Sexism

Megan

|

The other week i was waiting outside of my work office, waiting to be let in by my manager who was taking his time as usual. I work in a setting that is in the middle of the city center and directly leads on to a main road. Whilst i was waiting i tied my shoe, and bent over to do so. The next thing i know i had drawn unwanted attention- ‘Yeah baby thats perfect stay like that’. I instantly felt sick, not that it matters but i was wearing covered clothing, and was doing a very menial task which then resulted in an uncomfortable few minutes until my manager came out. I did not respond to the first advance, sometimes i honestly wonder if they think that will work, that i will just drop down to my knees. I looked awkwardly towards the office door. ‘you are so beautiful, can i talk to you sexy’. At this point he had crossed the road to come talk to me. I replied and said ‘I am just waiting for my manager to come and let me in the office’ (I know i probably shouldnt have admitted that i worked there, but at the time i thought maybe with him knowing someone was coming would make him go away) he still continued to say things, make noises, lick his lips. I just stayed quiet, feeling rude? why did i feel rude? I was being harassed and i felt rude and embarrassed. My manager came out, and let me in, to which he walked away but not without staring back and making weird noises and looks at me. This happened in what was probably two minutes. I shrugged it off and went to work, and only thought about it when i got home. I can tell you what he looks like, because every time something like this happens i mentally make an image of them incase i am unlucky. I hate that this is what its like being a woman. I was just waiting to go into my office..

so done

|

i love it when i can count on my hand how many times my dad and brother have cooked this year, yet me not wanting to cook on the night of my exam raises questions of ‘why can’t you’ ive become so resentful towards them that i hope they end up alone and are forced to cook for themselves for once. can’t wait to move out; hope my dad’s girlfriend dumps him. she even makes his breakfast and lunches, I want to barf over the 50s vibes.

Me

|

I’m being hauled into HR for the third time for objecting to sexism in the workplace, particularly from one well-connected individual who is particularly fond of calling me an irritable female. So far, I’ve been demoted, told not to defend myself when he is sexist, and been accused by HR of stealing hours by being sick (after providing a doctor’s note) for 8 days in one year (even though my unpaid overtime exceeded my sick days by two full weeks.) All this began after this guy’s nephew tried sexting me in Messenger and was rebuffed. I’m not sure what will happen today, but I’m afraid. HR in the US is there to protect the abusers and retaliate against the victims. Never go to them.

amanda

|

in a room of male managers and myself as the only female manager discussing the marketing strategy of our small SaaS company (my department and area of expertise), i was told by the owner (who hired and promoted me to mgmt for my expertise) i wasn’t allowed to have an opinion. later that day, one of the male managers (IT) in the meeting barged into my office with a grievance and began his berating diatribe with “listen here, little girl…” i was 35 with a BS, a double minor and 15 years of experience under my belt. and the company is a self-proclaimed christian company. this is just one of thousands of instances of sexism i’ve experienced. i, quite honestly, have lost count. they happen on an almost daily basis, and with 365 days in a year, they add up quickly.

Civil Servant

|

Got some anonymous feedback for an Executive Management course I’m on. One person’s comments said they have ‘significant confidence in her skills and decision making’, and then ‘I think that some people underestimate her and [I] suspect that sometimes this is because she is young and female‘. This makes me angry. I’m grateful to this person for saying it out load, and it really encourages me they don’t think it’s okay and mentally try to dissolve these preconceptions, so at least some others must think the same way. But the fact this is what still women face makes me angry, and demoralised about being in my own workplace.

Claudia

|

Hello! My name is Claudia, I am currently in the U.S.All my life I have been told I would never amount to anything and that I would never be as strong as men. I have experienced things such as sexual assault as well as catcalling. When I told someone they said it was because I was not wearing anything (I was in my own home) and that it didn’t count because he “Didn’t mean it sexuallY.”. It happened before with a boy a year older than me who treated me like an object, but “Boys will be boys.” It happened once more by a woman as well. I had been groped in public and catcalled multiple times, and so have all of my female friends. The inequality is disgusting, and we need to fight back! Please understand my story and know you’re not alone, and your story is valid regardless of gender.

