Public Transport

Kate

|

Since reading your book ‘FIX THE SYSTEM, NOT THE WOMEN’ I started thinking about my ‘list’. I have always had inappropriate comments as a female engineer, however I started thinking all the times before being in the workplace and there are a few stand out moments – 1. At the age of 13 I was travelling by coach on a school skiing trip in Europe, asleep on the coach I was awakened by the boy sat next to me having unzipped my trousers and with his hands in my knickers – I had always been disgusted by this but I was in pure shock and didn’t know what to do, I haven’t ever told anyone. Until I began reading your book I hadn’t framed this as sexual assault but I imagine it actually is? 2. On the same skiing trip the same boy pulled down my swimming costume in a swimming pool surrounded by a group of pupils, I was mortified. 3. During my college years I was on a night out and was spiked and ended up in the back of an ambulance. 4. At university as the only girl on my course all the other students had a bet to see who could ‘shag me’, I didn’t find out until the final year, thankfully I hadn’t been attracted to any of them as I would have been horrified to learn the person was only with me for a bet. 5. I also used to have inappropriate comments from lecturers – one in particular used to say ‘where’s the pretty one today’, amongst other things. During a tensile testing lab session a piece of material shattered and one of the male students screamed, my lecturer said to me – ‘Kate we need to have a code, when you scream I don’t know if you’re pleasuring yourself or you’re scared’. I never went to any of his classes after that, I’d rather sacrifice my education than put up with the comments. 6. In previous engineering companies I have had ‘your arse looks great in that dress’, ‘we’ve all been to the pub and we all think you’re f*cking him’, ‘your boobs look really good today’, in my previous employment a group of male engineers had rated all the women in the office on their appearance/attractiveness and didn’t use our names, I was referred to as ‘Number 2’ for the length of my employment. 7. I’ve also had Uber drivers pull the car over, push their seat back and start touching my legs.

a

|

I was on a solo hiking trip which I had to abandon when I hurt myself. I started chatting to this man at the bus stop and when the bus came he sat next to me. He put his hand on my leg and didn’t take it off when I asked. I was injured and tired and there was no other bus that day, so his hand was on my leg for the next two hours. I can’t remember ever feeling more powerless.

Anon

|

Throughout Primary School, Secondary School and College; most boys and young men would not get my attention by politely saying “please excuse me”, “good morning” or “good afternoon”. Instead these males would prod and poke me when I was reading a book or studying. They would yell “Oi!” grabbing my shoulders or poking me in the ribs. This made me jump when I was a little girl and these boys thought it was so funny to scare me and other females. These males would laugh with their friends while yelling in my ear: “Oi wakey wakey sweetheart! Stop ignoring me.” It became a sort of a horrid game where the boys and young men would dare each other to grab at and poke girls reading books or girls just trying to go about their business. These boys and young men would rarely say “Hello” to me but instead would shove me, pinch me, grab me, surprise bear hug me from behind or give me a firm poke. Those boys would say tactless things while invading my personal space and prodding me such as: “Stop reading that boring book darling.” When there was a girl wearing earbuds listening to music in class, sometimes the males would try to remove her earbuds without asking, shout rude words in her ear about her “cup size” and give her a shove. Sometimes when the boys and young men got really impatient at being “ignored” they’d call the girls and young women “skank”, “cunt”, “slag”, “bitch”, “slapper”, “slut” or “cow”. The boys would frequently comment on women’s and girls’ bodies throughout the school day. The boys would talk very loudly about which females were “well fit” or “fat slags”. I regret not reporting these incidences but there never seemed to be time given the intensive academic workload nor was there a designated person to talk to or message anonymously about these embarrassing and worrying incidents. Many of the teachers seemed overwhelmed by the boys and young men’s rude behaviours and were unsure how to stop these. Teachers referring the boys as “gentlemen” and trying to educate these young men about “personal and social relationships” didn’t do any good at all. The males’ poking, grabbing and verbal denigration of females continued. This was why I found it hard have polite and sensitive conversations with boys and young men. Their thoughtless behaviour made me feel sad and I mourn for the deep friendly social connections and thoughtful respectful conversations I never had the opportunity to have with them.

