My lovely 16 year old daughter has gone out to see her best friend today – on a sunny afternoon in Leeds UK. COVID meant there was no prom for my daughter and her friends. This is their first trip to a restaurant since before lockdown and they decided to dress up a bit. My d. went out in a powder blue dress she had bought for a birthday party also scuppered by lockdown, happy in her mind and body. She was meeting her friend at the bus stop which meant walking down the main road. After a couple of minutes, some blokes whistled at her from their car and shouted “you look nice!” She phoned me (I was at the supermarket) feeling scared and upset. The saddest thing was that she said “is this dress inappropriate, Mam? Should I not have worn it?” I assured her she most definitely should have worn it and felt so sad that her first call for blame was herself. We agreed that cat-callers deserve belittling by being completely ignored when you are on your own and by being given the angry finger with no coyness or giggles when with friends. 😔 Big respect also to her 14 year old sister who ran down to the main road to meet her and walk with her to meet her friend. I have also urged her to visit this website too – it is a therapeutic and empowering act to do so.
Im a 15 year old girl. As of now, ive only had 2 boyfriends. The first of which many of my friends seemed to strongly disapprove of, making harsh comments until I called it off. Now, Ive just gotten out of my second unhappy relationship. Except this one was longer. And more intimate. To a certain extent, I blame myself. Perhaps I forced myself into it because I wanted him to be happy. On the first “date”, he began kissing me. A lot. It was my first kiss so I suppose I was happy to experiment, and im young and stupid as it is with social interactions. Then, on the same night he began to slip his hands in between my thighs. To begin with, I didn’t mind too much to be honest. On the second date, he continued these things, but also began lightly groping my chest area, which creeped me out a bit but I just shrugged it off because its ‘normal’ and I had such a low self esteem and self confindence for my body, that I looked at it as ‘if he funds happiness in it then i guess im also happy’. But it was the third date where he took it too far. He would grab by arse, despite me politely moving his hand away multiple times. He kept positioning me between his legs and opening my legs for him to lie in between, which probably made me the most uncomfortable of all these things. He would randomly stop and look down at my private areas with a sort of blank, yet thoughtful look which made me feel dehumanised, as if he only saw me as a possession of his for his own pleasures. I would also swear on my life that his hands brushed over my crotch, he purposefully would rest his head (facing downwards) on there too. He slipped his hand under my bra at one point too. Then, when he was leaving, he pushed me up against my bed and lifted my shirt up, proceeding to lean in as if to kiss by chest, although to be honest I feel like ive kind of blurred it out, so I couldn’t say for certain. I felt so disgusted and sick that I went straught to messaging the friend I feel I can trust most. To this day, I’ve never told anyone the whole story, although I have gradually told more people the vague story. The worst part, in my opinion, is that my friend claimed to have been assulted by the same guy years before, but we mostly assumed she had exaggerated, as she’s often a drama queen. Ignoring her is my biggest regret. Its sickening to realise that guys assume they can get away with it. And its worse to know they can. Personally, I cant do anything about it. I dont want to. He’s depressed anyway, and with GCSEs coming up I font want to cause any more stress for him, even if im struggling everyday with the reminders. I want him out of my life, but its so gard when he has the same friendship group. He needs to be stopped in the future. Boys need to be brought up realising this isnt ok.
Stared at my a middle-aged man whilst in a public pool. I was wearing a bikini sat at the edge of a pool with my friend. He was in the pool, treading water about a metre away from us. He noticed that we saw him staring said ‘sorry’ and continued to stare until my friend and I looked at each other, got up and left. We were 14 at the time.
Context: I’m 14, and a TransGirl. I was walking to my bus stop from school, when a man in a blue van whistled at me. Being socialised male for the past 14 years I’ve never encountered this, and I felt incredibly uncomfortable. As I waited at the bus stop I noticed the van about to drive past so I put the hood up on my hoodie in hopes he wouldn’t whistle again, luckily he didn’t.
Last year, being 14 years-old, me and my mum were at the shops buying some vegetables. Mind you it was at night. Anyway, we were walking down the street and suddenly we hear a low whistle. I turn to find a man, maybe in his 40s, smirking at me and my mum. I wasn’t wearing anything provocative and even if I was he had NO DAMN RIGHT to cat call me. When I look back at this incident I felt like crying, it was my fist time experiencing this kind of crap. P.S I put this up because even though I feel like it doesn’t have much importance. Every story, big or small, deserves to be told.
