Tag Archives: Public space

Anon

I was walking down the street and I got cat called for the first time. This guy then stared at me put the window as he drove away. It felt awful. I wanted to cry but couldn’t because I was in public. I felt so belittled and honestly disgusting. What I’m wearing shouldn’t matter but I was completely covered- a long baggy tshirt and Jean’s in really warm weather. The fact that so many people have to deal with this problem and are just expected to brush it off is horrible.

Alex

I was walking down the street on my first girls holiday in Greece. It was the middle of the day and there weren’t many people around. I was with my friends and were walking back from the beach. A group of lads were walking behind us and were being quite loud. As one of them passed me, he slapped me really hard on the bum then ran away with his mates laughing. I was so shocked because I didn’t see him coming. He was gone before I had chance to say anything.

Alex

I was snogging a guy at uni in our student union nightclub when he started to become quite aggressive. He started biting and grabbing me and wouldn’t respond after I tried to push him off. I felt really uncomfortable and wanted to get away so I reached for my friend and asked her to come to the toilet with me. I told him I was going to go to the toilet and he grabbed me and said ‘No, because you won’t come back.’ I was scared so I assured him I would, I relented and gave him my number so he’d let me leave. Once in the safety of the girls toilet, I told my friends what had happened and that I wanted to leave to get away from him. My friend went out to see if there was any security we could report him to and he was waiting outside the toilet. He recognised my friend, grabbed her by the shoulders and said ‘Where is she?’ My friend ran back into the toilet and we hid for a while hoping he’d get bored and go away. We eventually decided to make a break for it and managed to run past him with my friends on either side of me. When he caught us my friend told him, I was too drunk and had been sick so they were taking me home. This obviously wasn’t true but it was enough to make him leave us alone. We left the club as we were too scared to continue the night. He rang me repeatedly on my way home so I blocked his number. I saw him another time at the cash point on the way to uni. I crossed the road so he wouldn’t see me.

MeganS30

On my run down a narrow canal path a man blocked my way multiple times. I moved left and he moved left. I moved right and he moved right. Then he laughed at me, pleased to have intimidated me I guess.

Mazz

A while ago, I was in one of my first ‘serious’ relationships. This was fine, and me and the guy broke up normally and healthily. When I went round to his house the next time, I was told that the words ‘I love you’ meant nothing to him. Naturally, my anxiety told me this meant he’d never believed I loved him and it hurt. I pretended I was alright until I left, and started crying on the street. As I was walking towards my house, two boys from a younger year were on the other side of the road. I made brief eye contact with them and gave them a teary but friendly smile. They took this as invitation to shout for everyone to hear, “(dead name), get your boobs out! Come on!” I still don’t understand why.

NJ

When I was the only girl in my class doing geology as a subject, and I was told I couldn’t go on the annual field trip because they would have to find a female teacher to go too, and they clearly didn’t want to spoil their men’s/boy’s club. Recording studios offering paid masterclasses in music production to get more women interested in studying music, yet not actually offering positions to trained women. WhY ArE OnLy 2% WomEn iN MuSic ProDucTiOn? Well, duh. Being harrassed in videogames when you have to use a mic on MMO-RPGs and reveal you’re a girl. Girls are not that rare, we just learned not to have a voice the hard way. Makeup is considered opt-out, not opt-in. Not to mention mainstream media wants you to hate how you naturally look to sell more products. You’re no less a woman if you opt out of makeup products, or have more body hair, or have a few more curves. Being told on social media by several men that your actual real-life experiences of sexism are not representative of the many and you’re simply being hysterical. Looking at you, reddit.

cat calling

im 15, the first time someone cat called me was when i was 13. 13 YEARS OLD. by 40 year old men, why would grown ass men see a 13 year old like that. ive been called a hoe just because i wore a crop top or a skirt. even though its small it made me realise at sush at young age what men act like which makes me scared of them, if they can just cat whistle a 13 year old with no one actually careing then why would someone care if they did something more serious. and is anyone doing something about it. no its like no one cares what women go though at a day to day basis.

Ella

I’m only a high-schooler and am lucky enough to have faced very little sexism that’s targeted at me, but there was an incident when I was in the eighth grade. An adult male neighbor of mine(either very drunk or on his way to getting very drunk) started making jokes about me having sex with his son. His son is a year younger than me, and we barely interact. As far as I know, there was no reason for him to think that I, a thirteen-year-old, was having sex with his son, a twelve-year-old I barely know. He then went on to say he was just kidding, because we “have the me-too movement now.” His tone was hardly complimentary of the me-too movement. I didn’t actually realize that this was in any way insulting until I told my family about the incident, I just assumed that he was being stupid and my discomfort was irrational.

