misogyny

Erin Doushet

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Everyday at school I’m subject to rude looks by boys. That’s because they claim I have “big tits.” Furthermore, ever since Trump won the presidency, they keep on telling me they want to “grab me by the pussy.” I must admit, my breasts are quite large, but boys have no right to catcall me in such a degrading manner. I mean, who would they feel if I said I’d “grab them by the dick.” That’s why the world must come together to end the horrible misogynistic, sexist, and racist society that has plagued our downhill country today.

Tria

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Another intersection of sexism and ableism… and ageism, too, really. I was out doing some grocery shopping in Lidl a couple of weeks ago, in the electric wheelchair I use, and I lifted up a mid-weight medicine cabinet I wanted to buy and propped it over my lap, on the side of my chair, without any real difficulty. I took it to the till queue, and when I moved to lift it and set it down on the conveyor belt, a man I’d never seen before in my life came up behind me and decided to “help” me with it — never asked, never even spoke to me before he did it — and he grabbed the box out of my arms, and by yanking the weight out of my grasp, he dislocated my shoulder in the process. On top of that, if you can believe it, he then got angry at me for calling him out on his behaviour (even though I did it politely) and pointing out that if he hadn’t “helped”, I would not have been injured – *and* he refused to help me relocate my shoulder (a woman of about my age a bit further back in the queue helped me put it back). I am fucking fed up of being treated like I couldn’t possibly ever handle anything by myself just because I happen to be (a) young, (b) a woman, and (c) a wheelchair user! This kind of crap happens far too often, and it’s nearly always men who do it. That said, however, I have neither forgotten nor overlooked a *delightful* incident from a couple of months ago: In that particular instance, a woman about a generation older than I am decided that she was going to “help” me get off a bus, all along talking at the top of her voice and half the time in third person, to show everybody else on the bus how she’s soooo charitable and a better person than they are, helping this poor disabled girl (that was the way she was acting, and it was frankly humiliating)… So I said to her, “Look, thank you for the offer, but really, I’m fine, I can manage without help.” She ignored me at first and went down to speak to the driver, again at the top of her voice so the whole bus could hear, even though I’d already pressed the buzzer to let him know I needed the ramp to be put down at the next stop, so she didn’t need to talk to him at all. I said it again, and a little more forcefully because by then she was actually getting in my way when I was trying to turn my chair around, and next thing I know, she’s effing and blinding all over the place, calling me all the disgusting names under the sun, with ableist insults, ageist crap and some equally nasty misogynistic epithets no woman ought ever to use to another… and all I’m doing is just trying to get off the damn bus and go home, and she’s shouting swear-words at me at the top of her voice… eventually I just yelled back “Oh, fuck off and grow up!” when I was finally off the bus, quietly apologising to the bus driver for the scene – and she had thoroughly triggered my PTSD by then. The closest comparison to that incident with a man? Well, that was also on a bus, but it actually began with him physically assaulting me, after which he went off on a similar verbally abusive rant – but he wasn’t even pretending to try to help me. Just loud, misogynistic, ableist, ageist verbal abuse all over again. I posted that incident on ES shortly after it happened, in 2012. I am so very tired of people who think they have a right to “help” me against my will, almost always without asking, and are not being helpful at ALL. Every single time someone has done that I have ended up with either a physical injury or a damaged wheelchair. And eight times out of ten it has been a man who has tried it. I am just so tired of it all.

Laura

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I was out for a run this evening, enjoying the warm sunny weather. I am training for a marathon so I’m out running most evenings and I have met plenty of pleasant people. Unfortunately this evening I was passed by two ignorant men in a red transit van who beeped the horn at me as I was waiting to cross the road. One of them shouted “GIVE US A SMILE SEXY”. All I could do was gesture at them but they couldn’t meet my eye. Why do some men think this is acceptable or entertaining? I was so angry because I am working hard to achieve something and yet because I am a woman I was made to feel self-conscious and even slightly ashamed of my body.

Oliver*

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In a GAME store, I asked for Fallout 4, the cashier guessed I was *AFAB muttered some drivel about women and the Sims and then refused to serve me.

Emma

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I’m one of seven kids in ireland. 5 girls and 2 boys. My father and mother told us that the boys would be sent to university and the girls to secretarial school if anything. If we didn’t want that, we got nothing. Because we were in waiting to get married and not work again. We were to marry well. That was our career. My brothers got a free flat owned by dad until they could afford to buy their own. The girls got nothing. The boys have managed my parents’ money since their late 20’s and the girls are not allowed to know about finances. My brothers are totally on board with that. And are both married to very successful women who make as much money or more than them. But when it comes to their sisters we are patronised, lied to and excluded – with their pleasure. My dad was violent. Now my eldest brother abuses his wife and 2 daughters. He speaks to them in a horrible demeaning way and uses his belt on his least favourite girl. No one will stand up to him. I’m not allowed to see his girls any more. He avoids me as much as possible because I call him on his behaviour. But I get no support from my sisters or family as this level of misogyny is so ingrained in our family that I’m the trouble maker for speaking out. I’m in my 40’s. And so the abuse has been passed to the next generation and we as a family have done nothing meaningful to stop it. I feel ashamed and so sad and angry

