I am 13 years old and at only 10 years old I was sat on the school bus when an older boy threatened to rape me. I was sat next to him and couldn’t move away, that journey was the most horrific thing I have ever been through. But the worst part was nothing happened, it was reported and no one got any consequences
i was at school in a lesson and the boys in my class were disrupting as usual and it was just incessant. then one decided to start quoting andrew tate, and he knew so many quotes off by heart. all the girls in the room had been silent for the duration of the lesson and some of us made wide eye contact as this went on. the teacher said nothing and just asked them to be quiet for the hundredth time. it made me so angry and upset that this kind of thing is never taken seriously.
Start reading fix the system not the women and opened my eyes to the list over my lifetime. – school segregation in sports, the grief I would get for doing a more masculine sport like football, ‘why don’t you try netball’. Girls play rounders, boys play cricket. Girls do gymnastics, boys play football. Girls play netball, boys play basketball. – boys rating girls appearance at school – comments on weight / appearance from peers in school, from family members – comments growing up about jobs for women and what jobs aren’t for women from family members – diet pills as a teenager in secret to lose weight. – cat called while walking down a road on my own aged 13 – sexually assaulted as a teenager – in a customer facing role, comments on my appearance from strangers, no such comments were every received by male colleagues – verbal abuse from men in van who stopped to catcall and got aggressive when ignored. – the fear of walking home alone at night – the fear of being followed when driving alone at night – being told to be thankful for an unsolicited comment on my appearance – when asking someone to think twice about how they word things/calling someone out on casual sexism, being told I have a victim mentality
I just finished reading the book. So many women like me! When i think of my issues and fears. How many times over how many years, whether it was the unwanted touching from a guy i never fancied at prom. Or the sexual assault in an elevator – more than once (different men) – where i physically couldnt leave. Or the sex that i said no to, but it happened anyway. There are so many more times and im just one girl…. Atleast ive learnt to fight back. As if that’s a lesson i needed to know. Or at my new home where my landlord is trying to bully me out of staying, inspite of the payment upfront, just because i am a petite foreign woman. Lord knows if i was from here…. Or if i was a man…. It just wouldnt happen. Why do i always have to be made stronger. Stronger for what. I think in a world where we didnt need protection from men, i dont know that id have a lot to do with them. I can count on one finger the man i know who isnt sexist. Inspite of how hard i work and my designation as managing director in manufacturing in Nigeria (which by the way is no small feat), there is the expectation that someone else must be making the decisions, and one day i will marry so i cant really have any longterm plan at work. the reality of being shouted at by my second in command – something that would not happen to a man, being told i need to handle him better… And of course which man accepts that i just do not want children. Because i was a great dog mumma, its not the same thing. Either the men i know are bullisome, or outright sexist with open remarks like “you dont need to work”, certainly they always think they know better. atleast in my experience. And yes of course we fight back, but it’s perpetual and it’s daily and it’s exhausting- for how long!!! and to be left angry. And doubting my own skills and competence. Where does it end…..!!?
when I was 11 I had just moved to Spain and was in a Spanish school without knowing the language. the boys in the year above me would take advantage of this in many ways. one day I was sitting at the back of the class in break. the teacher was in the room. the boys that would harass me came over and one grabbed my chair in place, and another was holding my arm. the oldest of the boys then proceeded to stand in front of me and pull his underwear down. I sat there stunned for what felt like an eternity. the male teacher was fully aware. I never went back to that school. it’s been 4 years. I see the boys fairly often and even seeing them brings back the fear and shock I felt. I was 11. he was 15.
Primary 1 aged 5. Surrounded by a group of boys and having my pants pulled down. Being most embarrassed about they might see my birth mark. Didn’t tell anyone because of the shame. Primary 6 aged 10. Handed a note by boy (schoolfriend) listing number of boys names and check box of who I would like to “toss off”. Not knowing what it meant, but knowing it was probably shameful, I put in my pocket. Then was shouted at by my mum when she found it as if I was tossing off boys regularly. S4 (aged 16) went to sleep in friends bed with a male friend, fully clothed. Woke up with his hands in my shorts in middle of the night. Didn’t tell anyone as felt shame that I was sleeping in a bed with a boy who wasn’t my boyfriend. I removed his hand. We said nothing. He went on to become a police officer. Age 22 walking down the street to be grabbed by a stranger in the street both hands on both my buttocks. When I looked in horror he explained he couldn’t help it cos my ass was so nice. I just walked away from him and said nothing. I was with friends and my boyfriend who also said nothing. Age 30 approx 2007. sent a text to a friend when I was drunk telling him the address I was going to with a male companion “in case I got raped”. Had sent the wrong house number which caused a misunderstanding that led to police being called for a welfare check. Police told me I was disgusting. Told me I’d be lucky if I didn’t lose my job for making a false accusation of rape. Age 39 raped by my intimate partner when I withdrew consent on removal of a condom and he proceeded anyway despite me saying no repeatedly and trying to push him away. I didn’t realise it was rape until I ended the relationship and spoke to a police officer about what he’d done and they pointed out that consent was removed. Clearly making it rape. Friends and family were not enthusiastic about me reporting this officially for investigation. I did anyway but he gave a no comment interview and there was no physical evidence as it was a few months on. These are not every example of sexual assault or misogyny and sexism I’ve experienced. Too many to list. Thank you for this project.
On the walk home from my UK college (highschool) a group of boys from my college shouted awful things at me, like “Let me see your ginger pushy” and “I bet she’s been used at least 10 times”. They walked the same way as me for half an hour, and only stopped when I managed to integrate myself in a group of infant school students. I felt so unsafe and helpless.
I present as more effeminate than most and was called gay throughout school and university. Now wanting to explore my sexuality, I’m unsure whether the desire is my own or it’s because of the comments. I hate that it’s like this
I’m so tired of walking down the street and being cat called or having men follow me shouting things after me. I’m tired of having to fight harder than my husband when I walk the dogs alone because if he has reactive dogs he’s trying his best but I’m just a bad dog owner. I’m tired of men bullying their way through life and being allowed to get away with it. I’m tired of feeling unsafe walking home at night. I’m tired of feeling unsafe walking alone during the day if I don’t have a dog or my husband with me. I’m tired of being treated differently when my husband is there versus when he’s not. I’m tired of men directing their technical information to my husband like my brain is too small to comprehend it. I’m tired of having to make myself smaller so I’m more palatable. I’m tired of always having to push to be treated in even the same ballpark as men. I’m tired of all the micro aggressions I experience on a daily basis that I don’t even register anymore. I’m tired of having to pitch against agencies run by men who are worse at what they do but get more work because they’re men. I’m tired of just fucking existing in a society that wants me to shut up and put up.
in primary school, around age 9, i had been cornered in a room by two boys, also aged 9, and groped. i never told any teachers or my parents