Online

anon, 37

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I’ve always liked sports but online I always find myself reminded that I’m female and therefore not really included or ever truly respected in the sports culture. Boxing in particular recently reminded me of this. I like watching some fights but when one of them loses the comment section always feminise the loser and call them a woman or a little girl or a bitch and I get so tired of having this machoistic nonsense ascribe the loser as automatically female by default of losing. Why is female such an insult? The idea that we are weaker is a message I am told over and over again and it is so annoying. How are we meant to ever feel valued as a gender when my gender is automatically synonymous with weaker and not being the best when it comes to sport. I get so fatigued with the male ego, even as a tomboy myself. Many ‘male’ traits are great and I get on with men pretty well on the whole but I can never forget that I’m female and therefore always seen as less strong than them biologically even with the nicest men because it’s been so battered into my mind in the way that boys talk about what they perceive as ‘weaker boys’. In our society macho men = the strongest, then ordinary men, then weaker or effeminate men and then women are always at the bottom of the pile of perceived strength. It’s so exhausting not to be allowed to just be a fucking human being and to not be judged just as such when being a woman. God I wish that men understood even a fraction of what it feels like to be devalued in that way just for being female.

Posting pics online is always a mistake

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When I was 13, young, innocent, I started using Reddit because there were communities for books I liked and shows I liked and hobbies I had and other than the rampant sexism it was fun. I loved scrolling through everything, having fun, talking to people in comments. One day, though, I stumbled across this subreddit called “teenamiugly”. Basically, people 13-18 would post selfies and other teens would tell them if they thought they were attractive. Now, boys’ posts didn’t get much attention, but girls’ posts would frequently get awards, tons of comments, compliments about anything and everything from their eyebrows to their cheekbones. I, being an insecure child looking desperately for validation and opinions on my appearance, posted a selfie. It was just me smiling into the camera, wearing a plaid shirt buttoned all the way up and a long-sleeved tee under it. I got, as expected, quite a few comments. Interestingly enough, most of the comments actually were innocent compliments from other girls. However, my dms were filled with a 50/50 split of lovebombing and “send nudes whore”. All of these men were 18 or older. Most were in their 30s, and my age was in the post title, they knew I was 13, and they did it all anyway. I got at least 10 unsolicited dick pics from that post alone. And then I made a terrible, terrible mistake. I replied to some of the messages that seemed nice (looking back now, they were definitely lovebombing. I have no idea how I didn’t realize what was going on). And I was groomed. At 13 and 14, I sent nudes to dozens of adult men, and I’m sure they’re still floating around somewhere, probably on cp websites. I never told anyone because I had internalized the idea that it was my fault, that I had goaded these men on with my selfies showing my face and approximately one square centimeter of neck. I’m still too ashamed to tell anyone in real life.

Becs

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I used a male dominated forum connected to the sport I love. A man has started his own personal hate campaign against me for no apparent reason. I don’t know who he is or why he is doing this to me. When I post, he gives his opinion on personal things in my life. He says I am worthless, my job is meaningless and basically follows me around belittling what I post and trying to make others believe that I’m selfish, uncaring etc. The forum owner refuses to do anything as the man is just expressing his opinions. I’ve been given the option of putting up with it or leaving the forum. It’s disgusting that women are expected to accept that being verbally attacked by a man is a normal experience that we have to put up with.

