School

Kate

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Since reading your book ‘FIX THE SYSTEM, NOT THE WOMEN’ I started thinking about my ‘list’. I have always had inappropriate comments as a female engineer, however I started thinking all the times before being in the workplace and there are a few stand out moments – 1. At the age of 13 I was travelling by coach on a school skiing trip in Europe, asleep on the coach I was awakened by the boy sat next to me having unzipped my trousers and with his hands in my knickers – I had always been disgusted by this but I was in pure shock and didn’t know what to do, I haven’t ever told anyone. Until I began reading your book I hadn’t framed this as sexual assault but I imagine it actually is? 2. On the same skiing trip the same boy pulled down my swimming costume in a swimming pool surrounded by a group of pupils, I was mortified. 3. During my college years I was on a night out and was spiked and ended up in the back of an ambulance. 4. At university as the only girl on my course all the other students had a bet to see who could ‘shag me’, I didn’t find out until the final year, thankfully I hadn’t been attracted to any of them as I would have been horrified to learn the person was only with me for a bet. 5. I also used to have inappropriate comments from lecturers – one in particular used to say ‘where’s the pretty one today’, amongst other things. During a tensile testing lab session a piece of material shattered and one of the male students screamed, my lecturer said to me – ‘Kate we need to have a code, when you scream I don’t know if you’re pleasuring yourself or you’re scared’. I never went to any of his classes after that, I’d rather sacrifice my education than put up with the comments. 6. In previous engineering companies I have had ‘your arse looks great in that dress’, ‘we’ve all been to the pub and we all think you’re f*cking him’, ‘your boobs look really good today’, in my previous employment a group of male engineers had rated all the women in the office on their appearance/attractiveness and didn’t use our names, I was referred to as ‘Number 2’ for the length of my employment. 7. I’ve also had Uber drivers pull the car over, push their seat back and start touching my legs.

C

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I was 16 or 17 wearing my school uniform (a kilt and sweater) in a coffee shop with some friends waiting on them to order when a grown man (mid-20s maybe) tried chatting me up. I could feel his eyes looking at my body, my legs specifically while asking how old I was, even after I told him I was a teen, his demeanour did not change and it just made me really uncomfortable. Now that I’m 21, I will never understand an adult viewing a teenager in that way

Anon

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Throughout Primary School, Secondary School and College; most boys and young men would not get my attention by politely saying “please excuse me”, “good morning” or “good afternoon”. Instead these males would prod and poke me when I was reading a book or studying. They would yell “Oi!” grabbing my shoulders or poking me in the ribs. This made me jump when I was a little girl and these boys thought it was so funny to scare me and other females. These males would laugh with their friends while yelling in my ear: “Oi wakey wakey sweetheart! Stop ignoring me.” It became a sort of a horrid game where the boys and young men would dare each other to grab at and poke girls reading books or girls just trying to go about their business. These boys and young men would rarely say “Hello” to me but instead would shove me, pinch me, grab me, surprise bear hug me from behind or give me a firm poke. Those boys would say tactless things while invading my personal space and prodding me such as: “Stop reading that boring book darling.” When there was a girl wearing earbuds listening to music in class, sometimes the males would try to remove her earbuds without asking, shout rude words in her ear about her “cup size” and give her a shove. Sometimes when the boys and young men got really impatient at being “ignored” they’d call the girls and young women “skank”, “cunt”, “slag”, “bitch”, “slapper”, “slut” or “cow”. The boys would frequently comment on women’s and girls’ bodies throughout the school day. The boys would talk very loudly about which females were “well fit” or “fat slags”. I regret not reporting these incidences but there never seemed to be time given the intensive academic workload nor was there a designated person to talk to or message anonymously about these embarrassing and worrying incidents. Many of the teachers seemed overwhelmed by the boys and young men’s rude behaviours and were unsure how to stop these. Teachers referring the boys as “gentlemen” and trying to educate these young men about “personal and social relationships” didn’t do any good at all. The males’ poking, grabbing and verbal denigration of females continued. This was why I found it hard have polite and sensitive conversations with boys and young men. Their thoughtless behaviour made me feel sad and I mourn for the deep friendly social connections and thoughtful respectful conversations I never had the opportunity to have with them.