M

Around the time I had just turned 21, a group of friends(along with their friends that I wasn’t very familiar with) and I went out to the bars. When we came home we continued to hangout and drink. I was sitting on the couch next to one of my friends friends who was engaged. I didn’t know him very well but we had met a couple times before and he seemed nice. As everybody around us slowly went to sleep, we stayed up talking about random things. After about 30 minutes of just us talking, I said I was tired. He begged me to stay up and started to touch my feet/rub my legs. I pulled away and told him to stop because A. I had a boyfriend and wasn’t interested and B. He was engaged. He proceeded to grope me, reaching for my vagina and touching me multiple times as I struggled to get away from his arms that were pinning my legs down. I was supposed to be sleeping on the couch and he was supposed to be walking home because he lived down the street. I told him I was going to sleep and asked him to leave, he said he would and that he needed to use the bathroom. He was in the bathroom for awhile and I decided I didn’t feel comfortable sleeping on the couch by myself because of what happened so I was going to ask one of my girl friends if I could sleep with her for the night. I walked past the bathroom and the lights were off and the door was open so I was confused because I had never seen him leave the house. As I went to turn the bathroom light on and see what was going on, he grabbed me from behind and pulled me into one of the empty/vacant rooms that was directly across from the bathroom. It scared me so badly I couldn’t even muster out a scream, I just froze in terror, I couldn’t even find my voice. He moved his hand over my mouth and held my body against his with the other arm while shutting the door. At this point I was very drunk and very scared, in that moment I never felt more weak and helpless. He kept telling me “I can tell you want it by the way you were looking at me” “You were asking for it” over and over again. I felt his boner on my thigh the whole time. When he let his grip of my body go I stumbled forward and turned toward the door that was shut, but he was blocking it, all I could say was “Please” implying to please let me go. But that’s all that came out. In response, he said “My pleasure” as if I was begging him to do something sexually to me. He pulled his pants down and revealed himself as he grabbed my head and forced it down toward his penis. I mumbled “No, no, no, no” and struggled to push myself away from him but his grip was so strong, and the more he kept forcing my neck down the more I lost my balance and strength. I fell to my knees and he shoved his penis multiple times in my face but I refused to open my mouth. He then pushed me over onto my back on the floor and laid his body on top of me so I couldn’t move. He had one hand pinning my left arm and the other hand kept attempting to remove my pants all while shoving his penis into my crotch. I finally started yelling and he got scared somebody would come in and he got off of me and told me to stop. He told me to “Shut my pretty little mouth”. I stumbled for the door, this time he let me leave all the while saying things like “I know you still want it, I’ll be here when you’re ready”. I was able to get out and get to one of my very close guy friends sleeping on one of the other couches in the living room. I woke him up and told him what happened since it was his friend that did this to me and I thought he would be able to handle it and make the guy leave my friends house. He seemed like he was already awake as he sat up and said “Yeah I heard you guys, you know he’s engaged right?” implying that I helped him cheat. In disbelief I tried to help him understand that I tried to stop it from happening and it was not something I wanted. He finally understood the situation and kicked the guy out. In those first initial moments, my friend failed me. I’m 24 now. I’ve let this effect me negatively ever since. I always regretted things, and wondered why they happened to me. I questioned what I was wearing, and the way that I “looked” at him and even started to blame myself at times. I thought I wasn’t stern enough from the moment it started and he took it as me “playing hard to get”. Maybe my words weren’t serious enough, maybe I wasn’t loud enough when I said no, maybe my actions were giving him mixed signals somehow, maybe I didn’t remember the night correctly the next day. But no. The truth is, he wanted what he wanted and I was his victim. I did everything the way I should have, and I saved myself from something that could have been worse. I’m strong. You are all strong, whether the experience is big or small. Don’t question yourself or your self worth. You are more.

