I was sexually assaulted by a friend in high school. We were all drinking in my friend’s house. I was sleepy and myself a girl friend and my male friend were all sitting on a couch watching TV. There were several other people in the room, both male and female. I said I was a little too drunk and wanted to go to sleep. My male friend asked me if I wanted him to show me to the bedroom. I said, yes, that I wanted to sleep for a bit (it was late evening but not yet night). Several people began jeering and whistling when he said that which I found embarrassing. I trusted my friend. His girlfriend was a close friend of mine and I always thought of him as very kind and trustworthy. He led me upstairs and showed me the spare bedroom. I lay down and heard him walk out… well I thought he walked out. He walked to the door, and shut it then joined me in bed. I was immediately afraid and confused and embarrassed. I shut my eyes and acted like I was incredulous to him laying there. Maybe if he thought I had already gone to sleep he would just leave the room…. He started trying to ‘rouse me awake. I shrugged him off and told him I was tired and just wanted to be left alone. He put his hand up my shirt. I pushed his hand away and asked him to ‘please just stop’. He got angry. Kept grabbing me, putting his hand down my pants, up my shirt and grabbing my hand putting on his crotch. He got on top of me and began trying to remove my clothes. Telling me , ” Don’t worry… I know you want to do this.” I didn’t . I just kept asking him to stop. He would vacillate between anger and gently persuasion . I tried to role into the fetal position and just asked him over and over to leave me alone. I was so embarrassed, anxious and admittedly afraid. I was also incredibly confused and hurt. I really enjoyed being his friend. I valued my friendship with his girlfriend and I was only just beginning to date one of our own mutual friends. He eventually , frustrated with my behavior, masturbated onto me while I lay in the bed asking him to stop, then left the room and joined the party. I was too humiliated to leave the room but too afraid to stay there. I waited until the party died down and called my friend to come get me. My shirt strap was torn, I had scratches and bruises on my chest and I was very upset. I went to her house and showered and bought clothes. She was very sympathetic but advised me not to tell anyone. That decision was made for me. The next day I went to our local coffee shop to meet with our friends . I hoped he wouldn’t be there. He was. I begged my friend not to confront him. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know what to say or how I felt about everything yet. She was mad so she questioned his behavior. In front of everyone I cared about, everyone who’s friendship I relied on soo much at that time he took a large rock and smashed it into his face. Bleeding and yelling loudly. Everyone went to him asking him to stop, to calm down, comforting him. They told him ‘ he was drunk, I’m sure nothing like that happend’. ” we all saw MaKenzie flirting with you, I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.” They hugged him, they comforted him, they asked me to come over and tell him I wasn’t mad, that it was all a mistake… to APOLOGIZE TO HIM. And… I did. I apologized. I asked him to allow us all to remain friends. I asked everyone else to just stop bringing it up, to go back to before. Not to ‘make a big deal out of it”. I honestly believe part of my personality died that day. I still see him. I am married with a child and another on the way. More than 10 years has gone by and I still get physically ill to hear his name. To see him at social gatherings. To accept his hugs or Christmas cards. I am so disappointed in myself.
