Tag Archives: stalker

V

I’ve had my fair share of sexual harassment but lately I’m in a situation I don’t know what to do about… So short side note first, I live in a flat that is connected to another one though we are 2 separated flats (it’s difficult to explain). I’ve lived there for 2.5 years now and one of the tenants living in the adjacent flat as been kind of stalking me since I moved in. It started with inappropriate messages (let’s go swimming together/how about we have a drink in my room tonight) and escalated to an kiss I did not consent to. I have been ignoring him since the beginning but he just doesn’t stop (even for the short period of time he had a girlfriend!). Last Saturday I was invited to a birthday party of his flatmate (we get along really well and he’s a genuinely nice person), and while there I kissed another guy. Afterwards my stalker interrogated my flatmate if that was normal behaviour for me (specifically going out to meet guys to sleep with), started mopping around and at the end insulted me before hugging me (again against my consent) telling me he didn’t mean it. I told him that he definitely meant it and if he still feels bad about it when sober to come over and apologise. Which I’ve been waiting for since. As a student in a city with high rental prices I can’t afford another place. And since he knows where to draw the line (we are both law students) or only acts inappropriately when inebriated (try proving intent) there is nothing I can do since (according to the law and the police) he didn’t overstep any law. I’m just happy my flatmate and friends understand and help me to avoid situations where we are alone. It just annoys me that there is nothing I can do and I’m scared of telling him no outright cause he might sneak in at night/when I’m home alone (I can’t stay locked in my room the whole day).

Camilla

I was selling some things online, and a user of the sales portal used my contact information to text me very inappropriate stuff. At first I did not understand what he meant, because I was selling shoes, and he was asking about socks, and his grammar was inconsistent. So I asked him if he could clarify. After a couple confusing texts, he finally spoke his mind clearly: He asked me if I would wear pantyhose for a few days to make them smelly, and then send them to him. He offered to pay a little money for each pair. Then he started to send me kissing emojis. I immediately blocked his number without responding further. It made me feel scared, because this man had my phone number. I immediately deleted my number and other person-specific information from my profile on the sales portal and will take subsequent action of giving his number to the portal administrators, so they can block him as a user. It also made me feel really tired and frustrated, because I had to change my number last year because of another inappropriate man. This other man and I were dating for a couple of weeks. When I found out he was married, I broke it off (albeit a little later than I should have). Even after repeatedly being VERY CLEAR to him, that I no longer wanted to see him or have any contact with him, he would still call me non-stop for hours and hours. This happened every 3-4 months, and it kept me in a constant state of fear. Would he come seek me out? He knew where I lived at the time. After a year and a half of ignoring his sporadic call-frencies I finally changed my number. I felt defeated. Why must it be my burden to bear that these men have problems? Why am I the one who has to feel shitty, be genuinely scared, when I am not the one who is wrong? Why do I have to carry these men’s wrongdoings around with me? I am in a constant state of self-consciousness because of guys who act inappropriately: When I go out once in a while, I always make sure not to dress in a flattering way, so that I can mitigate the excessive amount of cat calls and but-groping. When I go to work, I am ashamed of myself for dressing nicely when colleagues ask why I am so dressed-up, just because I wore a skirt and mascara. It makes me feel uncomfortable that men are keeping an eye on me like that. Stop being inappropriate, guys, and be as nice as we all know you really can be!

Maggie

I had a man I didn’t know follow me while I walked my dog. Somehow, he found out my name and whenever he saw me in our small town. He’d run at me yelling my name. I was ducking into bathrooms and stores to hide. I didn’t even feel safe getting gas or going to the grocery. I changed markets, no longer walked my dog, and eventually moved. My life was controlled by this one man. When I’d mention this to people, they’d laugh and say he had a crush on me. No one really took it seriously.