In year 6 (UK) people from Transport for London came into our school to talk to our year group about staying safe on transport. One of the things they said that stuck with me was “on the bus, never sit on the window seat, because if someone takes the seat next to you, you won’t be able to easily get out of a bad situation. Never in my life have I sat alone in the window seat… I am a girl in year 10 now, I wonder how many of the boys my age have to know this… I wonder how many remember…
Today I got off the train and I was walking into the centre of Manchester. There was a Man at the side of the street and he looked cheery like he was joking about something, telling people to buy this mans local produce (the man was selling cakes and pies and northern stuff!). I smiled at him, because I thought it was funny. The man walked up towards me and started speaking to me so I took my headphones out. He told me he bought this pie especially for me and I said no thank you and walked on. He continued to follow me and walk by my side (I have had this happen before, people trying to keep up your pace), and started saying he was new to the UK from Jamaica and I had to listen to him and get on with him because of that reason. I asked him to let me walk on my own, and that I didn’t need or want any company. He didn’t. Then, when I walked off, he was yelling things like “nice ass baby I love everything about you you’re unreal” etc etc. I told my temper big time, and started to shout. I really wanted to be heard by everyone around me. I didn’t want to shake it off this time. I yelled at him and I caused a big scene! I think this is where big change happens. I felt safe in a crowded place that I could yell my opinion. I was pretty shaken up after from all the adrenaline, but then after a while started laughing to myself for ages- I am not sure why. Maybe because for the first time ever I shouted louder than the male saying abusive degrading stuff. I feel angry but also proud of how I reacted.
Last year, I was on a relatively empty train. Three men got on the train and shouted “I told you there were girls on here”, and I was immediately scared. The three of them circled around me while I was sitting by myself, and made sexual comments and asked if they could have my bag. I swore at them and told them to leave me alone, and it worked. I was terrified, I didn’t know if it would escalate or if they would follow me. I was worried being politer would make them see me as more of a target, too. When I told my Mum about it, she criticised me for not being more polite and implied it was my fault. She didn’t say it was a horrible thing that happened to me, she just blamed me for not being a compliant and quiet woman. That happened 6 months ago, and I’m still too scared to go on the train.
One time in 6 or 7th grade I was walking outside with my female friend during lunch. and I walked past this boy and he grabbed my butt. I was so angry and I think my friend told me I was over reacting. The boy only got a lecture from a female teacher. That was the extent of his punishment. On another occasion this time when I was taking the train during my freshman year in high school. This man sat diagonal from me in a 4 seat section. He asked me to use my phone to take a call. I was kind of frighted of him but I alway wanted to be kind to people so I gave him my phone. He held my phone for a really long time until I asked him if he was going to call someone. After fairly obviously pretending to call someone I got my phone back. When I looked at my phone I saw that he had opened a bunch of apps like contacts and messages, I felt so uncomfortable. He placed his feet up blocking off my exit and I couldn’t move I was so scared. I texted my mom and then I moved train cars. People still don’t really understand why I don’t like public transportation.
Back when a student, riding a train back to my hometown. Some guy sits next to me and suddenly starts to feel up my thigh. Unfortunately for him, I was also reading a 900-page textbook and promptly slammed it on his hand, which made him stop, but we definitely shouldn’t have to resort to that. Also random old guy stopping me in the street and offering me 20 quid to sleep with him. And guys calling me a fat ugly slut for not dropping everything and letting them shag me on the spot. I’ve stopped counting.
I sat at the train. Next to me sat a man reading a newspaper. He looked very strange at me and I didn’t get why. Then I realised that he was masturbating behind his newspaper. I went to the train conducter an told him what happened. The only thing he did was looking at me and my clothes (I like waring a little bit sexy styles and red lipstick) and asked: “Could it be that this is happening to you more often…?” This was the only thing he did. I was so confused and told it to my (conservative) mom and she also said, I shouldn’t be wondering about this because I was wearing red lipstick and that this was MY FAULT. I feel so angry and helpless.
