I was in a high-end London restaurant with a friend of mine (another woman) when the waiter started hitting on us. When I told him our hearts were taken, his so very eloquent response was “your hearts may be taken, but not necessarily your pussies!”. It baffles me that anyone would think it is an ok comment to make… The manager of the restaurant has been contacted and I hope this mysoginist idiot will have to face the consequences of his words.
I went to a fancy pub in Bangalore for lunch over the weekend. Everyone from the doorman who checked our car into the valet service, to our waiter who directed us to our table, handed us our menu and took the order, addressed my husband as if he was alone and COMPLETELY IGNORED ME. The only person who acknowledged my presence was the female hostess at the door who smiled at us both and confirmed our reservation. In everything from body language, to eye contact, to words spoken, I may as well have been invisible. After the menu was handed (to my husband) and the waiter sallied off, I pointed this out to him (I’ve been trying to show him instances of everyday sexism, which usually confuse and shock him) and he hadn’t noticed this AT ALL. He was upset that it happened, and upset that he didn’t notice because of his position of privilege. This doesn’t happen at every restaurant we go to. The most gender-related event is usually when the pretty mocktail with the umbrella is placed in front of me and my whiskey water goes to my husband, upon which we exchange drinks and shock the waiter. But this time was a bit of a shocker, especially since it was such an upmarket place. I placed the order, as I usually do, called the waiters when we needed things, and basically made myself impossible to ignore. Grrr.
So my Dad decided to take me and my two sisters out for a meal at an Indian restaurant in Bristol, UK. The restaurant was not busy and the four of us were promptly seated and before long the waiter came over to take our order. My sisters and I started to order when the waiter shushed us and said ‘not so fast, let’s give this gentleman a chance to order, hmm?’ And then proceeded to take my Dad’s order first and then us sisters were allowed to then tell him what we wanted. I was very offended and oddly felt embarrassed that the waiter said that to us. All I could do was become immediately entranced with studying the ends of my hair. Even when the waiter served our food he just was rude to us girls whilst giving my Dad the moniker ‘sir’ after everything he said to him. Even after the bill was settled the same guy just said ‘thank you sir’ to my Dad whilst pretending that my sisters and I did not exist even after we politely said ‘thank you’ to him. I was thoroughly disgusted.
I’m a student living in Spain on her year abroad. A week ago, I was having a lovely conversation with another female friend about feminism and sexual assault. We had a really productive discussion comparing our experiences in various countries and how we could change things. About 30 minutes later she went to the bathroom and I got ready to leave. As I was waiting for her to come back, a man who looked around 70 came up to me, grabbed me, and started murmuring things in my ear and licking his lips. I waved him off and just continued with my day. The people on the table next to me didn’t react at all. This is unfortunately not the first time this has happened to me and it will most certainly not be the last. In fact, this behaviour is considered normal for old mediterranean men. Hopefully something will change when that generation dies out, but for now I guess we’ll have to endure toothless old men touching us without consent in public a little longer.
A few weeks ago, we went out for dinner with friends, a couple. At the restaurant, they asked for a beer and a coke, without saying who was the beer for. When the waitress arrives with the drinks, she gives the beer to the guy and the coke to the girl… and the girl, my friend, says “this happens every time we go out for dinner. I wonder why they think the beer should be for him… Most days it doesn’t bother me, but… this is kind of sexist, isn’t it?”