restaurant

Ruri

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I work at a bar restaurant. It is a boys club of course. But I should be specific. I´´l give you couple of examples. The owners are men. The majority of the chef´s are men(the women are assisting chefs ofc), there is one shift manager that is female, we even have a Gin and Tonic menu named only after MEEEEEEEN!! But,.. not to lose here as well, yesterday a boy that is 5 years younger than me, who is working as a chef in another restaurant, took an extra shift as a waitor and asked to be positioned at the bar. Of course while he is the little brother of the manager he got the position and none of the rest of us who have been working there longer and not just an extra shift!!Important here is to mention that the guy is the little brother of the manager. Anyways, at the end of the shift we are allowed to get one drink if we want to. When I finished, I asked my shift manager if I could get a drink and he said of course, why dont you ask the guys to make you one. i did ask this guy and the answer was: you have to pay! with a bodily attitude as if he is a big piece of bulk. I said excuse me? He laughted and said you have to pay. I replied what are you? Our boss or?… super angry. Then, the guy prepared drinks for the guys in the kitchen and said to me: why dont you make one yourself? I was FUUUUURIOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS Now, I wonder.. Is this whole behaviour: a) a result of me being a rather weird person that the bartender didnt want to assist? b) the guy is the brother of the manager so he thinks he has the right to be bossy? c) he just treats women(even those of better and longer experience) different than men? or any of the given choices above as a combo? Just for you to think for yourself and contemplate.

Emily

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Sexism and harassment is rampant in the restaurants industry and in my years as a hostess and waitress at a Mexican restaurant it was frequent. (The culture of patriarchy perhaps has a lot to do with it.) Not a couple of weeks into my job as a still in high school hostess, my assistant manager asked me to be his mistress. I was shocked and said “no”. I went home crying, and told my dad what had happened, saying I was going to quit. He surprised me with his answer. “Unfortunately this will not be the first time this happens to you. If you like this job, don’t you dare let this guy ruin it for you. You do something about it.” And I did. I talked to the other women at work. We all (who were American) had been experiencing his “accidental” boob grazes, or leering looks, or outright vulgar comments, or propositions. We confronted him about it, then told our boss. He had no idea this was happening, but he listened and cared. The assistant manager was removed, but probably not fired. But we had done something to advocate for ourselves. This was not the last time I’d have to deal with it at that job. Many more instances came up, just as my dad said, but at least I had learned how to deal with it and stop it.

May

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It’s my boyfriend’s birthday so we go out to a restaurant. I pay for our meal and give my bank card to the waiter who takes the payment. He hands my card back to my boyfriend even though I literally just gave it to him two seconds ago!

No Chef

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I went to a teppanyaki restaurant where the chef liked to toss food to see if the customers could catch it. My bowl of fried rice landed in my hands then upended on to my chest. I was annoyed but did not say anything. He then made a loud joke to the rest of the table that “it was lucky the lady had big coconuts to catch the rice”. By the shocked faces I could see that the tables around us heard. I was so humiliated I went to the toilets and hid until the chef had gone. The management did nothing when I complained. Offered $$ off when I came back next time. I am never going back.

Emmy

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In a swanky restaurant in London yesterday, I am waiting to speak to the maitre d’, in front of the queue. Maitre d’ looks right through me and serves the middle aged besuited man standing behind me.

Mari

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I’m a waitress part-time and I’m nervous about going to work tonight because last week I was standing around (it was slow and we had 0 tables) talking with fellow servers (they all happened to be male) when recent gun violence and mass shottings came up in conversation. Amidst the Jew jokes I tried hard to overlook, the boys were commenting that kids with strict parents grow up and ‘go crazy’ and are probably the most likely mass shooters. I told them that i was raised conservative and consequentially had one year of ‘being crazy’ but didn’t kill anyone. I pointed out, ‘but then again, I’m not a man, so.’ They seemed shocked by the news that the majority of mass shooters are men and that men are more likely to be violent and/or madd shooters. They turned to the one black guy to clarify, ‘is that true?’ Because you know, if someone with a vagina says something political, you def need to clarify with a man to see if its true. Women, ya know. The black guy laughed mervously and confirmed the facts. The boys then changed the subject to gossip about all the whores and sluts they knew. It was gross and offensive, and I couldn’t help but feel like it was retaliation for making them uncomfortable.

