Tag Archives: social media

Sage

This is a few stories in one. I was 13 for all of them. They happened within about a month. A random stranger sent me an unsolicited dick pick. I changed my profile picture from my face to avoid men seeing my profile and finding me attractive enough to do that. Another man messaged me telling me he was a doctor in India and proposed a Green Card Marriaged. That one seemed more like a scam than anything else, but still. Why ask a 13 year old in the first place? And a third man messaged me and tried to get to know me. He kept calling me “honey” and “sweetheart”. He didn’t do anything like the first two, but it made me very uncomfortable. He was an adult man I didn’t know and I was a 13 year old girl. So I blocked him the next day when he tried to follow me on Instagram.

Jfer

A photo of my good friends & I, our young sons & one beloved grandma. Reposted in memories on one of the mama’s FB page. A neighbour of hers posts “that gal in the mid-front makes me thirsty” Me, “what did you mean by that?” He calls me a pet name. Me, “that’s not my name. What did you mean by that?” He tries to derail the thread & never responds to my question. Tells me he likes my face, thinks we would get along & hopes we will be introduced by our mutual friend. I know this is going to end with “it was a compliment, you’re overreacting” Anticipating some gaslighting when he reads my “do better” essay tomorrow morning.

Christina

A guy shared a missing person post in a neighbourhood facebook group. He captioned the post with, “I regularly see this girl travelling through [our neighbourhood] with a man and a baby”. The missing person is a 29 year old woman. When I pointed this fact out the OP replied, “Besides the point really isn’t it”. This comment was ‘liked’ by two women. I replied to say that from his post people would be looking out for a ‘girl’ and not a 29 year old woman. I feel like can’t argue further as every time someone comments on the post this misleading information goes to the top of the group’s page.

Every friggin day

I am selling a skirt (amongst other things) on Gumtree so posted a photo of me wearing the skirt without showing my head/face since most women would want to know what the skirt looks like on but naturally I want to maintain privacy. One man sent a request for more pics. Funnily enough never responded when I told him there were no more pics available. The next man seemed to genuinely be interested in the skirt for his sister (well yeah, we’ve heard that one before but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt). Third man straight up asked if the skirt was all that was for sale (but ‘sorry if that’s not ok to ask’. Are you f*****g kidding me??). In between giving the 2nd man the benefit of the doubt and the 3rd man’s second message, I went back to the 2nd man to advise that there was another party interested. Corrected myself once the 3rd man showed his true colours. 2nd man sends his sympathies…..before hitting on me. SERIOUSLY!

Lydia

I’m only 13 and I’ve experienced many sexist thing in my life already. Here’s one thing that happened literally five minutes ago… There was an insta post saying “We all know the human version of a headache” and the caption was “tag them”. Nothing wrong with that, right? Well in the comments there was a guy who put “any female ever” and another guy who replied to his comment in agreement… like DUDE how is this still going on in the 21st century?! It actually baffles me like just stop ?

Cara

I am a computer science student at a UK university. To give you an idea of the ratio, there are 32 girls and 224 boys in my course. I have had lecturers make jokes on maths getting girlfriends, lude images (and even pornography) posted on the group chat showing women in a vulnerable position, people suggesting female lecturers should be sucking dicks, male lectures using ‘he’ when someone gets code right and ‘she’ when someone gets code wrong. The one time I had a female lecturer, the boys in the group chat created a ‘thirst count’ where points would be added every time the lecturer made them ‘thirsty’ for her (i.e. laughed) or one of them tried to flirt with her. In this group chat the men use nicknames like ‘titty titty bang bang’ or ‘milks his mum’. 6 months ago I tried bringing this up with the university. The he/she lecturer, instead of making a promise to not do this in the future, instead asked me to go through 24 hours to lecture feeds to find the specific time it happened, then tried to tell me he was drawing from a real world example. When I tried to report the pornography pictures anonymously, an email was sent out about appropriate behaviour on group chats and two people were called into an office and told not to do it again. In my opinion, this is not enough. I confided in one friend that I reported it and he told me I should have told the students reps it was me because they were nice people and ‘they’ll probably be okay with the fact you reported it’. Even though the group didn’t know I reported it, this was the response of the chat: ‘Guys honestly this is disgusting – whoever snitched – grow the fuck up. If your life and personality are so sad and boring that you get off snitching on someone because of a picture I pity you. Honestly people like you make me sick.’ The group chat name was also changed to ‘Snowflakes Anonymous Year 1 Racist Meme Shitposting’ in retaliation. I’ve tried to fight back. I really have. But when you hear this every day and no one does anything about it, it wears you down. I’m not looking to make the next big scandal, I just want to finish my uni course without losing my mind. Hopefully you now have a better insight into what it is like to be a female computer science student.

