I went to a fancy pub in Bangalore for lunch over the weekend. Everyone from the doorman who checked our car into the valet service, to our waiter who directed us to our table, handed us our menu and took the order, addressed my husband as if he was alone and COMPLETELY IGNORED ME. The only person who acknowledged my presence was the female hostess at the door who smiled at us both and confirmed our reservation. In everything from body language, to eye contact, to words spoken, I may as well have been invisible. After the menu was handed (to my husband) and the waiter sallied off, I pointed this out to him (I’ve been trying to show him instances of everyday sexism, which usually confuse and shock him) and he hadn’t noticed this AT ALL. He was upset that it happened, and upset that he didn’t notice because of his position of privilege.
This doesn’t happen at every restaurant we go to. The most gender-related event is usually when the pretty mocktail with the umbrella is placed in front of me and my whiskey water goes to my husband, upon which we exchange drinks and shock the waiter. But this time was a bit of a shocker, especially since it was such an upmarket place. I placed the order, as I usually do, called the waiters when we needed things, and basically made myself impossible to ignore. Grrr.