Tag Archives: virginity


I was 16 and with my first boyfriend, who was experienced in the bedroom, unlike me. I wanted him to like me, and be brought up the topic of sex, and even though I said no, he proceded to forcefully have sex with me against my will. I’m 19 now, and I’m still dating him. I never told anyone that I lost my virginity to rape by my boyfriend.


Every time I went to a certain OBGYN, he’d question me about whether or not I’d had vaginal intercourse yet. Honestly it’s not something I’m all that interested in, even though I like other elements of sex, and I guess that makes me insanely bizarre to most people (friends have told me they need to fix that for me and hook me up with someone fast). Regardless, he would always follow up my answer of “no” with, “Good for you!” or “Really? NEVER? Not even once?!” Like fuck off, you’re supposed to be my doctor. He was “nice” otherwise but I’m so glad I stopped seeing him.


I lost my virginity as an aftermath of rape. But I did nothing to report it or get justice. It was my mistake. I was 17. I thought that the guy was cute and smart and funny and sweet and friendly. I was the one that agreed to meet up after the festival we worked at together. I was the one who decided to wear shorts and a top at a hot summer night. I was the one who decided to have a drink that night. I was the one who didn’t have to go home that night. I was the one that loved movies and agreed to go to his place to watch both of ours favourite. I was the one who didn’t know how to say NO. I was the one who let herself be pushed on a couch. I was the one with clothing so easy to take off. I talked about it to a friend of mine. “At least you are not a virgin anymore!” was all she told me. So I stopped talking about it. I was told it had been a “win win” situation. I had won a first kiss taken by force. I had won microscopic wounds in my vagina and bleeding for three days. I had won a lost virginity. I had won trust issues. I had won distaste for my favourite film. I had won an STD. I had won changing the things I wear. I had won the paniced feeling everytime I go out with friends. I had won not wanting to talk to any of our mutual friends. I had won hating my feminen body. I had won false shame for having a vagina. I had won depression. What did he win? I do not know and I do not want to know.