party

Anonymous

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It was new year’s eve 2019-20. It was the first time my parents didn’t host the neighbourhood party so I was in a house I was not very comfortable in. Me and my friends, who are both older than me at 17 and 18 while I’m 14 were dancing in the living room with our parents having the time of our lives. There were some of our parents friends there and one of them was a middle aged man. He (and his husband) both came to the party as distant friends of a friend, so we didn’t know him well. He started talking to us admiring our music taste. At first I thought this wasn’t weird but as the night went on and he continued to talk to us he made odd comments about STDs and made me very uncomfortable. He got very close to my friends and me while dancing and we were so uncomfortable we wanted to leave. At first we told my dad and he said ‘He’s drunk don’t worry about it’ and so we went to the shed (where the ‘kids’ were hanging out) and continued to discuss it. We decided it was unfair for us to have to leave after having fun because he was being inappropriate. We then told my friends mum and she was outraged and forced him to leave. I think it’s outrageous that both me and my father thought his behaviour was acceptable because he was drunk and that I thought it was my responsibility to leave a toxic situation. This kind of behaviour is outrageous and being intoxicated is no excuse.

Anonymous

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Last year I was at a party taking care of a male classmate who was very drunk. I knew I couldn’t leave him alone because he had almost fallen out of a treehouse and into a fire pit earlier. I asked another classmate if he could grab me some food/water from a table, and immediately he looked down at his crotch and said, “I have something down here if you’re hungry.” and he and his friend just kept laughing. I didn’t tell anyone about it for months because I felt ashamed. The only funny thing about this story is my awesome friend who suggested that if he said something like that again, I could make a comment about baby carrots.

O

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About this time last year, I was catcalled on a train when I was with my friend. I blamed myself because of the dress I was wearing,and I have only worn it for the first time (after that) last week. Another time when I was harassed at a party by a classmate, I thought that maybe I had done something wrong because I was wearing a crop top and shorts. I consider myself to be a feminist, but even I have to re-affirm to myself that I didn’t deserve harassment for what I was wearing.

Rachel

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I had a friend of a friend start rubbing up against me whilst I was asleep at a party. I woke up and moved to another part of the house and wasn’t followed thankfully, but my friend didn’t believe me… they said he was just lonely. I thought it meant I had cheated on my boyfriend because I felt I was in the wrong.

N

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When I was 15 I was at a party and one large, tall guy my age was staring at me most of the night and making me feel uncomfortable but I didn’t really think anything of it. When most people were leaving, the guy who had been staring at me and who I had never met or spoken to before hugged me from behind, put his arms over my shoulders and started squeezing my boobs. I completely froze and was upset that even as lots of people saw, no one said anything or told him not to

Am

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I was at a party in October. A guy who knows I do not like him as I have actively argued against his views many times decides to join my conversation and stand next to me. Nothing wrong with that. He then puts his arm around my shoulder and I already start to feel uncomfortable due to who it was. He then proceeded to lower his hand down to my bum and proceeded to grab my bum. The conversation was a group one and one of my best male friends was in it, opposite me. I mouthed to him telling him that this guy was grabbing my bum. He mouthed at me to leave and I couldn’t because I thought it was too awkward. I was hoping he would help me and he didn’t. I ended up running outside of the party and started crying. I was hoping someone, anyone would come and check if I was okay, especially the friend I spoke to, but no one did. I thought I was just overreacting and that it was nothing. But I felt so alone at that time. I was 16 years old.

Bethan

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I was at my old babysitter’s 60th and as I was walking through a crowded bit of the room, a 50ish-year-old man grabbed me from behind and his hands moved up to my boobs. I wriggled out and got my mum to take me home. It was a couple of months ago, I’m 17. I still don’t know how to feel about it. My mum told me not to worry as it was nothing to do with me, he was just a creepy old guy. I kind of feel like I’m lucky, I got to 17 and I was able to leave quickly but how entitled must he have been to have no respect for me at all?

Jane

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I was at an after show party with a group of my theatre friends, most of them much older than me (I had just turned 18 and some of them were in their thirties) I got very drunk and towards the end of the night one of the older men there started to touch me and stroke me up and down in inappropriate places. It really shocked me because I thought he was a really nice guy and would never do something like that, kind of made me lose trust in people because to me it now felt like everyone could be like that.

It’s not your fault

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I was at a college party and got really drunk , past the point where I was making decisions I would make sober. There was a guy there that I was friends with that had always thought I was attractive but I don’t think he’s attractive. I remember telling him that even though I wasn’t officially seeing one of his friends anymore we still were trying to do things not to hurt each other so I wouldn’t be kissing anyone from his fraternity. I remember saying this. I remember him kissing me and me lightly pushing him away. I found out the next day that my friends had seen this happen and been really concerned for me because right after the kids apparently I fell over and was stumbling around. I don’t remember that part well. The next day I felt really weird and was questioning if I was allowed to feel that way. The guy who I used to date acted completely horrible to me afterwards. Telling me how I had betrayed him by getting with his friend. That I was a piece of shit and a terrible person. That I was a drunk with no self control, and how it was all my fault. It was only after he visibly saw me freak out in this presence of this guy a couple times that he started questioning whether I was actually more the victim in this situation (I AM BTW). The guy actually messaged me the next day apologizing if he had done anything to make me feel uncomfortable. I told him (rather bravely I think, because I could have easily just said “no all good” ) that actually yeah I felt really uncomfortable and i wasn’t in a state to give consent and I wasn’t happy with what he had done. But that I accepted his apology and his immediate acknowledgement of what happened rather than a denial meant so much to me. He apologized the next 3 times he saw me and his persistence was enough for me. I wholeheartedly forgive him. I don’t forgive my ex for blaming me for being sexually assaulted. He will never see the situation differently and I will never forget his reaction

anonymous

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i was 15 and getting with a boy at the time and one time at a party i got very drunk. He came to sleep in my tent with my friends and sister as he didn’t have one to sleep in. It was the early hours of the morning but he kept trying to touch me and get me to touch him whilst we where in the tent.I told him no but he kept trying and it bot to the point where i was shaking trying to pull his hand away.He eventually stopped but i cant stop thinking about how he knew i was really drunk but he still took advantage of me