Anneley Kay

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This morning my husband told me that whilst we were out with a group of friends at a top restaurant last night, the guy he sat next to asked the young waitress serving the table how much it would cost if she were to do so topless. My husband overheard it but didn’t say anything and he said the mans wife laughed. The waitress smiled but I’m sure she wouldn’t have felt cool about I. The man in question has a daughter a little younger than the waitress so I thought he might have greater understanding of inappropriate behaviour. If that had been my husband I’d have hauled him outside and made him apologise to her and if he refused id take him home to sober up…and then apologise. It makes me mad that no one called him out at the time and also mad that if I’d called him out at the time I’d probably be thought of as a party pooper and causing an embarrassment.

Max

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Why is it every time I am out for a meal with my girlfriend the waiter/waitress gives the bill to me?

Elin

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Realising half way through a restaurant meal that all the women in our party had repeatedly had their breasts brushed my the male waiter. It took a husband to ask us why we were all sitting with our arms in cross for us to realise.

Lisa

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I am a server and was working one night when two middle-aged men (I specify age here because I am 21, the age gap making the encounter even more infuriating/disgusting) came in and sat in my section. Within 5 minutes of serving them, I realized they were completely drunk, told my manager, and we agreed to cut them off if they ordered anymore alcohol. The whole situation was unusual because I work at a mid-to-high range sit-down restaurant, and had almost never had to cut anyone off in the 3 years I’d been there– it was not the kind of place you got drunk. The comments started small- saying their night was better “because you’re here” (serving them) and making comments like “you’re beautiful, you know that?” Every now and then (very rarely, thank God) I have to serve a middle-aged man who makes these sorts of comments and proceeds to eye me up all night, and it makes me very uncomfortable. The comments started to escalate; “beautiful” turned into “sexy,” confirming that they had been sexualizing me from the moment I started serving them. I was asked multiple times if I was married, if I had a boyfriend (yes), which did not deter them. Thankfully, they were leaving shortly and wanted their bills. I was frankly terrified to bill them because I would be forced to stand at the table for several minutes with no escape. In hindsight, I should have gotten someone else to take payment– I should never have to feel uncomfortable at work. I brought the bills and waited while one of the men whipped out some cash. He placed some money on the table and asked, “Would you like another $20?” I responded, “That is completely up to you, sir.” He then said, “How about we go outside and talk about it?” The implication that he would pay me for–presumably–sexual favours was fairly obvious, especially considering the escalating comments and lecherous stares. I simply said/yelled “NOOOOOOO I don’t think so” and walked away as he said “Jeez, I was just kidding” in an offended tone. I waited until he had left to clear his table, and saw that his glass was broken- according to the table next to him, he had smashed it. As I was cleaning up the glass I looked around and saw he was coming back, which was terrifying. He shouted “Hey YOU! COME HERE” at me from about 20 feet away. I froze, and he came up quick- he threw a $20 at me, which I snatched, glaring at him, and quickly walked away (I thought about throwing it back out of principle, but the thought of having been through all that bullshit AND having to tip out of pocket on the bill convinced me to keep it). I got a bit of smug satisfaction when one of my friends hosting said that guy loudly complained, “‘I tipped her $20 and she didn’t even thank me!’” as he walked out the door. While this was an extreme case of sexism, I have received a ton of harassment and sexism working in the service industry especially. Men take advantage of the power position in which it is your job to facilitate a good experience for them to make inappropriate comments that would otherwise end that interaction. Normally, if a man said something about my appearance on the street, I would ignore him. In this situation, my choices are fairly limited by the fact that I must serve them for the next two hours. Although I warned my manager about the situation and kept her updated on the sexism, she agreed (when it was just comments about my appearance, i.e. ‘beautiful’) that it was something we (female servers) had to put up with every now and then. Of course after telling her about the final encounter when paying the bill, she assured me that if we recognized him again he’d be thrown out. This isn’t the first or the last time I’ll encounter sexism in the workplace– thankfully, besides this incident, it usually involves comments that are not blatantly offensive/degrading/disgusting. I would still prefer it if men my father’s age would stop saying the following: -“You should come join us for a drink when you’re done” (usually said jokingly-but not jokingly by groups of 2-3 middle-aged men) -“You have really pretty eyes. Come closer so I can see them.” -“Do you work out? You look like you work out.” No, sir, I do not want to join you. I would like to know how you like your steak, and that is all.