I was dating this guy and he seemed nice at first. He was good friends with my very close girlfriend which always gives you a bit more peace of mind.
We started to get intimate and the second time it happened he lied about wearing a condom. I was absolutely shocked and devastated. We were making out and I handed him the condom to put on and then quickly dashed to the loo as I needed to pee. I came back, it was dark and we started to have sex.
About 5 minutes in I noticed I couldn’t feel the condom and was concerned as I assumed it had fallen off or worse gone inside me.
So I voiced my concerns and that we needed to find it. He said not to worry as it was “over there” on the dresser. I was confused and I asked him why he didn’t put it on when I clearly handed it to him and the last time we had sex I was clear condoms were essential. He had no answer.
I had happened to be reading through the everyday sexism project entries the day before this happened and I had this tidal wave of bad sexual experiences I’ve had flash back at me after reading through some of the entries.
All the times guys had pushed and pushed and pushed to have sex, continuously not taking my no as a no. All the times I’ve been in pain during sex and the guy doesn’t check to see if I’m ok. All the times I’ve had sex and never orgasmed and my partner doesn’t seem to ask or care about my pleasure. All the times I’ve been pressured into giving blowjobs to boyfriends while on my period and made to feel as if I owe them something. All the times partners have complained endlessly about wearing condoms and forced me to have sex without one. All the times guys have guilted me into sex when I was feeling sick or tired.
I couldn’t believe after remembering all of these horrible instances that it had happened again right in front of my eyes at the age of 32!
Normally I wouldn’t say anything. I don’t know why this is. I think women are just socialised to not complain and to take it. But this day I stood up for myself. I sent him a message that morning saying I didn’t want to see him again and I was hurt and disappointed he lied about wearing a condom as the expectation was clear. I also said I didn’t want to deal with an unplanned pregnancy or any STIs in the middle of a global pandemic. I could have been harsher, but that’s not my style.
He sent some half-hearted message back about his “mistake” but you could see he didn’t really care. He also said to “stay relaxed” as the STI/pregnancy situation “wouldn’t happen”. I don’t know how he knew this as he didn’t know what if any birth control I was on. He’s probably also one of those guys that says “I’m clean” and then when you ask the last time they were tested they say “never”.
After this had happened I couldn’t stop thinking about what men say about feminists “hating” men and how untrue this seemed to me. All I could think about is how much men must hate women based on the terrible experiences I have had.