annalisa
today I want through a public place. A man literally catcalled me. He popped his tongue in the exact same way in which I do when I’m trying to get my cat’s attention.
teenager
Sylvia
When I was 15, I was on a plane to Thailand for a highschoolers program and on the plane, I was in the middle seat between a woman and a large older man maybe in his 40’s or 50’s. It was a really long flight and by the time it was night time on the plane I woke up and the man next to me was hugging my arm. I didn’t think it was wrong or felt uncomfortable at that point, I thought he was just sleepy and that it was ok if I let him hug my arm while he sleeps. The whole plane was quiet and the woman next to me (she had the window seat) was asleep and this man then put his hand on my thigh. That was when I defineatly felt like no that’s not right and uncomfortable so I elbowed his hand that was on my leg and he made some grunt and rolled over to face away from me, pretending to be asleep. At that point I was so completely shocked and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to get out of my seat but the man was blocking the way to the aisle and I certainly didn’t want to have to talk to him so I could get out. The woman next to me didn’t see it because she was sleeping and I felt like she wouldn’t be able to do anything if I woke up and told her. Plus the guy would have heard me tell her and I was really worried he would call me out and say I was lying and I wouldn’t be able to defend myself. So I just felt trapped. I wanted to get out so badly but I just froze and couldn’t. I just sat in that plane seat between these two people, one of them who had touched me for the next 9 hours until the plane landed. The man just got out and left and so did I and when I was in the airport I told my cousin who was the same age as me. She didn’t say anything and I didn’t want it to ruin my trip by telling any teachers that a man on the plane had touched me so I just told myself to try your best to just forget about it. I haven’t told anyone except my cousin and she hasn’t said anything about it. I still think about it every now and then and get quite triggered when I hear sexual assault stories on the news. I don’t feel like I can tell my parents because it was 2 years ago now and its almost embarrassing. This is going to sound wrong but I don’t want them to think their daughter has been ‘tainted’ in some way or that I’m anything less than innocent. I know that’s a disgusting way to see it and I hate that women are supposed to be ideally ‘pure’.
Nicola M.
My lovely 16 year old daughter has gone out to see her best friend today – on a sunny afternoon in Leeds UK. COVID meant there was no prom for my daughter and her friends. This is their first trip to a restaurant since before lockdown and they decided to dress up a bit. My d. went out in a powder blue dress she had bought for a birthday party also scuppered by lockdown, happy in her mind and body. She was meeting her friend at the bus stop which meant walking down the main road. After a couple of minutes, some blokes whistled at her from their car and shouted “you look nice!” She phoned me (I was at the supermarket) feeling scared and upset. The saddest thing was that she said “is this dress inappropriate, Mam? Should I not have worn it?” I assured her she most definitely should have worn it and felt so sad that her first call for blame was herself. We agreed that cat-callers deserve belittling by being completely ignored when you are on your own and by being given the angry finger with no coyness or giggles when with friends. 😔 Big respect also to her 14 year old sister who ran down to the main road to meet her and walk with her to meet her friend. I have also urged her to visit this website too – it is a therapeutic and empowering act to do so.
Averagexteenager
Im a 15 year old girl. As of now, ive only had 2 boyfriends. The first of which many of my friends seemed to strongly disapprove of, making harsh comments until I called it off. Now, Ive just gotten out of my second unhappy relationship. Except this one was longer. And more intimate. To a certain extent, I blame myself. Perhaps I forced myself into it because I wanted him to be happy. On the first “date”, he began kissing me. A lot. It was my first kiss so I suppose I was happy to experiment, and im young and stupid as it is with social interactions. Then, on the same night he began to slip his hands in between my thighs. To begin with, I didn’t mind too much to be honest. On the second date, he continued these things, but also began lightly groping my chest area, which creeped me out a bit but I just shrugged it off because its ‘normal’ and I had such a low self esteem and self confindence for my body, that I looked at it as ‘if he funds happiness in it then i guess im also happy’. But it was the third date where he took it too far. He would grab by arse, despite me politely moving his hand away multiple times. He kept positioning me between his legs and opening my legs for him to lie in between, which probably made me the most uncomfortable of all these things. He would randomly stop and look down at my private areas with a sort of blank, yet thoughtful look which made me feel dehumanised, as if he only saw me as a possession of his for his own pleasures. I would also swear on my life that his hands brushed over my crotch, he purposefully would rest his head (facing downwards) on there too. He slipped his hand under my bra at one point too. Then, when he was leaving, he pushed me up against my bed and lifted my shirt up, proceeding to lean in as if to kiss by chest, although to be honest I feel like ive kind of blurred it out, so I couldn’t say for certain. I felt so disgusted and sick that I went straught to messaging the friend I feel I can trust most. To this day, I’ve never told anyone the whole story, although I have gradually told more people the vague story. The worst part, in my opinion, is that my friend claimed to have been assulted by the same guy years before, but we mostly assumed she had exaggerated, as she’s often a drama queen. Ignoring her is my biggest regret. Its sickening to realise that guys assume they can get away with it. And its worse to know they can. Personally, I cant do anything about it. I dont want to. He’s depressed anyway, and with GCSEs coming up I font want to cause any more stress for him, even if im struggling everyday with the reminders. I want him out of my life, but its so gard when he has the same friendship group. He needs to be stopped in the future. Boys need to be brought up realising this isnt ok.
