University

Angel

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I am pleased to have found this platform. I encounter sexism daily; whether it’s being told to smile by strange men whilst walking down the street, being whistled at, being conned by mechanics or tradesmen, to being treated unfairly by family for being female (my brothers get all the privileges and freedom especially own growing up), close male friends smack my bottom, when I’ve told them I don’t like it, sharing their sexual stories, which I have zero interest in, and men from extended family joking about porn, as if it’s funny! I feel women just tolerate most of this rubbish. If we fight against it, we get called a psycho, a bitch etc. If I don’t say anything then the offences get worse as they think I am consenting to sexual favours? Are some men really that thick? Why are so many men from all walks of life, all cultures, ages, religions and societies so badly behaved?! I wish I didn’t have to deal with men entirely as I am that fed up of it. I can’t even get the gardener to do the lawn work you him asking to take me out because he knows I am single. I just ignore him as I don’t have time or energy to find another gardener (I’m a single mother of two boys). My ex used to come over for my son and demand that I hug him and he would invade my personal space. Until I had to shout at him! So, I’m the crazy psycho ex wife. Sexism in my view is the oldest form of prejudice and we can’t fight it. Forget about combating all the other forms of prejudice. I love my two boys to bits but I have lost faith in men. Girls need to be educated on sexual predators as in my view and from my experience there are too many out there.

Anon

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I work in a university. I recently had to support a female student who had been told she may not be fit to carry on with her course because she has disclosed to a lecturer that she’d experienced childhood sexual abuse. They thought this meant she would not be able to cope with her course and I should tell her she needed to withdraw. This felt like she was being punished twice and I was angry that she’d be seen as incapable due to the violence others have directed at her.

Julia

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I was raped by a man on my birthday, at my birthday party, in my own bed. It was my first sexual experience. I developed severe anxiety, a terrible self image, and a very difficult relationship with my own sexuality. Nearly 5 years later I am still dealing with its affects in my relationship with my current partner. I am so angry at what was stolen from me on that night. I am angry because every birthday of mine since then is totally overshadowed by what happened. I can no longer have birthday parties for fear of something bad happening. I am shocked by how much it is still affecting me, and how little support I have received from anyone in the 5 years since.

Beatrice Casini

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In college(Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois, circa 1991) when I was a sophomore, I often had multiple colleagues over to my apartment on campus (Student Apartment Complex) to study and chat. The apartment had two rooms and I had two female roommates and all of us were usually in attendance in the evenings. Sometimes folks would fall asleep, including me, when I was tired, trusting that those who remained awake would hang out and then let themselves out when they were ready. One night, I was lying down with my eyes closed (I can’t remember if I was asleep and was woken up by the incident or if I was drifting when it began; This is the first time I am attempting to write this down, over 30 years later.) What I DO know is that my breasts suddenly were being caressed by a male student. The touching was absolutely unwanted and I was instantly fully awake and aware of it. No one had asked me anything and there certainly was nothing of a remotely sexual nature going on beforehand – indeed, I am sure said student was certain that I was asleep and that his actions were being unobserved. I was horrified, deeply uncomfortable, shocked, scared, frozen… My panicked heart was beating fast…and I kept my eyes closed and pretended to be asleep until he stopped. I remember doing the fake sound-and-slightly-change-position thing to try and get them to naturally stop…but that didn’t work. For decades, I didn’t tell anyone. I now understand all the societal cues that conspire to teach girls and women “not to make a fuss”, to be embarassed by calling something like that out or engaging with a perpetrator, etc, etc. I knew who the person was. They were my peer, in my major, for years afterward (though I was always uncomfortable around them after that.) I never confronted or told them about it nor did I tell anyone else until decades later (only two people and with no specificity.) I know who they are. They live abroad in Dublin with a wife and children and can often be seen engaging in very intellectual, high-minded style commentary on social media. Every time I see that it makes me a little sick inside. For a long time, I put it on the back burner of my mind and said “No big deal” but, over the years, I have to admit, its bothered me more and more…and more. Now it makes me mad. The whole enormously tiny incident is so indicative of the casual pervasiveness of everyday sexual assault and my choice to let it go and let him off the hook, not only in the moment, but for decades afterward is heartbreaking to the woman I am now and women everywhere. I still know who it is and have a casual connection to his reality via Facebook. He dated my best friend back in the day. He has a family and is probably a decent person fella. So what. I have wanted to say out loud for a very long time that “nice”, “mild-mannered”, “sweet”, “generous”, “upright”, “thoughtful” [redacted by administrator] sexually assaulted me in college, got away with it and has made no effort to make amends to someone he supposedly likes. He has not ever acknowledged his deed in any way or apologized to me. I believe I have forgiven him but I had to do that work by myself and for myself with no effort from him and that sucked. He probably thinks we are friends to this day. We are not.

st marks college adelaide

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After a college party I was a little drunk, a guy I knew said he’d make me some food and walk me home. after talking for a while he pulled me on top of him and held my wrists, not letting me leave until i ripped away from him. when i reported it i was asked if i could have led him on and if i’d describe my behaviour as flirty. despite footage of me running away from him the dean of my college never quite believed me. I still feel like I led him on and overreacted even though i know thats wrong and even if i had been flirty that doesnt equal consent.