L N.Ireland

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I once thought that the strong older women in one part of my family, who’s above average height and shoe size I shared, were the head of a confident matriarchy and that one day I would step into their above average shoes. Now as a 27 year old woman, and having become my grandmother’s primary carer as her mental health declines and her forgetfulness becomes dangerous, I realise that this matriarchy is actually the product of my family’s misogyny. The women ‘take charge’ because the men won’t. I don’t want to sound like a martyr, I am happy that I am in a position where I can support and help my grandmother – I don’t want a f*cking medal, but a little acknowledgement would make a world of difference. But they see that it’s just my ‘place’ to do all these things, my granny had two sons; my mum and dad are divorced, as are my uncle and his wife, I am the next oldest female – so of course it is my place to step up. When I told my great aunt that I was struggling between work and organising my grandmother’s permanent care, fixing her house so it’s safe and attending all her medical appointments with her and that I hadn’t even heard from my dad in weeks she told me that “Men are just different” “They don’t see the things we do” – ie they don’t have to do the things we do. They can do as they please without consequence; They can waste time money and relationships They can be unreliable, un-trying, uninterested because ‘that’s just how he is’ Yet they’ll still be praised! “Your father!” I hear on a weekly basis, the ‘matriarch’s’ aging eyes welling up with pride at the man who barely sees her “he’s so good” ‘To whom?’ I feel like asking, because I’m the one looking out for and after everyone, working full time in a successful job, paying a mortgage, trying my bloody hardest – but then that’s my place isn’t it? That career is only a placeholder until I grant my husband children, something to busy myself with…. My dad came to my house to ‘have a talk’ with me the other night, I thought that maybe he realised what I am doing, that I need help or at least that he should acknowledge the effort. But he wanted to talk about my brother and how he wanted him to get a job (he’s never had to) and a girlfriend (“so he’s not frustrated”!!). He said “I’d love to be able to say that ‘yeah, my son’s a bricklayer’ or ‘aye he’s doing well, he’s a gardener’ you know?!” I did know, but I didn’t know what to say. I guarantee you my dad couldn’t tell you what company I work for (despite it being one of the Big 4) or what my job is (I’ve been here 4 years) or even what my degree is in. He isnt proud of me, or if he is he’s never told me. It doesn’t matter how successful I am, how hardworking, how thoughtful and kind. One thing this whole heartbreak has done for me is make me appreciate the one reliable, honest and caring man I do know – my husband, i’m very lucky

Tarry

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My ex was known to routinely spout the nonsense thought that “women. They only want men to live off their money instead of earning their own. You can’t trust any of them and relationships are a waste of time”. This coming from a man who had no experience at all of being in a relationship prior to me and who, when we were in a relationship, sponged off me financially for most of his expenses while throwing a hissy fit any time I so much as asked him to pick me up a 99c can of coke from the shop using his own money. Any money he DID have came from his parents or government grants, while I worked at an actual job for mine. This hypocrisy in mind, one of his favourite topics to rant about was how all women are inherently incapable of being logical.

Relar

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Today I found out about a so called spanish youtuber, by the name of Alvaro Reyes who teaches men to sexually assault women in his channel. He calls it flirting, but he also has the opinion that a woman saying no to his unwanted advances, is just a pre-stage of her saying yes, so he teaches to keep on pushing women until they open to him. Gross. I found a change petition to YouTube to dasactivate his channel. I hope they do.

BW

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I work in the media industry as a Producer. My male colleague and I work as a team across the account for one of our biggest clients. We split the projects equally but we both remain copied on all correspondence for all projects – if I’m leading on a project, my colleague will be copied on all emails in case something needs to be covered in my absence and vice versa. Time and time again we have communicated with this client that there will always be a lead contact on each project but we are both across everything, to ensure they feel like their account is well covered and looked after. I fulfill exactly the same job role as my male colleague. Frequently, male marketing managers (yes, more than just one) will email my male colleague directly, without copying me, on a project that I am leading on. This week alone I have three examples from two different marketing managers who have emailed my colleague instead of me, asking for something to be supplied or confirming important details on a project I am running. In one of these instances I had been on copy with one of these marketing managers minutes before discussing the same project, yet when he wanted to email us to confirm on something that needed to be implemented, I was left off copy and it was addressed directly to my male colleague. In the same week, a different marketing manager (same client/company) emailed my colleague to ask for something. I was then copied in by my colleague and I supplied what was needed. The next day the same person again emailed my colleague directly to ask for something else on the same project. Again, I was copied in to confirm. It has occurred to me this week that because I am being copied in to supply what is needed, I am now convinced that these marketing managers have assumed I am my colleague’s assistant, as opposed to considering that I am being copied because I am the one with the necessary knowledge. This is despite the fact that I have worked closely with one of these marketing managers on delivering one of their biggest projects of 2015. I have been in a room with my male colleague and one of these marketing managers has walked in, walked straight past me without even acknowledging me, and headed straight to my colleague, hand outstretched, greeting him with ‘hey buddy’. I have been at the company for two years and at first this behaviour was very annoying but it is now just completely insulting. I work incredibly hard and have delivered some of the biggest projects for this client during this period. It makes me furious to be constantly overlooked by this client who either doesn’t even know me well enough after two years to be able to bring my name to mind when starting a new email chain, or just doesn’t trust me enough to come to me with important details – despite the fact that I have proved myself time and time again and am very capable of doing anything he comes to us for. This week I have told my colleague that I am sick of it and it is not enough for him to be copying me, he needs to explain that he is copying me because I am running the project in question.

M

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i went to a bar with friends i got drunk so I didn’t relaly know what was happenin then next thing you know i wake up with an older mans semen in me. what do you know?