Tag Archives: dating

Maria

I was dating a guy I met online, he is from North America and I’m orginally from South America. He had ways of approaching that at times were sexists and inappropriate, but always covered by some sort of “dark humor”, so I didn’t pay much attention to it, also since they were almost always within certain sexual or flirtatious context I convince myself to don’t take them so seriously. But now we stopped seeing each other about 6 months ago, occasionally chatting over internet, and last night in the middle of a normal conversation over internet, he said to me “you’d look hot with a dress showing off that full latina bum”. I felt so small, so insignificant, just reduced to a stereotype that does not belong to me. Such a small phrase made me rethink and review the months we were together. I’ve fight against the macho culture, all my life. But I never felt objectify by someone I was actually dating. And now I feel guilty and as it is my fault for allowing him to treat me that way from the very begging.

A.

idk how to write some of these things that bother me. i am 24,so i had this boyfriend when i was 19-23. He must have been kind and all that at the beginning, though I remember very little of that. i got a vaginal infection after the first few days of sex with him. i dont think that it ever resolved tbh, it still bothers me. but months later after the initial infection, i was horny, and i begun doing anal with him. ther is this day that i said no, it hurts, stop. But he did not stop. instead he said that I would get used to it. IDK..I was shocked, so I pushed him off, you know..it was valentines, i dont like valentines anymore. i often wonder, however, why i forgave him. isnt it rape? He told me that he was enjoying it much, that that is why he never heard me say no. Is that even a thing?You enjoy yourself good, dont even know the other person is saying stop.But yet, you can form a reply,about getting used to it. then this guy never really was concerned with my health. He did not even google my illness. But he only took me to hospital when I asked him to. He did not offer, no. Whatsapp with that? Ik he would have taken his close male friends to hospitaal if they were sick. He disgust me, makes me worry I have more than just a vaginal infection. sometimes writing this may not help, you know, people-I need someone to listen and comment accordingly. but I understand, and am not hating on this site,i just hurt I think. coz I know it is because he was a man that this happened..like girls, even strangers may not jam anyting in your ass and tell you, that you will get used to it.

Jo

One thing I’ve noticed when I’ve brought a guy back to my place for the first time is how they will go through my stuff, particularly feminine stuff such as makeup, and sneer at it derisively. I also happen to have a large collection of books and technical equipment such as Arduino, but they completely ignore that and instead look to belittle me for ‘spending so much on makeup’ (I don’t, I always buy the cheapest products as I don’t believe in ploughing my feminist dollar into the cosmetics industry, but even if I did that would be none of their business). It seems like these kinds of men who hate women for being so ‘shallow’ are the same ones who will rate women out of ten for their appearance – hypocritical much?

Rachel

One night I slept with a guy I had been dating for about 7 months, the next morning I found the condom I had given him clearly unused on the floor by the bed. When I asked him about it he said he had started putting it on but was having a little trouble and just decided to forget about it. He acted all incredulous when I got angry about the fact he didn’t bother to ask me first and that I had obviously handed the condom to him because I expected him to wear it! He continued to maintain that I was overreacting even when I explained that if I hadn’t found it on the floor I would never have realised and ran the risk of getting pregnant. When I asked if he’d ever done that to me before and the hesitation before he denied it didn’t fill me with confidence. I never saw him again after that.