CC

|

After telling my boss about a string of several sexist, boderline racist and innapropriate “casual consversations” with an older male professor that shares my office twice a month, she shrugged it off by saying “oh he will never change his ways, better to avoid him”. So I now have in my diary the days he is scheduled to come in so I work from home on those days. I might have to change office in the next few months as well.

Cristina Berenguer

|

My (now ex-)boyfriend used to treat me like a piece of shit while claiming that he was “a feminist” and saying that he couldn’t stand women being treated in the way they are. He was always sharing feminist videos on his social media. We had an open relationship because he had asked me to (while he always was saying it was because I would not be able to have a closed relationship – aka slut-shaming me). When we were with our friends he made me look like I was the one bossing him around, him being innocent and this poor boy who was always behind me, doing whatever I wanted. He tried to get in bed with friends of mine, while I was in the same room. He raped me through coercion multiple times – including the first time we had “sex”-, he told me my English (which is not our first language) was bad, he told a friend of mine that he was only a 5% sexually satisfied with me. He was obsessed with anal sex and he always wanted to try it with me, when he very well knew I hated it and it hurt a lot for me. In a nutshell, he disturbed my sexual life to a point where I would start crying in the middle of doing it. Still now, sometimes, I can’t have sex with my couple because I can’t stop thinking of that. Never respected my boundaries, gaslighted me and treated me like I was ugly and stupid. Now I have a masters’ degree in Plant Biotechnology and I will start my PhD this year.

South Downs

|

We have one female HGV driver out of around 160, and I witnessed normalised everyday sexism only last week. The men were clearly watching something sexually distasteful on a phone, and the banter was flying, both ways, not wanting her to miss out, or be left out, one put the phone directly in front of her face, so she had to watch. Clearly uncomfortable, but being forced to be one of the boys she laughed it off. We dont need to become surrogate men to do the same job, we dont need to fit into make culture to do the job. The culture and banta should be free from casual sexism

Rebecca

|

As a 31 year old woman, I just tried to tell my Dad about some of the reproductive problems I have been experiencing over the last year. After finally seeing a specialist I thought it was time to share the problem, as after months of pain and years of issues it is looking like Endometriosis. He didn’t even turn down the TV to hear it or look at me, let alone offer sympathy. He simply asked, and have you been diagnosed? And was immediately dismissive when I explained the risk of making the condition worse that comes with keyhole surgery required to do this. And when I explained that the only offer of treatment is the birth control pill he again dismissively said ‘lots of women take that and they are fine.’ Women need to start speaking out about issues and side effects of the pill, as we desperately need to find other ways of treating Endometriosis. I would argue that we are still discouraged from openly discussing our reproductive health and subjects periods are still so stigmatised to the point that Fathers can’t even comfort their daughters. If we don’t speak about how unfair it still is that birth control is seen as a female responsibility or how awful the symptoms of the pill really are then society will not change. There will continue to be Dad’s who mansplain the pill to their 31 year old daughters, opinions based on no evidence in particular. It brought back a really vivid memory of a Saturday when I was about fourteen when he decided to have a go at me for staying home all day, I was having my period and I didn’t feel like leaving the house because it was so painful and heavy. He really became aggressive so I just told him that I had my period and to lay off, he went silent, no sympathy, no apology, because that would be him admitting he had done something wrong. I have been repairing the damage caused by his sexist attitude my entire life and can only really now recognise it defend myself when it occurs. Men with daughters need to try harder, no matter what age they are. Medicine needs to recognise that the pill is not a suitable long term treatment for a chronic illness. Endometriosis is as common as diabetes and because it actually makes women infertile, this is an issue society is facing as a whole, not just a ‘women’s problem’.