when i lost my virginity with my now ex, i wasn’t ready. on the day, i met with my then boyfriend outside and decided to not wear a bra as i was wearing a big jumper and wanted to be comfortable. i think he took this as an indicator that i wanted to lose my virginity that day, despite me saying no multiple times until i gave up and said a reluctant yes. we were in a park and also had no condoms so there were lots of reasons as to why i didn’t want to have sex. i felt very uncomfortable the whole time especially considering he was very experienced and we were outside. the day after i went to get a morning after pill alone. i didn’t realise until a few months later, after i had broken up him how bad i felt about the situation. during this relationship, he also took videos of me giving him head without my consent, and coerced me into saying yes many times. i am now scared of being with anyone sexually as i don’t want my no’s to be ignored again.
