Where to begin. I grew up in a house of tension, where my parents argued often and my dad was violent. Boys at school regularly would ‘catch’ the girls, paying ‘kiss, cuddle, or torture’. I was terrified of one boy in particular who had a penchant for lifting girls’ skirts. I have had a succession of failed relationships. The man I married was controlling and abusive. He would drink 2 bottles of wine each night and then get angry for no reason, swearing at me and calling me names. I wanted to leave but had our son to think about. Eventually, I left with our son when he was 5. I’d had to call the police twice, when he pushed me around and threatened me with a knife. The policemen didn’t seem to appreciate the fear I was living in, saying they didn’t think I was telling them the whole story and that they couldn’t make my husband leave the house unless I had him arrested. He begged me not to press charges because he’d just started a new job and didn’t want to lose it. He would always apologise but it would always happen again. He obviously had mental health issues but wouldn’t seek help, saying he’d rather stick pins in his eyes. A man followed me home once, when I was only 17 and hadn’t long left home. He followed me into my bedsit (I didn’t know how to stop him) and threatened to rape me. Fortunately, when I told him I was a virgin, he said he wouldn’t. There have been other men (just friends) over the years: the one whom I knew at university that went to kiss me and was shocked when I turned him down. He was 20 years my senior and I’d given him no indication that I liked him in that way (because I didn’t), but he accused me of leading him on. Recently, I kindly asked a male friend if he could stop insulting me in his text messages (i.e. “are you deaf?” “are you senile – I told you the story just last week?”) After saying he couldn’t ‘be arsed’ with my ‘histrionics’, I’ve never heard from him again. I’ve lived alone with my son for the past 8 years and it’s so great, not having to walk on egg shells any more. I don’t think I could trust anyone again.