When I was 17 I started learning to drive. My driving instructor would pick me up from college for my lesson. Two occasions spring to mind. 1) In the college break room there was a pool table me and my friends would use when we were relaxing between classes, my driving instructor had asked what I had been up to before my lesson, I said playing pool. He immediately responded by saying “ooh I’d like to see you bent over a pool table” 2) I was going on holiday with my friends from college in the summer between year 12 and year 13. Before I left I explained I wouldn’t need lessons that following week because I was going to Spain. He responded by saying “ooooh I’d like to see your white bits when you get back”. To reiterate, I was a 17 year old girl in a car with this circa 50 year old man, on my own, at least once a week, with him able to control the vehicle.
i started to speak to a boy when i was 15. we properly met at a party a few weeks later. i got too drunk, threw up, passed out, and woke up with him lying next to me to keep me warm. i don’t know if i was hungover or still drunk or what but i lost my virginity to him. we dated for a year after that. he made me feel like i couldn’t do anything- my spine vanished and i relied on him to hold me up. he insisted on sex- as if blue balls was a painful medical condition and i was just being annoying. it hurt for me but it was easier to let myself hurt than to deal with him angry. if i put myself through enough pain sometimes he wouldn’t go and get high to calm down. he wouldn’t punch the wall next to my head. he called me when i was on holiday with my family and pretended he had cancer. he had tonsillitis. i did not hang up on him because he always got angry if i hung up on him. he dumped me for another girl, occasionally sending me passive aggressive texts that refused to acknowledge that he’d hurt me. i became a rape statistic at 16. now i sit in classes in listen to people make jokes about rape. i am friends with my rapists cousin. he doesn’t know what happened to me and i will never tell him. i have friends with similar stories.
I’m 14 now, but this is a story I never shared with anyone, not wanting to cause tension or more sadness in my family. At about 12 years old and also when I was 13, last year. I remember almost being asleep in the night laying in bed, my father would come into my room and check if I was asleep. When he thought i was sleeping he would sit next to my bed and at first just gently touch my arm. His hands then went down to my crotch, during this I pretended to be asleep in fear of what would happen if I ” woke up”. He would touch my vagina and sometimes even fingered me. I never knew what to do so I igonred it. In fear i tried to deny it trying to convince myself i had just dreamt it. And it s not like my father is abad dad, he cares about me and my education and the rest of my family. And now I wish i had maybepushed him away or something for my friends have also been groped and I wish they had told me before because i cant believe how alone they must have felt until they cameforward but my thing wss a long time ago and i dont want to start something.
I was only 16 when after a yoga class by mistake i took a wrong bus and to make a shortcut had to use a deserted underground to cross the motorway. i was listening to music on my headphones and as i approached the underground i saw i girl walking up the stairs with a shaken up look on her face, but i didn’t pay much attention to it. soon i realized what hat frightened the girl so much. as i descended down the stairs i was a tall, strong-built man with massive erection an a creepy look on his face, i turn of my music, and pretended i was talking on the phone ( i thought he wouldn’t approach me then, but i was wrong). without paying any mind to him i proceeded to walk past him when i heard a disgusting voice yelling “hay”, yet again i ignored him, so he said ” want me to fuck you? or you’re too scared it will hurt? ” i looked that man straight in the eyes and said ” no thanks” while i was trying to come up with ways i could defend myself against this huge man. he was shocked for a second so i took it as my queue to leave so i ran. Once i was on the street i got in the other bus and sighed with relief. However, my peace was short lived. The particular bus i took always got very crowded and stuffy, so when i felt a man press into my back i yet ignored it, though it was an accident but as i felt a warm and hard ” something” being not only pressed but basically humped into my ass i knew it was no accident. It was just a pervy old man with a moral of a stone. I was honestly shocked, thought that a universe was testing me and froze up, tried to move away but that bastard was persistent,so i elbowed him in the stomach and he backed off. I knew i had the right to scream at him or slap him and make a scene of any other kind, however, my twisted mentality took over and i didn’t say a single thing, afraid that i might make people on the bus uncomfortable. when i told my mum what happened she said to me ” well it sucks but what can we do, just make a scene next time and DO NOT use that underground, that place is known for perverts looming around”.
I was 17/18 and learning to drive. My driving instructor was in his 50s/60s. I’d had very little sexual experience up until that point. When he would guide the wheel, his hand would graze the underside of my breasts. It happened infrequently enough for me not to know if this was intentional or not. Maybe I’m still trying to write it off as accidental in my head, years later. I do remember him exhaling and grunting slightly every time he did it. I remember just freezing every time it happened and my mind going blank. I never told anyone about it until I told my mum years after the fact. She frowned, probably acknowledging that it shouldn’t have happened however didn’t say anything. I’ve told my husband about it. I know I will tell my kids, if we have them, that if their instructor makes them feel even a bit uncomfortable in any way, we are changing them. I don’t remember particularly dreading driving lessons. I do remember feeling more uncomfortable that the guy was also a massive racist shit as well (he was white, as am I), frequently making awful comments about the local BME communities. I wish I’d stood up to him more about that in some ways. God, I fucking hate how normalised this shit is, even, especially, to myself.