codename17i

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im a 13 year old girl from the UK and i play a few online video games and i enjoy this very much, socialising etc. but way too often people tell me to ‘go back to the kitchen’ and ‘cook them a sandwich’ i get the occasional ‘send nudes’ and if i reply then im a bitch, im a slut, im a whore. if im in arguments people have told me theyll rape me – all types of men, from a 10 year old sounding kid telling me to wash his dishes because im a girl to multiple male adults who think i sound like 17 so they can argue with me for context 90% percent of people have told me i sound fifteen but people still make disgusting remarks and often you come across a sexist who thinks theyre funny. this happens the odd few days. the worst someone has told me is that at my friends funeral (who is a boy) they will put my dead body in a corner and get people to rape me. the moderation in some games is bullshit so the guy who told me that is still online sometimes. even between people who are nice to me they pass off as a funny joke ‘woman go back to the kitchen make me a sandwich go clean show me ur tits.’ not funny at all? or when i would go to chatrooms online if the place is male dominated they would be creepy or sexist. they will ALWAYS treat me differently when they find out im a girl in games chatrooms everywhere online – automatically , im unfunny, bitchy, not behaving like a girl, often get the insult ‘youre probably flat’ from men who act like they have the hugest tits on the earth like, man shut up. if i get into an argument, my argument is always invalid and im not giving smart comebacks because im just being a girl im not funny or clever. but when a MAN says it, he is so funny and clever he is absolutely destroying this bitch. i have too many experiences to name but seriously, theres always those men who say ‘equal rights, equal fights’ ‘i can punch a woman’ equal rights when? the world is still PRETTY sexist for 2022. hope this changes soon.

Gemma

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I was looking for a vintage camera on eBay. I found a seller listing the model I was looking for so sent them a message asking how clear the viewfinder is. He responded by sending a photo of the camera and his penis. He pretended that he didn’t know he’d done it and ridiculed me when I confronted him.

A

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When I was about 14 years old I played a lot of online multiplayer games, and I met a guy there who I started ”dating” online. He was more interested in sex than other guys I had dated online before and so he kept nagging me for pictures of my breasts. I eventually gave in and sent him one but with a bra on. He continued to ask for me to remove it even though I told him no. I didn’t give in that time which I’m very happy about. Another thing that happened was that he wanted me to watch him masturbate (on cam). I said no at first several times but then just agreed and did it. I’m in my twenties now and I’ve never told anyone about this (until now). I don’t even think I realized that it was sexual harrassment even though I eventually agreed to it. Agreeing just because someone is nagging you to do something is not proper consent, and that took me a while to understand. I hope that someday I will feel comfortable and secure enough to tell someone I know about this because it really weighs you down to feel ashamed of this bad thing someone did to you that wasn’t your fault.

anonymous (for a friend)

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This happened to a friend, who is 14 female. She was on snapchat and a much older guy tried to hit on her, her girlfriend and herself start to call him out in the text messages. This also wasn’t the first time a older guy tried to hit on her since she had snapchat. (FYI to hit on someone is to flirt with them)

Maria

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A guy I studied with in school was talking to me online. I guess he was interested in me and I said something about not being very good looking when he said I have nice titties and that’s all that matters. I said I was creeped out and he said don’t be. I blocked him. I brought this up to my best friend later on and he was so uncomfortable about it and asked me to change the topic

Lydia

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Our school has a keyword system on the computers that cannot be overided where if you search or type any keywords such as “g*n” or anything else deemed innapropriate it won’t let you search or click on certain websites. I wouldn’t have a problem with this because I have no reason to search anything like that and it’s for our own saftey, however when I was searching for your book “Girl Up” it wouldn’t let me search because of “keywords”. I then typed “Girl Up by Laura Bates” and it was still a keyword that wouldn’t allow me to search. I removed everything I had typed other than the word “girl” and unsuprisingly that was the keyword. Infact me typing this submission right now has probably come up in the system. I then typed “boy up” and “boy” out of curiosity and “boy” isn’t a keyword. STOP OBJECTYFYING GIRLS JUST BECAUSE SOME DUMB TEENAGE BOYS MIGHT SEARCH THEM UP!!!!! And this is SCHOOL

ella

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Boys sometimes tell me to “shut up woman” and “get back to the kitchen and make me a toastie” and that “your opinion doesn’t matter because you’re a woman”. Everyone expects me to take it as a joke, and I know it isn’t a big deal but it really hurts. I’m only a teenager, and I kind of feel ashamed of my gender just because of what boys shout at me.