Tag Archives: rape

Desi

So now i am 20, but when i was 17 i had sex for the very first time. 5 months earlier i had my first kiss and boyfriend, i didn’t even want him to take of his shirt, because i wasn’t really ready for anything sexual and it felt akward. We were together for 2 months, so fast forward 5 months later i was out of the first relationship and liked another guy, with whom i started a relationship. On the second week of us beeing together we went on a hike with another friend. When the hike finished we droped of the friend, we were near my boyfriends house and he was driving the car. So my boyfrind said: -I will drive you home in 1 hour because then i have some work in the center of the city, i don’t want to drive 2 times to there. All of that made sence to me and he didn’t leave me any ather choice. I didn’t know where i was and how to get home by my own, so i said ok. We went to his house, his parents and his sister were there. He lived on the whole last flor of the house. So i sat on a chair infront of his computer, but he came to me, he picked me up from the chair and started kissing me. (I am noting that he knew i was a virgin and told me he will wait for me) I was ok because it was kissing, he was my boyfriend i foolishly trusted him, so he took me on the bed and i was ok at first, but then he started pulling my clothes of. I wasn’t comfortable and told him i don’t want to have sex and he was like: we won’t. He was touching me and i was like ok, he is 18, he had sex, i am his girlfriend, i felt like a prood. I felt that it was normal for him to want things from me. I was ok with the touching, but then he pulled his pants off and tried to put his penis inside of me. I pulled away and asked him: -What are you doing? He told me: -I am gust trying something. Then he proceeded to ask me at least 15-20 times if i wanted to have sex with him. I said: -no, NO, No, NO…no and again NO… He tried to pursuade me: -Come on we have gone so far, why not, why are you scared? At the end he said: -Ok, we will do it when you are ready. 1 minute later he held me down and proceeded to have sex with me and told me: -Are you sure you are a virgin i didn’t feel anything. At the same moment i was trying to get away. 2 seconds later he was sitting on top of me. He got closer to me and shuved his penis in my mouth, i almost cried and got away after a minute or two of strugling. I grabed my clothes and put them on. He had locked the door without me even nothising, his perents were on the first floor, in the yard there was a big dog (i am terified by big dogs). I felt trapped. He then stood up and was like: -I will drive you. And i let gim do it. I didn’t know how to get home by my own. He acted like everything was normal. He drove me home and when i was at my house he asked me in a message: -Is there blood? Do you hurt? I was histerical, i cried on the phone to my girlfriend, but i couldn’t bring myself to tell her what happened. I didn’t break up with him. You may ask why? I lost my virginity by him, if i broke up with him the assault would have been real. I would admit that i was raped. That way i convinced myself that: I had sex with my boyfriend, i was in a relationship, it was ok, it wasn’t a random guy, i was ready, but in fact it was the total opposite. We were togheter for 3 months until he decided he didn’t need me anymore. He cheated on me, he treated me like garbige, but i couldn’t help to leave him on my own.(i left the boy before him for telling me i needed a boob job, but i couldn’t bring myself to break up with him, eventhoug he also told me i needed one). After that i was alone for almost a year and a half. From then till now i am with my current boyfriend and he is great. I tried telling him, but he thinks i am exaturating, he asks me: -Why did you stay with him after what happened? He doesn’t understand it and i feel so alone in this. My boyfrind always wanted to be with a virgin girl and i was not. I had sex with the guy that assaulted me a total of 4 times. I did not have sexual relations with ather guys and when my boyfriend brings it up i feel like i am about to cry. He says he is always second in life. I feel like a used bag of trash.

Ashleigh

When my boyfriend of over seven years and I started dating, I was really gung-ho about having sex. I’d had sex once before and it was excruciating, but my partner at the time was really understanding. It was me who pushed for it despite the pain and the utter bloody mess I was afterward. With my current boyfriend, I was the first initiator, but I still couldn’t have sex without it hurting terribly bad. I’d fake orgasms so that I could end it without causing a fuss or making a scene. Within our first year of dating, I was pressured into having sex pretty much every time after the first few, and I just didn’t have the language to stand up for myself (I was 17-18). On two occasions, he pouted so much and just wouldn’t accept that I said no. We’re still together, and our relationship is a lot different. I’ve been able to speak up for myself more, and even though I still struggle with the pain, I’ve never felt like I had to give in to sex that I didn’t want. The problem is, I don’t know how to deal with what happened, particularly with those times I feel I was coerced. I’m still with the same man, and I love him deeply. I feel like I can’t talk about it. Like if it was a big enough deal, I wouldn’t still be with him. I am afraid of the judgement of my own character, like how could I stay or let this happen more than once? Further, I don’t even know how to talk to him about it. Will it just put a rift between us? Will it make me feel better?