JoJo

I’m part of a “secret” local Facebook group which also meets up irl. When I was first added this group was doing lots to support refugees and other really positive stuff. It was basically left leaning and a substantial number of the male regulars self identified as feminists. I felt safe there talking about things that had happened to me including gang rape and domestic violence. Recently there has been a massive change. Since Weinstein these men who seemed so supportive have attacked women in the group, we’re apparently “jumping on the bandwagon”, our experiences are “saccharine victimhood” and much worse. Only a few weeks before, a young woman in the group felt very scared of two older men who verbally harassed her on the bus, these men were really supportive to her yet a few weeks later they were ridiculing women for reporting similar things. Compared to my first marriage and gang rape this verbal abuse and feeling of not being believed may not seem much, but the effects on my emotional well-being are devastating and have brought back all my self-doubt and lack of confidence in my ability to make good decisions. Over the past two and a half years I grew to trust and admire the same men that are now referring to me and other women in the group as hysterical man haters. I feel so humiliated and let down as I’ve gradually opened up and my trust has once again been violated.

Sarah

I went on a few dates with a guy, and he came back to mine once. We were never that into each other (from my perspective) so when he moved to Amsterdam I was quite relieved. About a month later I came across his online blog, in which he writes about his daily life. Curious, I found the entry describing the night he came back to mine and found that he’d written an account describing how he only slept with me because he wanted someone to tell him he was attractive, and only ‘finished out of politeness’ despite losing interest. He even used my real name in the post. I felt hurt, embarrassed and used, but I didn’t want to re-open communication with him so I just pushed it to the back of my mind. Almost a year later, he messaged me out of the blue to say he was back in town, and felt we had left things on a weird note. I took the opportunity to tell him, plainly and without any accusation, that I’d found his blog post and the way he wrote about me had made me feel hurt and embarrassed. Instead of offering me any kind of apology, he promptly blocked me so I couldn’t contact him again. I couldn’t resist having a look at his blog again (he still hasn’t removed the post about me), and found a more recent entry describing an encounter he had with someone else. This time, a girl came back to his but decided when there that she didn’t want to sleep with him. He describes his anger at being rejected, saying that he wanted to be the one to refuse her – being rejected made him feel unattractive and angry. The next morning she changes her mind and decided to sleep with him after all, and he describes how he only does it in order to prove a point – that she should not have rejected him in the first place. Shortly after this, he sent her a message saying that he felt insulted, and didn’t want to see her again. Then he blocked her before she could respond. This is all detailed on his public blog. The next day he posted a video on his blog saying that he thinks he might have been wrong in how he treated her, but that ultimately he hadn’t been acting maliciously and he could only really be held responsible for his own feelings, not how his actions made others feel. This man treats women as if they are tools for his own validation, and when he is called out on it he responds by silencing the other person. He doesn’t apologise. He just moves onto the next girl. It’s toxic masculinity and blatant misogyny.

Lorna

The mew John Lewis And/Or jeans ad that just popped up on my Facebook feed. The short, slo-mo film exclusively focuses on a close up of a woman’s denim-clad arse as she rides a bike. She even stands up on the pedals, giving a fuller view of her backside. I guess it’s supposed to be provocative, but it’s just depressing and regressive. It doesn’t belong in this century and Johm Lewis should be ashamed.

Louise

Hi ESP, I just wanted to add my story, which occurred yesterday as I was driving to work, and then subsequently on a Facebook group I’m a member of. As I was driving to work I came to a mini roundabout and was looking right out of my open window for coming traffic. A man was standing with his young son by the side of the road and loudly said: “Will you look at that! She’s got a face like a slapped arse!”. I only just realised what he’d said as I drove off, and just dismissed him as a bit of a doucebag. However, when I got to work I decided to tell a Facebook group about it. I was quite light-hearted, just mentioning what I’d been called ending the update with #everydaysexism. And that’s when all hell broke loose. I got 300 responses, the vast majority of which were negative or downright abusive. I was called a virtue-caller, a sexist, ridiculous, pathetic, I was told I sound like I have a face like a slapped arse, that I was being sensitive and needed to relax, that it is political correctness gone mad, that I hate anyone with a penis, that I’m ridiculous etc etc etc. This actually really surprised me. What the main issue for most of these people was was that what he’d said wasn’t sexist. That having ‘a face like a slapped arse’ is gender neutral. I tried explaining that while I understand this it was the situation it was being said in that was sexist. The argument came back that some of these men had been called names by women in their jobs in retail (for example) and I sympathised and told them that that is vile and shouldn’t have happened, but that is not really sexist, as it doesn’t have the weight of the systematic eniwualities of the patriarchy behind it. Anyway, I’ve stepped away from the discusdion now. The one guy who did support my point was accused of just wanting to ‘get in my pants’ so I’ve decided it’s not worth it. Anyway, thanks for letting me share. X