Lily

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In Year 7 a group of girls got called in at break and told that they need to wear more appropriate socks because the ones they were wearing had their ankles showing which was apparently distracting. SOCKS. 1- it’s not the fucking Victorian times I don’t think ankles are distracting. 2- THESE GIRLS ARE 12 YEARS OLD WHO EVER IS GETTING DISTRACTED IS DISGUSTING. And this kind of thing happened again I’m Year 9, all the girls doing pe were told that they can’t wear leggings that have any sort of mesh because we ‘have male teachers who will get distracted’. EXCUSE ME. IF A MALE TEACHER CANT CONTROL HIMSELF AROUND 14 YEAR OLD GIRLS THEN HE SHOULDNT BE WORKING IN SCHOOL.

Anon

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I am a secondary school teacher, during one of my planning periods I could hear a trainee teacher struggling with the behaviour of a class. This particular class, GCSE age, boy heavy could be rowdy at times. My intention was to stand in the room and assist with behaviour while the trainee focussed on teaching the lesson. As I stood in the doorway to survey the situation a boy loudly wolf whistled at me. I was shocked, I was a member of staff, a person and yet this boy thought it was acceptable to further disrupt the learning and disrespect me. Thankfully, the schools response was brilliant. They launched an investigation straight away, found the culprit and suspended him. Before he returned to school I was reassured by senior members of staff including the headteacher that this wasn’t tolerated and my safety was paramount. When the boy returned to school he gave me a formal apology. I don’t blame him, in fact now when we pass in the corridor he always says hello and is polite. What I do blame is the lack of support and education our young people are given about everyday sexism. As an educator, I know individual teachers try their best to prevent and tackle sexism but there is no wider support from society. Sexism is still largely accepted and our young people are falling victim to it.

Beta

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I was at school, and some boys came to me and tricked me into doing a sexualised pose and sticking out my butt, disguising it as a handshake. It was only two months later until I realised the true nature of their actions

Zoe

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Down the road from my all girls school is an all boys school, the schools used to be quite intergrated ,with sixth formers going to the other school if that school was offering an extra lesson and whatever, but they had to stop it because of how disgusting the boys were being with rape threats and all that. Now on my way home from school I have to walk past these boys who catcall specifically me out of my friend group and make every day I have go from good to bad and I go home feeling disgusting. Me and my friends have tried reporting them and telling teachers, so have other girls apparently, but no one does anything. At one point a friend of mine threatened police action to the school because they had called me an “ugly fucking dyke” (and that’s apparently enough to tell the police but lord knows they don’t do anything either) because I had told them that they’re not funny. No one seems to do anything because of the teenage boy stereotype and it’s doing nothing but make me feel disgusted with myself every day. I’d go the long way home but I’m not letting them win.

anonymous

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i had this ex boyfriend who would always ask to hang out. it was never day time and he would ask me to sneak out of my house to see him. i was scared but ended up doing it. i looked at him in the eyes and told him i did not want to lose my virginity because i was 15 and i didn’t completely understand the whole sex thing. he said he understood but i’m not sure if he did because he did it anyways. once i realized that that is what he did i kinda tried to stay away from him. but turns out i was a teenage girl seeking male validation so i stayed with him. He did multiple things along those lines and ended up cheating on me with his ex gf(she cheated on him multiple times and he would use her as an excuse for the way he acted.) so hooray.

Sofia

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All my life I have been subject to male criticisms of my work and how I structure my answers. In essays, this does not bother me. However, in classes focusing on Women’s rights and Women in general, there was a particular ‘team’ of boys who would not only mansplain everything, but snigger and laugh every time I, or indeed another woman in my class, explained something at university. During secondary school, I was harassed in public, at the canteen of my school, by a boy who had a ‘crush’ on me, who even strangled me off of a bench, along with other things. It was witnessed by all of my friends, but they were simply under the influence of everyday sexism. As I was told ‘he was just flirting’. To a point where I was scared to say no when he asked me out. Which led to a toxic and abusive relationship. I was 14. I am now at university and still seeing everyday sexism everywhere.

Charriess

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In second grade, I was arguing with a boy in my class, and midway through it he stated that “you’re a woman, so you should listen to me and do what I say”. I still remember it to this day, and wonder what was wrong with the way his parents were teaching him.