Fiona

|

How many words do I have? I’m approaching 60, so there’s a fair bit in there, at least, until I became invisible… maybe a benefit of menopause after all. From being propositioned, age 15, by a famous musician in his dressing room (I didn’t reach 4’10” at my tallest, nor did I wear make up, or make any effort to look older, so I don’t think there was any doubt I was underage), to the daily battle of being ‘frigid’ within a 20-year relationship, with a truly kind man (pre-#metoo; perhaps if we’d survived long enough, that may have helped me to explain in a way that would’ve left me feeling that I had a right to say no?). Having just heard about this site, an hour or so before International Women’s Day 2024, I read a little about sexual assault on public transport, which led me to two of my own memories; each of which has an extra part to it, that compounds the initial ‘assault’. In the first, I was in my late teens, on a train, and the man opposite me, I’d guess in his 40s or 50s, decided to wank all the way from London to Birmingham. Being young, and naive, I believed that the best way to manage the situation, was to completely ignore him. To read my book, look out of the window, anything but show any sign whatsoever that I had noticed him, much less understood what he was doing. On my return home, I told my brother what had happened, and was told in return that I was clearly enjoying it; I must have been, or I would’ve got up and moved. My protests and arguments that I believed I was doing the opposite of what he wanted; that I was not showing any fear, or anything at all, not even acknowledging his presence, were belittled and laughed at. For years afterwards, I kept asking myself, was this true? Was there some hidden part of me that wanted to encourage this man to masturbate in front of me? The second event took place a couple of years later, in my early 20s, interrailing in Europe. The train was going from Brindisi to northern Italy. It was one of those old-style trains like the one in the Harry Potter film, with carriages made up of compartments, and finding an empty one, I managed – standing on a seat – to get my rucksack into an overhead rack, and sat down to enjoy the journey. Shortly after the train left, a man came in, and with 7 vacant seats, he sat right next to me, between me and the door. Within moments, his hand was on my knee. I lifted it and removed it. He put it back and I decided it was time to leave. I got up to retrieve my bag from the rack opposite, and he came up behind me, grabbing both of my breasts. Luckily, I was able to reach the bag; I think a strap must have been hanging down, and grabbing it, and using the gravity in my favour, I was able to swing it down onto him, pushing him back into the seat, at which point, I held the bag firmly, and kicked one (or maybe both?) of his shins, maybe 10 or 12 times, as hard as I could manage before leaving the compartment in search of one more favourably multi-occupied. For many years, I would, on occasion, tell this story with a certain pride in my swiftly enacted, and effectively aggressive and defensive actions (remember, I’m not and never was Amazonian in stature). And I always ended it with the same sentence… it was only a couple of years ago, that a friend pointed out to me how shocking – and wrong – that final sentence was; ‘it was my own fault for being in an empty carriage’. I had spent over 30 years, blaming myself, certain in my conviction that I should bear responsibility for what had happened, because I had dared to think, at the tender age of 21, and a few inches short of 5’ tall, that I should be allowed sit, alone, un-harassed in an unoccupied compartment of an Italian train carriage. And in all those years, I had never recognised that despite kicking his shins, I was still colluding with that man’s appalling and vile belief that he had a right violate my body. And nor had anyone else I’d ever told that story to.

Laura

|

I was sitting on a fairly empty tube. A man stood directly in front of me placing his crotch extremely close to my face. There were seats around and plenty of other places to stand but he chose to go there. I froze in panic then looked around, people were looking at me apologetically but nobody said anything. He leaned closer right before the tube doors opened so his crotch touched my nose and then ran off the train. Can’t really believe it was real.

anonymous

|

i had this ex boyfriend who would always ask to hang out. it was never day time and he would ask me to sneak out of my house to see him. i was scared but ended up doing it. i looked at him in the eyes and told him i did not want to lose my virginity because i was 15 and i didn’t completely understand the whole sex thing. he said he understood but i’m not sure if he did because he did it anyways. once i realized that that is what he did i kinda tried to stay away from him. but turns out i was a teenage girl seeking male validation so i stayed with him. He did multiple things along those lines and ended up cheating on me with his ex gf(she cheated on him multiple times and he would use her as an excuse for the way he acted.) so hooray.

Katie Louise

|

I was taking the train from work. This man started moving closer to me and making inappropriate gestures, I was a bit freaked out so I moved carriages. When I got off the train, I saw him getting off too with.a bunch of lads. I was worried so I kept my head down. They kept following me and wolf whistling. I kept walking and they kept following me.

Anon, 13 yrs, female

|

I know that this isn’t as bad as some of the stuff on here, but I had to say it. So when we play basketball and netball in school none of the boys ever pass to the girls, even though some girls literally do netball and basketball out of school and are much better than the boys. One boy was boasting that the boys in are year could beat all the girls in our year at every sport which is so wrong and untrue. And also today I was at the busstop and this this french tourist couple asked me for directions and then another guy came and asked me for directions too but he was really old and creepy and this random lady just looked at me kindly and gave me a thumbs up behind his back, like to ask if I was ok. I liked that and I thought it was thoughtful but, she shouldn’t even have to ask I should be safe at a busstop. I’ve got a friend who was in the bus and a creepy man started taking pictures of her and she got so scared she had to get off like 5 stops early. In PSHE, our teacher asked everyone to put their hands up if they thought sexism existed. Only the girls put their hands up and all the boys were really confused. After that lesson, this one boy said that our teacher was crazy and that sexism doesn’t exist and I called him out on it and called him misogynistic and he looked at me like I was crazy. I’ve read almost all of Laura Bate’s books and now I see sexist things that I thought were normal. Like, when I go to Greece on holiday, lots of drivers honk their horns at me, and when I was walking with my friends this one guy looked us all up and down and catcalled.

Samara

|

On the way home during rush hour a man pushed me against the train doors. Initially I thought it was just an cramped train but then he started running his hands up and down, around my boobs. I was 14 at the time. It felt like no one saw, or if they did, no one did anything to stop this grown adult invading my privacy and groping me without consent. He felt entitlement to my body and I felt like I had lost all autonomy to it at the same time.

Anonamous

|

I am 13 years old and at only 10 years old I was sat on the school bus when an older boy threatened to rape me. I was sat next to him and couldn’t move away, that journey was the most horrific thing I have ever been through. But the worst part was nothing happened, it was reported and no one got any consequences