Valarie

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Im a freshman in college and I recently joined the women’s rugby team. This team drew my attention because rugby is a really powerful sport to me and the rules for women’s rugby and men’s rugby are very similar unlike a lot of sports who “soften” the rules for women as though we can’t handle the roughness of the sport. When I joined I was very excited to see women of all shapes and sizes join the sport but I did notice how there wasn’t a lot of us like the men’s team. Regardless we worked hard at practice and had fun while we were at it. As a bonding experience the team decided to have a pizza and drinks night and watch some rugby. There I found out that the women’s teams funding was no where near what the men’s team get. The women’s team has 6 alumni’s who give the team $100 each semester (not 100% accurate but it was around that) this in itself is extremely kind of them and i am grateful for them giving what they can. However, the men’s team has 30 people donating who give them $2,000+. This means they get better equipment than us, better transportation to games, and vacations with their team. This struck a nerve with me because we work just as hard as them, in the same sport, with the same rules. To make matters worst when I got back from the little party we had, I talked to some rugby guy friends I had, I told them about the money situation in which they informed me how the men’s coach constantly brags about how much more they get than the women’s team and how the guy player make fun of the girls while we are practicing. This was then followed by a comment by my friend about how if we practiced today instead of having a little party maybe we would be better and then get more money. This honestly makes me sad to be in a world that is clearly dominated and made for men. This experience made me want to make a difference in the world, be the change that helps women feel safer and more comfortable to be who they are. The only thing is, I don’t know where to start.

Rose

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I work as an independent contractor in a public educational establishment. Today I was sitting in reception waiting to meet someone and a man came in to make an enquiry. Instead of standing facing the receptionist as she assisted him, he went round the side of the L shaped desk so he could lean over her and watch what she was doing on her computer screen as she assisted him. He stood watching over her shoulder for a good 5 minutes. It gave me the creeps just watching it.

Anon

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In my second year of university a classmate was sexually assaulted by someone she didn’t know on holiday. Her boyfriend was part of a big group of friends in our department and he immediately broke up with her and blamed her for her own assault. The majority of the year group just decided that she was lying and male and female classmates alike stuck by her ex, visibly and vocally. They called her a liar and “crazy”. It felt like she was outcast. I accompanied her to the sexual health clinic afterwards when she found out she was pregnant and then later had an abortion. She took an overdose after the abortion and I just remember trying to get in touch with her parents to persuade them to check on her and please help her. I had thought her ex was a decent guy and I sometimes see him on Facebook and wonder if he has actually reckoned with his role in her assault. At the time I didn’t have a good understanding of feminism at all, I just felt it more instinctively. Now, looking back I am appalled at the situation she/we faced.

Anon

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I’m returning to university as a mature student. I’ve been placed in a study group with another woman my age, and a young man of roughly 18. Despite the reading list for this particular course being the first available, the boy showed up to our discussion without having even bought the book. In order to do the set work, we were obligated to provide him with a copy of the text (photocopied). He listened to our discussion, contributing nothing, then volunteered to present the work to the class. I said we should think about it and meet again later, after he’d actually read the work in question. He seemed annoyed, but agreed. On leaving the session, I happened to be a few people behind him in a lunch queue and overheard him bragging to a friend that this was his ‘study’ tactic – do nothing, then volunteer to talk because ‘housewives feel too old and fat to stand up in front of young people, so they tell me all the work they’ve done and I just have to say it.’. I confronted him after this – he was rude, implied I was making it up. I’ve refused to work with him in the presentation. Myself and the other student are meeting alone. I’ve emailed my tutor as to why. I haven’t had a response. I wonder how many young men have degrees due to the hard work of older women…

Tania

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Taking my daughter to move into her new flat in uni and knowing she needs to work to supplement her student maintenance grant, I start to look at businesses nearby- all the time thinking about only about the walk home from work, the route she might take and proximity to her flat. It dawns on me that once the Scottish winter nights come in at 3.30pm the chances of waking home safely from a job in daylight is nigh on impossible. I’m not there to pick her up after work & the meagre hourly rates don’t allow for a taxi home. As a parent I naturally think it’s now to dangerous for a young girl to take up the kind of bar or restaurant work that I did, maybe I have to cover the shortfall. And I think of all the women who risk serious danger to work in these jobs .. are many of them also thinking it’s not worth the risk to work in a pub, a restaurant, fast-food cafe, hotel? So now there’s another addition to the reasons why womens’employment is inherently sexist ( inequal pay , childcare provision etc) Now, it just too dangerous to earn a living through jobs that involve walking home in the dark. I’m so angry!