this is how I reject guys because they assume it means I am a lesbian when in actuality, I’m bi). He asked me if I was sure. I told him yes. I told him I am a homosexual (a true statement, I’m biromantic homosexual). He kept pushing. He asked if I’d ever been with a guy. I told him no. He asked, “so then how do you know you don’t like guys?” I told him I just know. He asked me if I’d ever sexually experimented with a guy. I told him no. Then he implied that I should sexually experiment with him. At this point, I shut down the conversation. This was far too far. He was borderline offering corrective rape. This was homophobic and sexist. Not only did he not believe me when I told him I didn’t want to fuck him because I’m gay, but he pried enough to get to that point. He didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t like him back, when I said no the first time. He felt the need to convince me that I was wrong. Not to mention that he and I were both 14 when offered to “sexually experiment” with me. The world fucking sucks.
I’m a 16 year old Indian girl who lives in the UK. When me and my family went to India for the summer holidays I wore leggings and a top to the shops to get some sweets for me and my brother. On my way there I was catcalled multiple times and everyone was staring at me. At first I was confused but my I got home I told my family and my aunt told me it was because I was dressed like a ‘slut’. My brother and male cousins are allowed to behave in any way that they want but if I do the same thing I get in trouble and get told to act ‘ladylike’. I once asked to go to a concert and my dad told me I wasn’t allowed to go cos ‘girls shouldn’t go out like that’. I wore a crop top and a family member told me I was more likely to get raped like that. In India sexism is so common everyone’s used to it. However in the UK I face similar things as well. On tik tok I see many boys commenting stuff about women being objects under videos of girls dancing but when boys do the same things (and even sexualise the dance) they are praised for it. Why are girls put down but boys are praised for doing the same things?!
I was watching a TED talk about rape culture on youtube and scrolled down to look at the comments. One user had left a message talking about her experience with sexual assault, and how she was always afraid to tell anyone. Most of the replies were super supportive, but one person said that she was lying and wanted attention. That made me so angry – clearly they hadn’t even watched the video, because they were doing exactly what is done to many rape victims: their stories are discounted and it’s somehow ‘their fault’. I know they were probably just trying to instigate, but it still irritates me so much.
I am beginning to realize what a subjective construct “normal” is. For so long, I have been so bothered by a bunch of little, seemingly insignificant things and the response I usually get from the world in general is that I’m overreacting. But today I read a weekly advice column that I always read because it’s excellent, and the response the lady gave to the person asking the question was a real eye-opener. The question was one of those things that just irritates me, gets under my skin but since other people usually consider it normal and acceptable, I assume I’m the one overreacting: a man asked what he should do with the slightly overweight girl he was dating because even though he was attracted to her he did not see a long-term future with her because of her weight. I expected the answer to be one empathizing with the asker, putting his feelings first, as is usual in these cases. I was amazed and shocked that the lady giving the advice actually called him out on being “one of those guys who is attracted to fat women but ashamed of it”, and told him to cut her loose because she deserves better. I think it’s the first time in my life I’ve heard someone side with the “unpopular” side. Also, I recognized how so many men had treated me this way, although I am not overweight, but maybe not pretty enough to be considered “girlfriend material” by many men who have had no problem being attracted to me behind closed doors just as long as nobody knew. And I always had to “understand their feelings” while I had this gnawing feeling in my gut that it just wasn’t fair. It feels so liberating to finally hear someone stand up for the woman’s side of this unfair situation, and it also feels weird how unheard of this usually is.
I did an internship at Woman & Home magazine in 2014 after struggling to find a job after uni and being interested in journalism. What I learned from that job put me off the publication. I realised that all the content was about making yourself a better woman – a better mum, cook, homemaker, employee, organizer, home cleaner, more fashionable, beautiful, fit, determined, wholesome. You would think that after nearly a century of publications, they might have achieved the ‘perfect woman’ by now. Newsflash – perfection doesn’t exist – stop trying so hard and stop making us feel like we need to strive for it! It’s too much pressure and I’ve seen how destructive it can be on some people’s mental health and self esteem.
Our school has a keyword system on the computers that cannot be overided where if you search or type any keywords such as “g*n” or anything else deemed innapropriate it won’t let you search or click on certain websites. I wouldn’t have a problem with this because I have no reason to search anything like that and it’s for our own saftey, however when I was searching for your book “Girl Up” it wouldn’t let me search because of “keywords”. I then typed “Girl Up by Laura Bates” and it was still a keyword that wouldn’t allow me to search. I removed everything I had typed other than the word “girl” and unsuprisingly that was the keyword. Infact me typing this submission right now has probably come up in the system. I then typed “boy up” and “boy” out of curiosity and “boy” isn’t a keyword. STOP OBJECTYFYING GIRLS JUST BECAUSE SOME DUMB TEENAGE BOYS MIGHT SEARCH THEM UP!!!!! And this is SCHOOL
I was disappointed to see an article on New Look’s website titled “3 Looks to Make Your Household Chores More Fun” in the “Women’s” section under “Ways to Wear” 12/05/2020. The rest of the article is just as bad as it sounds, illustrated by photos of models in frilly dresses and high heels doing laundry, ironing and scrubbing a shower. There is no equivalent in the “Men’s” section of the website. I thought these kind of sexist stereotypes went out of style last century!