Warning: this story contains strong offensive misogynistic language I have heard. There has been much talk in the media about inspiring girls to do certain activities and hobbies. While I agree that all kinds of people should be encouraged to do certain activities if the are able, this “Go Girl” message conveniently glosses over the sad fact that some men and boys would much rather that these women and girls didn’t threaten their egos. In the early 90s, it wasn’t lack of inspiration or drive that stopped or inhibited me from participating in certain activities; it was male gatekeeping (including male peers), snide remarks from male instructors/coaches/sport shop staff and lack of adequate leisure facilities/lack of non bigoted, high quality instruction. Also there was lack of money, lack of practical supportive comfortable female undergarments and snide remarks from family members also. Activities I was highly interested in that I was never supported in and was stopped by male gatekeeping and societal female shaming include: welding (male instructor at the after school engineering club signed me up for electronics instead); basketball (lack of female participation, lack of facilities nearby, assumption that girls can only play netball); yo-yoing (boys in my primary school class laughed at me when I said I got a yo-yo for Christmas, it is only now after the advent of internet videos that I have finally learned how to throw sleepers, when I was a child no such instruction videos existed so I couldn’t learn properly); video gaming (male relatives and friends not playing multiplayer with me and hogging the controller); football (for fun only, but boys at school would never pass me the ball and would mock my perceived lack of ability, so I could never practice and learn); skateboarding (bought an inappropriate board, sneered at by male sports shop staff, derided by family members, lack of skatepark facilities, lack of suitable non bullying instruction, lack of smooth roads and lack of access to protective gear) as a result I cannot skate on a board to this day even though I can rollerblade (rollerblading was deemed to be more acceptable for women to partake in for some bizarre reason) and Engineering Geology (was told by male science instructor that women can’t think in 3D and that women cook/clean/have babies like “female animals” also he did not teach us the required material on the syllabus at all so I had to learn it on my own). I was also told by school teachers when I was a little girl that I should like dresses and not want to get muddy. A female school librarian was absolutely furious that I wanted to take books out about diggers and boys playing in the mud. She yelled at me, put the books back and gave me books about flowers to read instead. I cried for days afterwards, but no one cared: they all thought I was an anti-social troublemaker who therefore needed to take remedial classes. The older women and the boys wanted me to play skipping games with the girls, cross stitch and plait hair instead. I have never ever in my life derided a male for wanting to cook, cross-stitch, wear a dress, knit or do ballet dancing. I have never ever felt threatened by male vets or male cake bakers. I have never ever said to a man that he couldn’t do the ironing, vacuuming, horse-riding, hairdressing, make-up artistry or do flower arranging because he uses the Gent’s Toilets. So why do some men feel the right to tell me that I can’t do certain activities just because I use the Ladies’ Toilets? A male relative once told me that he had felt very upset when he was assigned to a female boss at work because he told me that this was “wrong”. He didn’t think that men should ever be ordered about by women. As a woman I have come across this idea of male pride and entitlement to certain professions and activities over and over again. Lots of “relationship advice” articles on the internet for women tells them to boost a man’s ego constantly and not make him feel inferior to you by out performing him in certain activities. Apparently, if a woman doesn’t praise a man this constantly, the articles say that the man’s eyes will wander to other women. Also the man will supposedly get angry, scary and upset if you don’t praise him for doing “manly things”. I don’t know if this is all bunk, but there’s lots of info floating around about how precious the male ego is and how it’s a woman’s duty to preserve it at all costs, lest he look at other women. I have tried praising blokes for their achievements (some of whom were swaggering about and bragging about how “women women can’t play football”), but this I have found has had very little effect on whether or not they looked at photos of actresses, women in bikinis or internet porn. The boys and men who looked at that stuff anyway would probably keep looking at it regardless of how much or how little I praised their footballing or woodworking prowess. There’s hardly any relationship advice about fostering genuine egalitarian connection between partners or sharing the enjoyment hobbies or work at all. Maybe this is why I am depressed and absolutely stink at forming long lasting relationships with men or having fun activities? Online I have seen many men gatekeeping their male dominated hobbies and making sexist comments about women. One bizarre example was a man reviewing a yo-yo which he said “Grinded like lie a cheap ho” on his hand when he did a trick. The groups of males making up their own sexual innuendoes degrading women as “terminology” in yo-yos, kendamas, football, skateboarding, basketball and Geology have been utterly cringeworthy. Maybe anyone of any gender who wants to participate in any activity (within their physical capabilities) should do so with the freedom to fail and learn safely with highly quality support and constructive criticism, without being harassed and excluded for having certain private parts. Surely that would be fairer for everyone and more money could be made by selling more tickets, Merch and equipment to all different sorts of people? A while ago I saw a sign on the wall of my local leisure centre that read “Sports for All”. It didn’t tell women to “Get back in the kitchen” or “Stop playing like a girl.”