when nobody helps

my boyfriend loved me, or i thought he did. we were together for a year and a half. my first relationship. he raped me more times than i can count. i told myself it wasn’t rape, that it was an accident, that he loved me – so it was fine. i sat on the feeling for months. things didn’t feel quite right anymore. he made a group of friends, and told them private sexual information about me without my permission, then asked to send explicit photos of me to the group. i told him no but the more i said no, the more upset he got. he kept trying to pressure me into a foursome with two of his friends – i didn’t know what to do or say, i tried to refuse but he’d cry and argue if i did. i didn’t know what to do. he invited me out for a meal with friends, i thought it would be a normal night – once we’d finished eating, some of his friends left, leaving him and myself alongside the two friends that he wanted me to ‘fuck.’ i was freezing cold, walking around in a jumper at 9pm in september. we walked around the town for a bit, my boyfriend kept grabbing me to the point where i felt claustrophobic, trying to be sexual but actually just frightening me. i agreed to go back to one of their houses just to hang out, i assumed we’d be talking or using our phones. when we got there, my boyfriend blocked off the area with chairs and cornered me on a sofa. he assaulted me, grabbing me and putting his hands under my clothes, not pulling his arm out from my underwear even when i was tugging on it. his friends watched, they did nothing to help me. he dragged me off to his friend’s bedroom and got me down on the bed. i was on my phone, repeatedly turning away and trying to make it clear that i didn’t want to do anything sexual. he tried to take off my jeans. it felt like a year until his friends came back in. they were trying to have sex on the bed next to us. i felt shaken and physically sick. we walked home, he grabbed my arm so hard that fingerprint shaped bruises appeared the following day, and kept asking me ‘why wouldn’t you let me touch you?’ i felt sick to my stomach from that night. the feeling of nausea, losing my appetite and vomiting didn’t stop until over a month after the attack. my boyfriend went out the following day to fuck another girl behind my back – the same girl who sat next to me and watched him assault me, doing nothing. i reached out to her and asked for help, not knowing what went on with her and him – she told me to fuck off. she wasn’t interested in what i had to say. my boyfriend broke up with me the following day so he could date her. and that was it. i have lost all my friends, respect, i can no longer leave the house and had to quit my job. i have been diagnosed with ptsd and can’t function normally. i’ve attempted suicide four times since the attack. i reported the assault to the police, but because of legal issues, they won’t allow me to access therapy. i see a therapist once every fortnight but am not allowed to discuss the assault. i want nothing more than to die. if you see something suspicious, please step in. i wish more than anything that someone would have helped me.

Human

My friend text me just over a week ago panicking – She didn’t tell me why straight away, but kept repeating that she “didnt mean to” and that her boyfriend “is going to hate [her]”. I found out the next day that she had been raped by her ex. He had randomly text her (knowing she has a boyfriend) asking her to meet him. She had debated for about an hour to go or not before going, and I dont know what happened until it happened. She kept telling him “no” and “I dont want to” and “stop it”, but he just said “I dont care” and “i love you”. Their relationship had been very manipulative, towards my friend, and she had sort of convinced herself that he was telling the truth. She told me that she “shouldnt have worn such a low cut top” and that she “must’ve looked like a slut” and how she thought it was her fault and that her boyfriend would hate her because she had “cheated”. I just kept telling her that it wasnt cheating cause she didnt want it, it wasnt her fault, hes a d*ck, etc… She still hasnt told her boyfriend because her mom told her that he would dump her if he found out. Her ex’s mom is a teacher in school, which doesnt help, and she keeps saying that she’s lying about it being rape because her son “wouldnt do that”. The police have said he probably wont get charged because he’s only 17 (she’s also 17), but I looked into it and he could get up to 8 years (because there was an aggravating factor) – they just cant be bothered to sort out another young girl. Her mom sent her to her dads, because it was too stressful for her, without even considering my friends feelings. I’m the only one that knows who isnt her family, the police, or her ex’s family. The main points from this are: – A girl was raped, but the police dont really care. – She is blaming it on what she wore, not the person, because of what others have said. – She wont tell her boyfriend because she thinks it was her fault. This isnt okay.

Cleo

Im a pretty smart girl. I get A’s in all my classes, especially math. So, I became a tutor at my high school. I love helping people. But, some things have happened during my time there are unacceptable. I will list them now. 1) I was helping this senior with calculus (I was a sophomore at the time) and he kept claiming that I was doing it wrong, and took over and so helpfully “explained” calculus to me. It’s important to mention that everything he said was completely wrong, and when I pointed this out to him, he claimed that I was just pissed cause someone proved that I was just like all the other dumb blondes. I never tutored him again and am smug to report that he didn’t graduate. He was one credit away. Calc. 2) This junior kept making sexual innuendoes throughout the lesson, even though I made it clear that I was lesbian. When the session was over, he grabbed my ass as I was leaving. I slapped him across the face and I almost got suspended for unprovoked assault. Unprovoked my Ass. 3) A sophomore attempted to rape me after a tutoring session 4) This douchey junior kept mansplaining the trigonometry to me, even though he was the one flunking trig. I know that a lot of these are just minor offenses, but still thought I’d share. Women, just so you know, high school tutoring involves a LOT of douchebag stoners who think they’re better than you because they have a dick and you don’t.