I was traveling on an old-fashioned train where you can only push the door open once the train has completely stopped. There are two doors right next to each other, I was standing next to the right one, holding on to the bar between the two. As we get closer to a station, people start to stand behind me, then someone goes up to the left door. Must be in a hurry, I thought. Then, as the train starts to break, I start to watch out for the moment in which I can start opening the door, without locking it (locks if someone tries to open it too early). Then the person next to me extends their hand OVER MINE to open the RIGHT DOOR. He was standing beside the left door, but he had to go and try to open the damn left door, which he could not, because he tried too early (guess why I was waiting… It’s not because I cannot open a door). I offered help, even though he was very impolite, which he did not reply to (because I do not go into other’s personal space without them allowing or asking for it, I did not help). Then voila, he succeeded at opening a damn door. How gracious. And he was not even in a hurry, because then he offered me to go first! Why the hell would someone think that is polite to do? I am perfectly capable of opening a door myself, and I don’t make people wait behind us in the process. I am bothered by this because it was the least useful/smart thing someone could do. If he opened the door on his side, I could have opened it my side, and not make people wait in the process, and him not getting closer to me than I would have liked to. I told him I can open a door and left.
A man came up to me on the train today and asked if he could feel my tights whilst rubbing his hand on my thigh which I had to remove and say no obviouslyand then he looked me up and down about three times, asked me where I was going and touched my neck saying he liked my necklace. I had to remove his hand again, he then touched my lips and said my lipstick was nice and asked if I liked ginger men so I removed his hand and told him to stop touching me and ignored his second comment and then he looked me up and down a couple more times and stared at my breasts for about a minute and said that “I had a nice pair” meanwhile everyone on the train can see this and doesn’t think to intervene. Pisses me off and he scared me if I’m honest. If I hadn’t of got off the train bcos I was only going one stop what else would he have done or said
So I was traveling to work on the tube in London and it was very busy, like a sardine tin at 08.30 in the morning with everyone pushing to get onto the trains. About one stop into my journey I felt a man pressing against my ass. I moved but he moved with me and continued to press his GROIN into my ass. There is literally nowhere to move because the train is so packed so I wait until the next stop and then move further down the carriage. This asshole moves with me and attempts to do the same thing again. I turned and stared at him, confident that I would shout out loud at him if it carried on another minute. He then got off the train and I actually felt really stupid for not saying something out loud. Like I was embarrassed or maybe I was wrong…but I know that I was not wrong. I reported him to the transport police but sadly they did not have any CCTV to prove anything so I dropped it. It made me feel quite powerless actually. and how does any asshole have the right to do this to you on your way to work!?
I was harassed on the Edinburgh — Glasgow 8pm train this evening. I’m just in from making a long statement to the police. And I’m writing things out here partly to make myself feel better and partly to try to make speaking about these things more normal. They happen a lot. It needs to stop. The train was absolutely rammed at Waverley Station, and I hopped on with a few minutes to spare. It was standing room only and I was next to a young mum with her baby in a pram, right up against the doors. Seconds later, three intoxicated folk in their 40s clattered up to the train. The women shoved their way on and the man stopped to piss down the side of the carriage onto the tracks. Then he pushed into the tightly packed doorway, the doors shut and the train pulled out. ‘Sorry for urinating,’ he slurs at me. I gesture at the mum and her baby. She looks so uncomfortable and a bit scared. I give her a wee smile and waggle my fingers at the baby. ‘You’re beautiful,’ the drunk man says. I ignore him. He tries to touch my cheek and my neck. I tell him sharply, ‘don’t touch me.’ He is affronted and acts insulted. ‘But you’re beautiful!’ he says, in a tone that tells me he thinks he is offering logic. ‘I have a daughter like you!’ His female friends mutter and tut. He laughs at me. ‘Ooooh! You’re… what’s the word? Political!’ ‘You bet.’ I tell him. ‘What hope do you have for the future?’ he jibes. His tone tells me that he means ‘how could a woman like you find a partner?’ Again he tries to touch me. Again I tell him ‘don’t touch me.’ This level of entitlement is making me absolutely livid. He huffs and his female friends roll their eyes. ‘Just leave it,’ they say. He moves onto the young mum. Same again. He tries to touch her in the same way. ‘Don’t touch her either,’ I say, sharply again. ‘Awww, but why not? She’s beautiful.’ ‘Because she doesn’t want you to. Can’t you see? You’re trying to push into our personal space and that’s really not OK. I don’t like it and she doesn’t either. I’m happy to chat, but you’ve totally crossed a line and I’m making that clear to you now.’ He goes back to his beer. And that’s when his female friends lay into me. ‘You can’t dictate what he does!’ one of them says. ‘Yeah, you’ve got personal space problems. Issues! You’ve got issues!’ her pal goes. I’m caught totally off guard because I’d assumed their comments and eye rolls until this point had been directed at him not me. It hadn’t even occurred to me that this might not be the case. Tears are running down my face before I even register how upset I am. I keep my head down and don’t look at anyone, apart from trying to give the young mum a reassuring smile. ‘Drama queen!’ the first woman jibes. ‘Look at her creating a scene!’ ‘No personality in the corner there!’ the second woman points at me. My nose is running and my breathing ragged. I take some deep breaths, trying to calm myself but it doesn’t work. They keep making jibes. ‘I was only joking, beautiful! You’re beautiful! I’ve got a daughter like you!’ the man nudges me. I can’t stop crying. The second the train pulls into Linlithgow I get onto the platform, and change carriages. I am so grateful to find friendly strangers in the doorway of the next carriage. They ask what’s happened. One man is very sweet, telling me he thinks it’s horrible. Another woman agrees. But then she quickly starts explaining how it was always like that when she started work in the 1980s. She implies that I should pull myself together and not be upset. She means well but I feel tiny. I just can’t stop crying. When I get to Queen Street a young woman and her boyfriend who had been in the first carriage come up to me. The woman is upset because she’d seen what happened and not felt safe to do anything about it. The man apologises because even although he’d been only half a metre away, he hadn’t realised anything was going on. I want to tell other women to not be afraid to speak up when they get harassed, and to speak up for other women getting harassed where possible, because others will look out for you and support you. It’s plainly not always true. But that doesn’t mean we can stop. Cis men, please ask your female and non-binary pals what sexist harassment looks like. You might be surprised at how often it doesn’t look like anything at all. If you ever do see something happening, and you feel safe to do so, please please please either speak up against the harasser, or else speak with the victim to keep them company. The fact that no-one did this for me tonight meant that I felt threatened and unsafe. Get the British Transport Police number into your phone. It’s 61016. Being able to text them from the train was a wee comfort and gave me a task to focus on. It also meant I had a reference number I could hand to an officer in the station. I made a two hour statement to wonderfully competent but brisk, clinical policeman. He put a roll of toilet paper next to me when he realised the tears weren’t stopping, and asked me about my festive plans between questions. I signed off the second draft of my statement, and off record, started to tell him that I didn’t think that the man was a bad person, just- the police officer chipped in, ‘uhuh, he was just drunk.’ I was going to say ‘seriously conditioned into a sense of entitlement taught to him by his being male in our patriarchal society.’ I cannot stress enough that I don’t blame that officer for what he said. He thought he was being nice and reassuring. I sincerely appreciate that. But even after giving a long, detailed statement of such a clear cut incident, to hear that sort of statement made it all the clearer how much work we have left. Fuck the patriarchy, and the entitlement it teaches. Mon the strong women. Here’s to lessening this utter shite in our lifetimes. It harms us all. PS If you think this post would help anyone, I am happy for it to be shared.