Tag Archives: sex

alice

I used to have sex with my boyfriend(now ex-boyfriend) even when I didn’t want to and when it hurt. I felt that that was the way it was supposed to be, they feel pleasure and we don’t have to be touched or have an orgasm. That’s not okay. People have to be educated about it

Blame

A guy made a video during sex without my consent, When I asked to delete the video, he blamed me because I was drunk. My friends blamed me too for not paying attention.

Anna

the most popular girls in my school are only popular because of their sexual experience with the other boys. They are sought after and boys talk about getting with them as great and as a popularity booster, yet call them skanks and trashy sluts behind their backs.

I am not to blame.

I’m currently writing my dissertation on feminism and gender. As I’ve been researching I’ve had to look into a lot of discourse on sexual abuse. As I researched more and more the most horrific realization dawned on me. I have been sexually abused. Not in an obvious way, not even in a violent way, but in a way that sickened me to the core at the time and made me hate MYSELF. About a year ago I worked in a bar. There was a guy who lived above it, we chatted a few times and he was nice enough. One night after work I stayed for a drink with my friends, he was also there. As we got more and more drunk he was telling me that he’d been watching me behind the bar for ages and that I must’ve known because I’d been parading myself around “looking sexy”. Honestly I was flattered, I thought he was kind of cute but I knew I didn’t want anything to happen. I drunkenly told my friends to please stop me if it seemed as if anything was. One by one, though, my friends left and it was just me, this guy, and a couple of people I didn’t really know. That’s when the coercion started. He was relentless, I said no multiple times, he kept giving me drinks, he told me that it would be hard for me to get home because it was late, “just come upstairs and lie down, I’ll get you a cab in the morning”. At this point it was about 6am, I was wasted. Eventually I agreed to go upstairs, part of me knew that he didn’t really just want me to lie down but I went anyway. Upstairs I started to sober up and feel panicky. He was kissing me and I kept pulling away, I sat on the end of his bed and told him I felt ill, I didn’t want to do anything. He said he understood but he kept touching me, not forcefully just in a way that suggested he didn’t really care how I was feeling. He wanted to get laid. In the end, after a few hours of coercion, I slept with him. He had trouble getting it in because I was so dry. I just lay below him and tuned out and when it was over I got in a taxi and went home. I didn’t sleep for two days, I felt nauseous. The sad part is that the nausea was guilt because I felt I had done something wrong. I was stupid, I shouldn’t have flirted with him, he was friends with my boss, what was I THINKING? I believed I had control of the situation but I didn’t. He did not for one second consider my obvious discomfort, even my verbal non-consent prior was ignored. It’s taken me this long to realise I was not at fault. Knowing that, even now, lessens the blow a little bit as it allows the guilt to alleviate. The guilt, though, transforms into a white hot rage that I am not the only one. I hope that by sharing my experience I can help someone else realise if they ever find themselves in that situation, you have a right to leave. Get out. You do not owe anyone ANYTHING. You are under no obligation to put yourself through sexual trauma just to keep the peace. And sexual harassment isn’t always obvious, sometimes it is subtle, creeping and turns you against yourself. <3

Z

When I was 14 my mother explained to me that if I was sexually active before I was married, it would be harder for my husband to love me. Knowing I’d already started hooking up with others, she explained that I probably wouldn’t find love, or as much love as I could’ve found had I stayed chaste. This was told to me as a statement of fact that should leave me ashamed of myself, instead of something to fight back and refuse to compromise for a partner who valued me.

Sofia

Someone I know told me that a young male friend of hers claimed that, “if a lot of keys can unlock a lock, it means that that lock is a rubbish one but if a key is able to unlock many locks, it is a master key.” By this analogy, he meant a lock to be a woman’s vagina and a key being a man’s penis. As if a woman’s body and what she chooses to do with it is something to be condemned but a man’s body and what he chooses to do with it is a sign of ultimate power? Just, no.

Juli

I remember the first guy I had sex with and not because it was great or we were dating. Hell, it was just sex. It was just I realize that half of the time we were together it because he coerced me and I feel guilty and confused about it because I don’t know if I was so willing or not.

Hannah

In the university dorms, a male friend was telling me about a really good burger place in our college town. He told me the next time I go out to eat with my boyfriend I should have him buy me a burger there, but to make sure I give him a good blow job afterward because it’s an expensive restaurant.

Amber

Every time I went to a certain OBGYN, he’d question me about whether or not I’d had vaginal intercourse yet. Honestly it’s not something I’m all that interested in, even though I like other elements of sex, and I guess that makes me insanely bizarre to most people (friends have told me they need to fix that for me and hook me up with someone fast). Regardless, he would always follow up my answer of “no” with, “Good for you!” or “Really? NEVER? Not even once?!” Like fuck off, you’re supposed to be my doctor. He was “nice” otherwise but I’m so glad I stopped seeing him.

Fiona

Someone I dated a few times and also slept with told me after I (I thought reassuringly) told him that I had the coil contraceptive, that had he known that I had contraceptive in he would not have ever slept with me because “women only get contraceptive so that they can sleep around a lot without any repercussions”And that he doesn’t want to be with that type of woman. I took time to calmly explain to him how disgustingly misogynistic his views were before asking him to leave. He thanked me and told me I’d changed his views so I let him stay. Bad decision. The next day he told me that he would never date a woman who does man’s work like construction because he wouldn’t want to feel muscles and rough hands on a woman and that he wouldn’t want to work with a woman either in his line of work (construction) because he’d always want to be helping her lift heavy things. That instead they should be writers and teachers. This time he couldn’t stay.