I’ve had my fair share of sexual harassment but lately I’m in a situation I don’t know what to do about… So short side note first, I live in a flat that is connected to another one though we are 2 separated flats (it’s difficult to explain). I’ve lived there for 2.5 years now and one of the tenants living in the adjacent flat as been kind of stalking me since I moved in. It started with inappropriate messages (let’s go swimming together/how about we have a drink in my room tonight) and escalated to an kiss I did not consent to. I have been ignoring him since the beginning but he just doesn’t stop (even for the short period of time he had a girlfriend!). Last Saturday I was invited to a birthday party of his flatmate (we get along really well and he’s a genuinely nice person), and while there I kissed another guy. Afterwards my stalker interrogated my flatmate if that was normal behaviour for me (specifically going out to meet guys to sleep with), started mopping around and at the end insulted me before hugging me (again against my consent) telling me he didn’t mean it. I told him that he definitely meant it and if he still feels bad about it when sober to come over and apologise. Which I’ve been waiting for since. As a student in a city with high rental prices I can’t afford another place. And since he knows where to draw the line (we are both law students) or only acts inappropriately when inebriated (try proving intent) there is nothing I can do since (according to the law and the police) he didn’t overstep any law. I’m just happy my flatmate and friends understand and help me to avoid situations where we are alone. It just annoys me that there is nothing I can do and I’m scared of telling him no outright cause he might sneak in at night/when I’m home alone (I can’t stay locked in my room the whole day).
I have been sexually assaulted 4 times during a psychotic episode and have formerly worked as a sex worker. Despite these occurrences, a recent sexual harassment stood out to me the most. I visit the city regularly and it was quiet at the time due to COVID-19. I ran into a man, name unknown, who had hit on me once in early 2019. Of course, when he saw me, he started a conversation and, of course, I obliged. I saw him AGAIN two days later, he again hit on me, and I again obliged, having a brief chat with him. I then saw him AGAIN, only about 2 days later. I was on a bus and he got on. He started trying to talk to me again but I ignored him. The bus slowly emptied out and eventually it was just me and him on the bus. He then came over to me, sat next to me, put his arm around me and started calling me “baby.” He then started touching my leg and at that point I got up and moved. Luckily, he stopped. I’ve only seen him once since, but now every time I go into the city I fear he will be there.
Firstly, I think it’s so wonderful that this project exists. Thank you. Secondly, I can not possibly remember the countless times I have been sexually harrassed in my life, but I tried to tick all locations that I remembered something like this happening. I just wanted to share my newest approach in dealing with sexist men: Whenever a guy tries to objectify me by staring at me with an open mouth, cat calling me etc., I simply try to emit the same disgusting, masculine, and aggressive energy that they do. I do that by asking them things like “You want me to finger you pink tight asshole?”, making a jerking-off motion or grabbing my own tits. I feel like this in their minds lifts me up from being a passive woman to another “alpha” they have to compete with. I also like to think that it’s nice to show them that we are sexual beings too and can be a 100% in charge of our sexuality (femininity≠submissiveness). Plus it’s super fun seeing their idiotic faces switching from horny to absolutely disgusted in a split second. I love you all, stay strong and own your bodies <3
I was in a taxi with my 3 “friends”, all female. Taxis in my place are shared and usually 4 people are cramped together in the backseat. So me, my friends and 1 semi drunk guy were cramped on the backseat and the guy was next to me. Somewhere along the road, I felt his hand on my thigh and I immediately shouted -“Keep your hands to yourself”. I can stand up for myself. That’s not the issue. The issue was when I turned back towards my friends, they all almost snickered and had that expressions on their faces which said -“oh! How embarassing for you” or something like “Dont make a fuss and ruin our evening and make us stand up for you”. Let me tell you that hurt. I expected support?solidarity? But all I got was the feeling that I had inconvenienced them by standing up for myself. P.S. The guy did say sorry after getting down.
When I was on my first year of uni I was returning home every 2 weeks for weekends. We used private transporting company for going home and back. There was an option of choosing the seat before when you order a ticket. I’ve accidentally choosen the back seat by the window. I wanted to sit alone, but discovered that I will sit with some guy. When he saw me putting my stuff on the seat he smiled and I thought it’s going to be okay. For the 3,5 hours of the road he was practically laying on me. I must say, he wasn’t sleeping. I tried to move closer to the window, to give myslf some space and then discovered that I was practically cramped into the window. I thought that maybe the person sitting beside him is taking a lot of space, but when I looked there I saw almost 30 cm of free space that was not occupied. That was a great trip. (no)
It was already dark when I decided to buy some supplies at a mall. I just got home from school so I settled with my loose blouse and shorts. I was on my way back home when a fellow passenger, an old lady who looked like she belonged to a religious cult, gave me a piece of paper. I can’t read it properly with all the bouncing, though I saw a word “God” on it. I thought it was a prayer so I thanked her and she got out the next stop. Finally, I’m home and felt the urge to read it. It was only then did I realize that I was judged base on my clothes. That I tempted some young men and disrespected the “temple of God” by wearing something “improper”. There are much more sexist things that happened to me like groping and ass-spanking but nothing is much more enraging than a fellow woman protecting some pervert from my indecent-temple-of-God body.
