I ran a financial advice company for many years, and I was constantly appalled when my secretary of many years of experience and ability had to endure men and I am afraid to say women too not taking her telephone conversation seriously. This resulted in her having to pass the phone to me – why for God’s sake would they not take a woman’s voice who clearly knew what she was talking about; I could never understand this remote sexism.
I just finished reading the book. So many women like me! When i think of my issues and fears. How many times over how many years, whether it was the unwanted touching from a guy i never fancied at prom. Or the sexual assault in an elevator – more than once (different men) – where i physically couldnt leave. Or the sex that i said no to, but it happened anyway. There are so many more times and im just one girl…. Atleast ive learnt to fight back. As if that’s a lesson i needed to know. Or at my new home where my landlord is trying to bully me out of staying, inspite of the payment upfront, just because i am a petite foreign woman. Lord knows if i was from here…. Or if i was a man…. It just wouldnt happen. Why do i always have to be made stronger. Stronger for what. I think in a world where we didnt need protection from men, i dont know that id have a lot to do with them. I can count on one finger the man i know who isnt sexist. Inspite of how hard i work and my designation as managing director in manufacturing in Nigeria (which by the way is no small feat), there is the expectation that someone else must be making the decisions, and one day i will marry so i cant really have any longterm plan at work. the reality of being shouted at by my second in command – something that would not happen to a man, being told i need to handle him better… And of course which man accepts that i just do not want children. Because i was a great dog mumma, its not the same thing. Either the men i know are bullisome, or outright sexist with open remarks like “you dont need to work”, certainly they always think they know better. atleast in my experience. And yes of course we fight back, but it’s perpetual and it’s daily and it’s exhausting- for how long!!! and to be left angry. And doubting my own skills and competence. Where does it end…..!!?
A male colleague gave me a lift back to the station after work. Nothing happened. But when I got home I had messages on our work teams saying how sexy I was and how great I looked in my dress. He then went on to tell me what he would like to do to me. I asked him to stop. And he did, after some time. I never reported him.
I’m a delivery driver for Evri. Last year i walked into my local pub to deliver to the owner it was midday in December so the pub was full of drunk middle-aged men. As i was weaving through to the bar one man shouts out to me focusing every mans attention onto me. He proceeded to whistle at me and then tell me that i’ve made his pants wet, the pub exploded into a bellow of laughter i felt even smaller then i did already going into the pub. Then they all joined in telling me how much they’d like to do things to a little girl like me. – i refuse to deliver to any pubs now and haven’t stepped back into that pub since. A few weeks later i delivered to that same man at his own home he opened the door with his wife and instantly his face turned pale. I wish i told her what a fucking creep her husband is. But that’s not her responsibility. I go to hundreds of houses a week but i remember him and i remember his address maybe if i write it here i’ll feel better and i won’t send a letter instead but god would i love to.
I’m so tired of walking down the street and being cat called or having men follow me shouting things after me. I’m tired of having to fight harder than my husband when I walk the dogs alone because if he has reactive dogs he’s trying his best but I’m just a bad dog owner. I’m tired of men bullying their way through life and being allowed to get away with it. I’m tired of feeling unsafe walking home at night. I’m tired of feeling unsafe walking alone during the day if I don’t have a dog or my husband with me. I’m tired of being treated differently when my husband is there versus when he’s not. I’m tired of men directing their technical information to my husband like my brain is too small to comprehend it. I’m tired of having to make myself smaller so I’m more palatable. I’m tired of always having to push to be treated in even the same ballpark as men. I’m tired of all the micro aggressions I experience on a daily basis that I don’t even register anymore. I’m tired of having to pitch against agencies run by men who are worse at what they do but get more work because they’re men. I’m tired of just fucking existing in a society that wants me to shut up and put up.
I was talking to my male colleague who has become a first time dad. His daughter is almost 3 weeks old, and yesterday he called her a fickle bitch for not drinking the same amount of milk at each feed. The derogatory names for females starts so young 🙁
A male colleague at my workplace kept calling me pet names, such as “babe”. I asked him to stop but he carried on. He also asked me for a picture when I went to yoga and was asking me to message him outside of work. When I reported this to my employers, they did nothing and passed it off as “banter”.
I’m quite fond of talking about my interests wether I be litriture, poetry, certain thing that are going on in the word ect. Despite the fact before discussing stuff I do like to fact cheak and make sure my information is correct I’m always told that I dont know what im on about and spoken down to in a way by my uncle and primarly other men in my life. For example when I’m discussing politics ect my uncle will always insist speak to me in a way that puts me bellow him. I can’t describe it but it’s like the tone or the words he uses and then he insists im wrong no matter what it is only to later say my exact point back to me. Its infuriating. This happens with male friends and male colleagues too. But when I mention it i get told im just a crazy feminist who’s picking reasons to be annoyed.
My male supervisor (much taller and stronger than me) unhappy with me asking questions backed me into a corner pressing his body onto mine and stared at me, for several minutes. A male co-worker witnessed this and laughed it off.
Have constantly been overlooked in various work situations and in different industries, due to childcare/being a mother. Despite being told by managers that I was competent enough to do higher roles, the fact that I was unable to meet 40+ hours a week meant I was not considered for progression and treated as a part timer despite working 36 hours a week and being very reliable. Job-share has never been offered to me. I find this lack of consideration for working mothers, resulting in lack of progression, particularly infuriating! What’s more, 2 other previous managers have tried to take advantage of me, trying to kiss me or take a fondle of my breasts after staff drinks nights, one of those men would slap my bum when I was in the office with him alone. I felt unable to take this matter up with my employer as the two of them had been pals for years, and the mans wife and adult daughter also worked for company and I feared my work life would be made very difficult and I would be disbelieved.