I was sexually assaulted by a friend. He is a nurse, he volunteers and he has been with his girlfriend for over 3 years. He dresses like a grandad, has hair like a a character from the Big Bang Theory. He was always the least threatening man I knew. Not once did I think I would have to be alert around him.
I had been sexually assaulted throughout uni by’typical lads’. The guys who wear sliders, open shirts and spend more time on their hair then I ever do. So I only had these guys on my rador to avoid. To have my rape alarm ready if I noticed them behind me when walking somewhere.
So to be sexually assaulted by a friend, who is a nurse, who has a teacher girlfriend, at a houseparty was… Wrong. More wrong then uni because it wasn’t supposed to happen in that setting. I was ‘safe’. There was about 15 of us, I was friends with them all and it was in someone’s home.
He followed me and sexually assaulted me. He grabbed my thighs so hard they bruised, squeezed my boobs and forcefully kissed me. I said no, I moved away and he did not care. He bruised my neck and left scratches on my body. Yet when I managed to escape and returned to the group it was like nothing has happened.
Eventually when I told my friends they didn’t really care/believe me because this guy was a ‘good guy’. Like me they couldn’t really believe it because he didn’t fit our perceived narrative of a threat. One even said ‘but he’s a nurse!’. As if that therefore meant what I had shared was impossible.
All my male friends either didn’t believe me, forgave him or ignored the entire sexual assault.
It hugely impacted my day to day life. I’m a primary school teacher and suddenly I hated being around male teachers, especially alone. After all, if a nurse can harm me, why not them? Everyone, absolutely everyone, was a threat. At a supermarket I would leave a queue if a man was behind me. I requested female doctors. I stopped going to the dentist. I stopped going for drinks with my friends. I stopped going swimming. I was alert all the time.
It’s now been a year since the sexual assault, I still have a small scar on my breast. I have been in therapy for the last 6 months and I’ve slowly claimed back the swimming pool. Most importantly I don’t blame myself because a lot of people, including his girlfriend, did.