FB Post Those of you who follow my posts would know that they are fairly happy. Not today. Today I’m having a rant. I feel astonished at how people assume I have no identity or ability of my own. Never mind that I have a law degree from Cambridge, am a triple qualified lawyer as a barrister at Middle Temple Inn, an advocate & solicitor in Singapore and Malaysia, a masters in shipping law from Southampton University, and numerous papers as well as co-authoring a book on ship finance law in Singapore and Malaysia (the more boring it is, the more intellectual 😁). None of this appears on my forehead naturally. What does appear on my forehead apparently is ‘I am with him ➡️’. To my guy friends, when we are next out-and-about getting something done, please remind me to wear my ‘I am NOT with him ➡️’ t-shirt. Even though I am with you. I mean, getting coffee or stuff. I mean, … Forget it 😅 This is not a showing-off post. This is a post to show experiences of societal perceptions of single women. If any of you think to report me to the tax authorities, as I’ve already told an fb ‘friend’ who said I’ll be audited by the ‘new government’ for undeclared income, I’ve already been audited by the ‘previous government’, and I have no undeclared income 😁 True to my K-drama lockdown obsession, and as a nod to my English drama past, my rant is in the form of a script. Here it is: I AM NOT WITH HIM Act 1 Scene 1 Me: (entering yacht club to book yacht for party) Yacht guy: (talking to a group of guys about some yachts) Me: (waiting for my turn) Yacht guy: (talking some more to group of guys about other yachts) Me: (still waiting) Yacht guy: (talking even more to same group of guys about further yachts) Me: Excuse me, do you have a brochure or something about yacht hire rates? Yacht guy: Oh I thought you were with them! Me: No I am not with them. Act 1 Scene 2 Me: (entering Sentosa Cove building management office) Office lady: Are you with him? (Pointing to Caucasion guy on the other side of the room) Me: No. I am not with him. Act 1 Scene 3 Me: (entering used Porsche shop) Sales guys: (talking to other guy customers) Me: (browsing the used Porsche cars) Sales guys: (talking to some more guy customers) Me: Excuse me, does this 718 Cayman include a sports exhaust? Sales guy: Oh I thought you were with him! (Pointing to guy customer sitting with his wife and kids). Me: No. I am not with him. Sales guy: To drive this car you must place your hands on the steering wheel 10:10 and use the clutch pedal simultaneously with the brake pedal and accelerator. Me: I know that. Sales guy: You must earn at least $12,500 a month. Me: Oh ok. (Slowly dawns on me that 1. He thinks I can’t afford it 2. I can afford a brand new one) Where’s the brand new Porsche showroom? Act 2 Scene 1 Me: (entering brand new Porsche showroom) Sales guy: Madame, how may I help you? Me: I’m interested in your 718 Cayman. Sales guy: Please follow me. (I’m taken to a room, am given excellent service, plied with food, none of which is halal though 😅 It’s the same price as a one-yr-old car. Good call.) Me: (I do not buy because I don’t like how it drives, my daughter gripes ‘It’s flexing mummy!’, and in this pandemic that cash is better put to use helping others.)(I might still buy though. Just out of ego.) Act 2 Scene 2 Me: (buying a horse) This is a totally different episode. With a whole host of other issues. Like all good K-dramas there are 16 episodes. But I won’t bore you with the rest. Thanks for listening ✌🏼
When I was 16 I went solo backpacking in South America and was so scared and lonely – it was a few days after leaving the UK and I’d never done anything like this before. I needed to get a 24 hour coach and so found a comfy seat and sat down but soon after a man in his 50s or 60s sat next to me and put his hand on my leg. There wasn’t really much room for manoeuvre and I didn’t want to embarrass him in the off-chance that he didn’t realise what he was doing. For the whole journey I would try to position my blanket in between us but I would look down soon after and he’s wiggled his disgusting hand onto or underneath my legs.
Sometimes when I think of sexism, I think of the big obvious things that have happened; my driving instructor (who I didn’t know and who thought I was a minor) describing a graphic wet dream about me and telling me all the things he would “do to me” if he had known me when he was younger, a man following me home when I was 16, a 40 year old coworker asking me when the last time I “had my p**** sucked” as soon as I was 18, my best friend being raped and the police not even trying to investigate, a guy I had never met following me around campus and grabbing my face, and then threatening to bring a gun and “blow his brains out” because I told him not to touch me. I also think of sexism that is less obvious to some; ads about women and girls being portrayed as sexual toys non stop, men feeling entitled to make comments on your body, the constant fear you experience walking by yourself, especially at night or in a parking lot… And then I think about the sexism no one even notices, like the way we tell boys “don’t do xy and z, that’s for girls” or the fact that we refer to humans as “man” kind, or automatically say “he” when we don’t know the gender of a person. I am so happy to have married a man who isn’t afraid to correct other men about their sexism, who isn’t afraid to embrace his traits that are traditionally feminine, and who isn’t scared to talk about the suffering that women endure. It seems too many men are quiet in the face of sexism, or make arguments to down play it, such as “Men are raped too” or “One time I was scared when I was walking home”. Interesting how they only seem to care about men’s issues when someone wants to talk about women’s.
When I was waiting for a bus with a group of people, an older man walked up to me and told me he liked the tattoos on the back of my legs. I said thanks, and noticed that everyone waiting for the bus backed away from me a little. The man said “they look even nicer on such lovely legs” and then said that he wanted to get a closer look at the tattoos. I froze, looked around for support (at this stage there was none) as the man got down on his knees, clearly to look up my skirt, and not to look at the tattoos on my legs. At this point, one of the younger men waiting for the bus walked about to me, put his hand around my waist and said “come on babe, the bus is nearly here”. The man on the floor stood up, turned to the younger man and apologised to him, as if I were his property. The older man left and the younger man apologised for touching my waist, and said he was trying to make our “relationship” look believable. It made me feel rather unwell that I needed to be in a relationship to avoid harassment. I was lucky the young man came to help, because everyone else looked away and ensured distance between me. I don’t know what would have happened next.