Kate
Stared at my a middle-aged man whilst in a public pool. I was wearing a bikini sat at the edge of a pool with my friend. He was in the pool, treading water about a metre away from us. He noticed that we saw him staring said ‘sorry’ and continued to stare until my friend and I looked at each other, got up and left. We were 14 at the time.
My first time encountering harrasment.
Context: I’m 14, and a TransGirl. I was walking to my bus stop from school, when a man in a blue van whistled at me. Being socialised male for the past 14 years I’ve never encountered this, and I felt incredibly uncomfortable. As I waited at the bus stop I noticed the van about to drive past so I put the hood up on my hoodie in hopes he wouldn’t whistle again, luckily he didn’t.
Catcalled at 14
Last year, being 14 years-old, me and my mum were at the shops buying some vegetables. Mind you it was at night. Anyway, we were walking down the street and suddenly we hear a low whistle. I turn to find a man, maybe in his 40s, smirking at me and my mum. I wasn’t wearing anything provocative and even if I was he had NO DAMN RIGHT to cat call me. When I look back at this incident I felt like crying, it was my fist time experiencing this kind of crap. P.S I put this up because even though I feel like it doesn’t have much importance. Every story, big or small, deserves to be told.
Learner driver
When I was 17 I started learning to drive. My driving instructor would pick me up from college for my lesson. Two occasions spring to mind. 1) In the college break room there was a pool table me and my friends would use when we were relaxing between classes, my driving instructor had asked what I had been up to before my lesson, I said playing pool. He immediately responded by saying “ooh I’d like to see you bent over a pool table” 2) I was going on holiday with my friends from college in the summer between year 12 and year 13. Before I left I explained I wouldn’t need lessons that following week because I was going to Spain. He responded by saying “ooooh I’d like to see your white bits when you get back”. To reiterate, I was a 17 year old girl in a car with this circa 50 year old man, on my own, at least once a week, with him able to control the vehicle.
too young
i started to speak to a boy when i was 15. we properly met at a party a few weeks later. i got too drunk, threw up, passed out, and woke up with him lying next to me to keep me warm. i don’t know if i was hungover or still drunk or what but i lost my virginity to him. we dated for a year after that. he made me feel like i couldn’t do anything- my spine vanished and i relied on him to hold me up. he insisted on sex- as if blue balls was a painful medical condition and i was just being annoying. it hurt for me but it was easier to let myself hurt than to deal with him angry. if i put myself through enough pain sometimes he wouldn’t go and get high to calm down. he wouldn’t punch the wall next to my head. he called me when i was on holiday with my family and pretended he had cancer. he had tonsillitis. i did not hang up on him because he always got angry if i hung up on him. he dumped me for another girl, occasionally sending me passive aggressive texts that refused to acknowledge that he’d hurt me. i became a rape statistic at 16. now i sit in classes in listen to people make jokes about rape. i am friends with my rapists cousin. he doesn’t know what happened to me and i will never tell him. i have friends with similar stories.
Annonymus
I’m 14 now, but this is a story I never shared with anyone, not wanting to cause tension or more sadness in my family. At about 12 years old and also when I was 13, last year. I remember almost being asleep in the night laying in bed, my father would come into my room and check if I was asleep. When he thought i was sleeping he would sit next to my bed and at first just gently touch my arm. His hands then went down to my crotch, during this I pretended to be asleep in fear of what would happen if I ” woke up”. He would touch my vagina and sometimes even fingered me. I never knew what to do so I igonred it. In fear i tried to deny it trying to convince myself i had just dreamt it. And it s not like my father is abad dad, he cares about me and my education and the rest of my family. And now I wish i had maybepushed him away or something for my friends have also been groped and I wish they had told me before because i cant believe how alone they must have felt until they cameforward but my thing wss a long time ago and i dont want to start something.