Cecile

I just saw a Ted-talk about everyday sexism and I realized how normal it is. I as a girl don’t even realize rape even if it’s just touching someone when they don’t want it. Last weekend I was on a birthday party of a friend of mine, me and my friends left to walk to the train station. We weren’t alone, there were a bunch of other guys who were leaving too. One guy I had talked to earlier was kind of drunk so I helped him to walk to the station. He was friends with a bunch of my friends and really nice. When we got to the train station and had to wait he just grabbed my butt. I told him to stop but he did it again, two or three times. Eventually the train came and I left him with his friends. The next school day I even told my friends about what had happened but they showed the same reaction as I did before. “hey, that’s normal, he was drunk, just get over it” I didn’t think about it any more because that’s just how it is and it’s a normal everyday thing. I’ve experienced it more than once when going to a club with my friends guys would just grab my butt but I wouldn’t really do much against it besides of telling them to stop because that’s “what girls have to expect when going to a club”. So I’m really thankful for seeing this YouTube video and being able to write about it here.

Annonymus

I’m 14 now, but this is a story I never shared with anyone, not wanting to cause tension or more sadness in my family. At about 12 years old and also when I was 13, last year. I remember almost being asleep in the night laying in bed, my father would come into my room and check if I was asleep. When he thought i was sleeping he would sit next to my bed and at first just gently touch my arm. His hands then went down to my crotch, during this I pretended to be asleep in fear of what would happen if I ” woke up”. He would touch my vagina and sometimes even fingered me. I never knew what to do so I igonred it. In fear i tried to deny it trying to convince myself i had just dreamt it. And it s not like my father is abad dad, he cares about me and my education and the rest of my family. And now I wish i had maybepushed him away or something for my friends have also been groped and I wish they had told me before because i cant believe how alone they must have felt until they cameforward but my thing wss a long time ago and i dont want to start something.

Rebecca

I was 16 and with my first boyfriend, who was experienced in the bedroom, unlike me. I wanted him to like me, and be brought up the topic of sex, and even though I said no, he proceded to forcefully have sex with me against my will. I’m 19 now, and I’m still dating him. I never told anyone that I lost my virginity to rape by my boyfriend.

Molly

When I was 14 I was desperate for friends and lonely and thought that if I had a boyfriend or was pretty then I might have friends but I wasn’t and I didn’t. So I did what every lonely gen z teenager does and tried to find friends online. I found some but I found many many more who just wanted to see my boobs or my ass. I also found a guy that, on a post I made about being depressed and alone, dm’ed me how he would feel me up in my sleep. I also found my self in 2 emotionally abusive relationships. One was with a guy old enough to be my dad who sent me videos of little girls dancing cause he got off to it and he wanted me to as well. He made me feel gross and disgusting and suicidal but I couldn’t leave him because he was the only one who talked to me. The other relationship was with a guy that would pretend to rape me and then cry about he would never do it again and he was so sorry and I didn’t leave because I had been conditioned to go along with what other suggested and never say no. Another guy who was 18 told me he loved me but only texted me when he was horny or occasionally when I injured myself. I still feel sorry for the fact that I might have hurt them when I left and I’m still terrified that I might actually be the type of girl these guys wanted. A desperate slut that does get to say no and ok with being abused so she’s not alone because for a while that’s what I was. I still haven’t found the courage to report the pedophile because I’m afraid my parents will be ashamed and blame me and I feel guilty because by not reporting him I’m enabling his continued abuse.

med student

Things healthcare professionals asked me after I was raped at age 16: – If I had been drinking – If he “jumped from the bushes” (direct quote) – What I was wearing – If I said no – If I physically fought back Not that any of this matters, because victim-blaming is never okay, my story doesn’t include most of the usual stereotypes. I was stone-cold sober, in a jumper and jeans, and he was someone I knew very well. It happened at a private space behind closed doors, so I wasn’t “out too late”. But the real problem is when professionals in our healthcare system, the very people who are supposed to take care of you, perpetuate these stereotypes. 90% of people are raped by someone they know, often a family member or a friend. Healthcare professionals meet vulnerable people as a part of their job. Communicating with someone in the right way about such a difficult topic is important, as the way you are made feel by someone you trust can shape your perception of what happened, your responsibility and worth. In my case, a doctor made a teenager feel ashamed and responsible for what happened.