Nora

I’ve just been reading some “tinder horror stories”, and so far most of them have been from the persepective of men dating/hooking up w women. I’ve gotten the overall impression that it’s quite common for guys to be expecting sex or some sort of sexual favor from a girl on the grounds that “she suggested we should go to her place for some pizza/boardgames/wine so I was SURE I was getting laid!” The “horror story” often ends with the guy citing with bitter hostility and resentment that they ACTUALLY only played board games/ate pizza/drank wine (the horror! Why would one want to do such a thing with another human being??) and poor thing ended up going home with “blue balls”. Or it ends with the guy having the sex he seems to feel he is owed against all odds, in an apartment full of cat piss, at an inconvenient hour, or even with someone they don’t find attractive in person, because it’s “free pussy”. Moreover, what struck me as well were the stories when the woman turned out not to be as attractive in person as the guy had thought, and he took that as some sort of insult to him personally, but nonetheless, HAD THE SEX ANYWAY! And what stuck with me, in one of the stories, one guy mentioned that after he had been the poor victim of his hookup date not being attractive enough for him, he went ahead, had sex w her anyway, and “finished in 30 seconds, not something I’d normally do, but at least it was over.” Yeah. It’s 2019, and sex is over with the male orgasm. What exactly do you think she gained from this encounter, dude? “Oh, great, I’m still attractive enough to be used like an object and then thrown away! Yay!” Come on man. If you DO decide to fuck someone, you should at least make sure they enjoy it too. Don’t get me wrong, I like casual sex. But I still want to be treated like a human being, not an object that owes someone a service. What really, truly hurts is the bitter resentment I feel oozing from these stories (and from some of my own experiences as well). The HATRED that applies to all women who seemingly promise sex, then don’t follow through, or have the audacity not to be as beautiful as the porn stars you masturbate to. I am horrified that such a beautiful thing as sex can be demeaned to such a disgusting level.

Emily

I was called paranoid when my date saw that I had my laptop webcam covered, and the sentiment stated even though I told him the story of how a former friend hacked webcams and threatened to leak nudes.

Cass

I am planning to shave all my hair off to celebrate graduating high school this year. I have stopped even mentioning it because, no matter the context or group, someone always has to say that short hair is ugly on girls, that I might look too masculine or worst of all: no-one will date you if you look like a guy. These comments will not change my mind, it just annoys me that my hair should only be in a style that will get guys to date me.

Jaclyn

When I was eighteen, I managed the front desk of a yoga studio. As the studio catered primarily to women, I was pleasantly surprised to see a man begin to attend the classes. When he scanned into class, his personal information popped up on the screen, so I could see that he was eight years older than I was at the time. One day, he came out of class and asked how old I was. When I told him that I was eighteen, he said, “Oh my god!” and asked for my number so that we could “go on a date some time”. I was flattered, and I gave him my cell phone number. A few days later, we attended a 6:15 AM yoga class together, and I wore leggings and a workout shirt. He told me, “Next time, you should probably wear shorter shorts”. When I told him that I wore what I was comfortable in, he rolled his eyes at me. I was reluctant to go out with him again, but it was a particularly hot day in summer, and he invited me to a “pool party” that ended up just being him and me. He kept pressuring me to take my top off. When I told him I had to stay out of the water because my mom was ill (ALS) and I had to make sure I heard the phone if it rung, he called me a priss and asked me to leave.

Elinor

I met a guy 33-35 on Tinder. I have him my number to arrange what he suggested as get to know you over a glass of wine. Since he had my number, he began sexually harassing me by phone and sending me really inappropriate texts and explicit pictures of his aroused genitals. I reported him to Tinder. He needs to realise there is a real person at the end of this and that it’s not acceptable to sexually push yourself on a woman when they have clearly stated what they are looking for which is not hooking up and their intention is wanting to get to know someone and develop trust. Previously I have met some great guys on Tinder, never who’ve been anywhere near as rude and inappropriate as this. That’s why I know it’s wrong. What would a guy’s employer say if they knew they were being explicit like this to a woman and sending unwanted pictures of sexual arousal to them with explicit language? I told him if he sent me another picture I would call the police and report him. I can see online there have been cases such as this. I have never had these issues before as a frequent user and am so angry. Why is this ok?? Considering so much is online gear days, I think apps like Tinder should be leading the way in setting guidelines for conduct and letting men know that this is completely inappropriate and actually offensive to forcefully send pictures of erections or sexual activity to female users. In an office, if a man got his penis out like this in front of me or even said some of the stuff he said it would be classed as harassment. When I made a thing of his behaviour and called him out on it, he said it was my fault for being on the app and clearly I had no idea what it was for. As he’s the only guy that’s done this, I think he is obviously in the wrong. Also, that there is an urgent need for conduct like that is to be challenged and changed.

Dating

Been dating a woman for about 2 months, not once has she even pretended to offer to pay for her half. I’m sick of it – she earns more than I do yet I’m always out of pocket. I’ve had this before and I had to say goodbye as I’m not a walking ATM! Why do woman think their time is worth more than mine, what happened to equality? Why do I have to effectually compensate her for her time by providing money?