Nishi

There have been so many instances that I can’t even count them all. Since I was a child, whenever there are guests over at my parents place the women are inside cooking and the men are outside drinking alcohol. Since I was a child I was told by everyone to help my mother in the kitchen but that wasn’t told to my brother. Till date people including family tell me that I’m going to be hard for any guy to handle due to me being too “loud, opinionated and bossy”. I’m sure if I was a guy they’d say I was an “alpha male”. I’ve been told numerous times that if I don’t learn to cook what will I feed my husband. That with my behaviour my “in laws” will send me back home. When going put my brother and all guys I know are told to have fun but me and all the girls I know are told to be careful. I’m told that if I’m going out and someone follows me or harasses me or even gropes me I shouldnt fight back to hit them I should leave the place or scream fire. Because apparently fire is a bigger issue for people than a girl getting raped. The amount of times men have mansplained things to me and told me that I shouldn’t lift weight because girls don’t look good with muscles and that they should be “slim thic”. The amount of times I’ve been catcalled is unbelieveable. And the people that told me that I shouldn’t “overreact” when I’m cat called because its normal is even worse. I was first cat called and groped at the age of 6. The amount of times people have told me that I was cat called and groped because of my outfit and behaviour is too many to count. This so called behaviour is me laughing amd hugging guys. My parents say that I shouldn’t go out with guys alone to dark places such as the theater because men are apparently “dogs” and only want one thing from a girl and would take advantage of a girl at any moment. But these men dosent include my brother since”they raised him well”. I’m sure they did. He blatantly checks out and rates girls on the street. He takes screenshots of girls nudes and sends it on his freind group and saves it. He hooks up with random girls and then Dosent text them ever again. He slut shames girls but still hooks up with them but ya I’m sure my parents raised him well. I’ve had boys and men even family tell me that I would be more popular if I behaved like most girls do. My brother said and I quote “you’re not like how girls are supposed to be. So you’re unpopular. Girls are interested in fashion and make up. Girls dont scream like you do. And you overthink and make a big deal out of nothing.” This nothing might i add is sexism and racism. And there’s been so many creepy men staring and following me in public places. Then saying that I was asking for it. And the most used “compliments and phrases” teen girls my age get in my city are “thicc” “thot” “hot” “sexy” “send nudes” “naughty or nice” “lace or thong” and these are the least disrespectful ones. And when a girl declines these or calls them out apparently the girl was leading them on or is being a prude. If I have sexual relations I’m a slut but if I dont I’m a prude. If I drink I’m asking for it but if i dont I’m uptight. If I say yes then I’m easy but if I say no then I’m ugly anyways. And the worst part is that girls dont even recognize that this is sexist and not okay. They think its noraml and force themselves to drink and smoke and hook up and flirt and send nudes. Whether they want to or not because its what’s “in”. And god forbid I use the f word. Not F*ck but Feminist!!! I’ve had guys say that feminists are crazy because they demand more rights for women than men. I showed these people the online definition and yet they say that this definition is wrong and feminists are sexist. And when I’m brave they say I have balls. No! I don’t have balls! I have a vagina and I’m proud of it! I’m a feminist and I’m proud of it! I don’t need people that tell me that I should be more feminine to be likeable! I’m trained in 6 forms of martial arts and I lift weight yet my cousins and brothers who haven’t fought or gone to the gym a day in their life can apparently “beat me in a fight” just because I’m a girl. If I beat a guy in a fight then they were going easy on my anyways. In a room full of men I’m terrified. I know I can defend myself but what if they overpower me or the cops catch me for assaulting them when it was just self defense. I’m not drop dead gorgeous. I don’t have blond hair or blue eyes or that innocent girl look. I am naturally tan and I have black hair and black eyes and glasses. I have clear skin and I’m pretty short. Just 5’4 but i am lean not thin. Most people find my body attractive and when I’m cat called or groped its blamed on my body and my outfit. My outfit is usually slin Jeans and a tank top or sweat pants and a sweat shirt. I went for a concert and a guy asked for my snap to look cool in front of his friends in a very rude way. So I told him to F*ck off and showed him the finger. And he and his friends followed me for 20 minutes hoping I would get intimated so I simply went there slapped him for harassing me repeatedly and told him to get lost. People had the audacity to say that it was my fault for wearing a crop top to a crowded 40 degrees Celsius concert. And I’ve always been told that what kind of a girl can’t cook, what kind of a girl trains martial arts and lifts weight, what kind of a girl dosent wear make up everyday of her life, what kind of a girl dosent like wearing dresses all the time, what kind of a girl hits the person that harasses them for self defense, what kind of a girl is so picky with guys, what kind of a girl dosent show her insecurities on her sleeve, what kind of a girl eats all the junk food in the world. I’m told that I should learn to cook and clean not because it’s a life skill but because in the future if i get married. It dosent matter if me and the guy that I would marry both work. I’m the one that has to know how to cook and clean. Im told that I should learn to compromise because its always the women who have to compromise because that’s just how the world works. I should wear make up because girls look prettier with make up. I should not argue with people and or say my opinion. If a guy has that same opinion its valid and considered but not for me. I have been told to laugh at rape jokes when I called the person out on it. I’ve been sent to the year head for being “disrespectful” to a fellow class mate. My disrespectful behaviour was calling him out on his sexism and gender stereotypes. I’ve been told that even though I can lift a 100kgs or even more a guy is still stronger because he’s a guy.