In college, a group of boys who I was seated with in class thought it was amusing to discuss how I would get f*cked by a man twice my size. The in’s and out of how it would happen and what this man would do to my body. I tried to play it off and move the conversation on because I felt uncomfortable. I felt so violated, that they could speak about my body that way and they did so with laughter. I wish I had expressed how that conversation felt in that moment to them but I didn’t and that regret haunts me to this day. 6 years later and I still think about every word they said. It’s sad to know that my body may never feel like my own in the presence of boys and men.
I’m an engineering student and I’m in a group with 3 guys on a design project, and I feel like I haven’t done anything because anytime I try they talk over me or ignore me. They don’t even ask me to do anything. Clearly they don’t trust me, and honestly I don’t trust myself.
I’m a girl and I play a co-ed sport and the guys on my team never pass the ball to me.
I’ve had far too many encounters with everyday sexism as have most of the females in my life. I don’t tend to talk about them to most people. But I feel like it’s important to spread awareness so I’m gonna share a handful of those instances here. 1. One night at the age of 17 one of my mum’s older friend’s was staying over after a night out. He came into the kitchen drunk and started asking me if I liked older men. He then grabbed me and pulled my top and bra up and kissed my body as I was trying to push him away with all my strength and telling him to stop. Thankfully he did stop. 2. The guy at a party who thought it was ok when everyone else fell asleep to get his dick out on the staircase and force my head towards it in attempt to get me to suck it! At the time I felt like it was my fault cause I’d flirted and kissed him but didn’t want to go further. I told him to let me go again and again and he’d let me go and tell me I could leave then pull me back whenever I tried to until he realised I wasn’t gonna give in. 3. All the customers that groped/slapped me when I used to work in bars. And follow me around all night trying to convince me to go home with them. When I was working in a cafe one tried to follow me home a few times and harassed me for my number. 4. The man in the park who called me his angel, tried to convince me to come home with him and when I tried to walk away, grabbed my arm and tried to stop me. 5. That guy in school who pushed me into the wall and pressed himself against me while all his male friends laughed. I was so humiliated. 6. The older men that would catcall me and my friends from the age of 13 while walking to/from school in our uniforms. 7. The old male teacher who thought it was acceptable to put his arms round me from behind while helping me with a project and saying he loves an excuse for a hug. And also grabbed me by the collar in class ‘jokingly’ for being slightly late. 8. That time I was in Lidl and a man started following me, staring blatantly at me then started following me down the road. I had to lose him by moving to a busy street. Then that older man (I was about 16) that followed me towards my home from school harassing me for my number till I gave him it to get rid of him. He tested it to check if it was fake so I gave him my real one. 9. The time I got drunk and went back to a close friend’s house with a few of his friends. Blacked out and must have went to sleep on the couch and woke up being raped from behind. I couldn’t even see who it was though I’m pretty sure I know who. It still gives me the fear that it could have been my friend and I’ll never know and never told anyone except a few close friends. The guy I think it was has a wife… Anyway that’s a lot more than I planned to write! I hope men realise this is a just glimpse of most females daily lives and a lot of us don’t like to talk about it for fear of sounding bitter/bringing up bad memories/making a big deal out of things etc.
This is something that happened to one of my best friends (she’s 17). She’d just started an Applied Sciences course at college and she was the only girl in a class of 25. One of the guys who was in his early 20s came up to her on the first day and told her the only reason she got to do the course was because the lecturer was a man and that he must have felt sorry for her. When she asked why that was “the only reason” he said “Girls are too dumb to do science”.
I was in class today and was half ranting about how I was never going to have kids. I was talking to my friends who were doing some future hand-reading game. “I’ll never want kids.” As I said that, I heard someone scoff so I looked over and saw a male class mate looking at me with an… angry? Stern? Confused? Face and he said, “You ARE going to have kids.” And then he went back to his work. He didn’t even pull one of the cliche lines like “Oh, you’ll come around.” Or “You’ll change your mind.” Just a cold stare and a condescending voice. Well, I calmed myself down because I knew he was wrong. I’m asexual, and I don’t want kids. Even in our family unit, where we learned how to raise a family and such, they noted that kids cost you money, your emotional health, and your physical health. Yea, sorry bud, but I don’t have any reason to have kids.
It happened on a school bus. I was a freshman in college and this older boy who was drunk sat next to me. He told me that I was hot but being gay, I had no sexual interest in him. However, I couldn’t vocalize my sexuality because I was deeply closeted. He started to touch me and get closer and I wanted him to stop. I just froze. I couldn’t speak, move, or do anything. Finally when the bus ride ended I ran off and my “friend” told me that I wanted it and that I should just get over it. My “friend” watched me get sexually assaulted and she told me that I wanted it. Today a new friend told me how she is friends with the man who assaulted me and asked me what I thought of him. I hate that even though this was two years ago it still makes me uneasy when his name is brought up. I don’t like the darkness he brought into my life even if he didn’t remember it.
A couple of years ago at college, I took a course in music technology to try and learn a little more about the career path I wanted to take. Here’s a few things that happened while I was there. By the way, this is all completely true, as unbelievable as it is. It still amazes me. I was the only female on a course of 32 guys. One of the only friends I made on my course was a guy called Jeff, who took a strong shine to me from the start, and looked after me. I fell head over heels for him and got with him, only to overhear that he’d won a bet by sleeping with me. I then overheard him go into crude detail of our night to his friends. We were put into groups of five or six, told to form a band together, and assign each person with a role (drummer, guitarist, producer, etc) so we could compose a song together, then write an essay on our roles. At the time, I only played keys, and my fellow group members wanted to make a heavy metal band. I was told by my group members that there was ‘no need for me’, as a keys player. They assigned me a role as a tea lady. Yes, a tea lady. I had to write an entire essay about making cups of tea for the band, and tidying up wires. The tutor took zero responsibility for the blatant shit I was experiencing. We had to do work experience at a local venue, micing up and setting equipment up, etc. I was repeatedly told by the staff working there that it’s ‘not a woman’s job’ (they actually said this to my face), and that it was ‘pointless me being here’ as everything was too heavy for me. At one point, while I was on my hands and knees setting a bass mic up, a band member approached me and asked if I was the ‘fluffer’, I ended up quitting the two year course after the first year. People treated it like I had wasted this amazing opportunity and heavily criticised me for it, even after I told them about the constant bullying and sexist abuse I was experiencing. To this day, I still hear about how I ‘dropped out of college, what a shame’ etc, even though it was five years ago. Oh and as for Jeff, well on my last day I entered the practice area on a break and emptied his entire bottle of lucozade all over his bag of coursework. I also took his ipod. Oh well
“IMPORTANT From today onwards The wardens have strictly prohibited short clothes. So please wear clothes at least till right above your knees or longer than that! Please do not walk outside GB in short clothes. You won’t be allowed to walk outside the gate, and you won’t be allowed to walk in at night, with short clothes.” This was the message circulated to undergraduate women of NITK. No such warnings/messages were issued/circulated to the undergraduate men.
I was in my college psychology class and my one professor liked to try and figure out what would bother his students the most. I purposely kept myself guarded around him. He took different approaches, but the one I remember the most is that I was asking questions about the material, digging pretty deep into the theories, and after I asked a question he let out a low whistle, looked at me, and replied with: “Wow. You’re going to be a downright terrible wife. Asking questions like that? No man in their right mind would ever want to put up with a woman like you.” Everyone laughed. Including me. I used this as a funny anecdote for years, but I now look back and realize that this was a horrifically sexist thing for him to say to me.