First woman to preside (do communion) at a church. I went the week before to get the lie of the land. When I went up for communion, the retired priest didn’t give the bread to me. He gave the communion bread to a server on a silver plate to give to me. He put communion into everyone’s hands except mine. #everydaymutualflourishing
One of my male colleagues [65 years old] looks at women’s breasts almost reflexively; doesn’t matter if they are also 65 [like mine].
I work in Mental Health as administrator to a psychiatric referral service. The issue with many of the newer NHS Trusts is that much time is spent on cultural diversity and upholding the Trust Mission statement, but not enough time is given to the culprits of sexism promotion – as a Black woman I get a great deal more criticism levelled at me for being educated, of colour and slim. I invest a lot of time in my social life outside of work because I do not want the people within it to poison and embitter me. I have already filed a complaint of sexism and racism against people in my department and I blamed my sensitivity for being unused to the workplace environment. Things have improved but I still feel relieved when the day is over.
Since reading your book ‘FIX THE SYSTEM, NOT THE WOMEN’ I started thinking about my ‘list’. I have always had inappropriate comments as a female engineer, however I started thinking all the times before being in the workplace and there are a few stand out moments – 1. At the age of 13 I was travelling by coach on a school skiing trip in Europe, asleep on the coach I was awakened by the boy sat next to me having unzipped my trousers and with his hands in my knickers – I had always been disgusted by this but I was in pure shock and didn’t know what to do, I haven’t ever told anyone. Until I began reading your book I hadn’t framed this as sexual assault but I imagine it actually is? 2. On the same skiing trip the same boy pulled down my swimming costume in a swimming pool surrounded by a group of pupils, I was mortified. 3. During my college years I was on a night out and was spiked and ended up in the back of an ambulance. 4. At university as the only girl on my course all the other students had a bet to see who could ‘shag me’, I didn’t find out until the final year, thankfully I hadn’t been attracted to any of them as I would have been horrified to learn the person was only with me for a bet. 5. I also used to have inappropriate comments from lecturers – one in particular used to say ‘where’s the pretty one today’, amongst other things. During a tensile testing lab session a piece of material shattered and one of the male students screamed, my lecturer said to me – ‘Kate we need to have a code, when you scream I don’t know if you’re pleasuring yourself or you’re scared’. I never went to any of his classes after that, I’d rather sacrifice my education than put up with the comments. 6. In previous engineering companies I have had ‘your arse looks great in that dress’, ‘we’ve all been to the pub and we all think you’re f*cking him’, ‘your boobs look really good today’, in my previous employment a group of male engineers had rated all the women in the office on their appearance/attractiveness and didn’t use our names, I was referred to as ‘Number 2’ for the length of my employment. 7. I’ve also had Uber drivers pull the car over, push their seat back and start touching my legs.
I work for a large company with offices in 4 major cities. The man who sexually harassed me works in IT. After just 7 days of rejecting his dauntless badgering, our entire network collapsed. He had been hinting at his power to tinker with my files. When I sought IT support from someone (a man) other than the Harasser, this other man suddenly disappeared from the company. Cue suicide threats. The Harasser hinted at a blog he kept, a “final manifesto” to the world. After 2 months of rejecting him, the Harasser sent me a link to the blog. I was STUNNED to read these terrifying ideas that had been running in the background, including warnings for me. The investigation starts this Wednesday. I feel exhausted, humiliated, and broken.
Throughout Primary School, Secondary School and College; most boys and young men would not get my attention by politely saying “please excuse me”, “good morning” or “good afternoon”. Instead these males would prod and poke me when I was reading a book or studying. They would yell “Oi!” grabbing my shoulders or poking me in the ribs. This made me jump when I was a little girl and these boys thought it was so funny to scare me and other females. These males would laugh with their friends while yelling in my ear: “Oi wakey wakey sweetheart! Stop ignoring me.” It became a sort of a horrid game where the boys and young men would dare each other to grab at and poke girls reading books or girls just trying to go about their business. These boys and young men would rarely say “Hello” to me but instead would shove me, pinch me, grab me, surprise bear hug me from behind or give me a firm poke. Those boys would say tactless things while invading my personal space and prodding me such as: “Stop reading that boring book darling.” When there was a girl wearing earbuds listening to music in class, sometimes the males would try to remove her earbuds without asking, shout rude words in her ear about her “cup size” and give her a shove. Sometimes when the boys and young men got really impatient at being “ignored” they’d call the girls and young women “skank”, “cunt”, “slag”, “bitch”, “slapper”, “slut” or “cow”. The boys would frequently comment on women’s and girls’ bodies throughout the school day. The boys would talk very loudly about which females were “well fit” or “fat slags”. I regret not reporting these incidences but there never seemed to be time given the intensive academic workload nor was there a designated person to talk to or message anonymously about these embarrassing and worrying incidents. Many of the teachers seemed overwhelmed by the boys and young men’s rude behaviours and were unsure how to stop these. Teachers referring the boys as “gentlemen” and trying to educate these young men about “personal and social relationships” didn’t do any good at all. The males’ poking, grabbing and verbal denigration of females continued. This was why I found it hard have polite and sensitive conversations with boys and young men. Their thoughtless behaviour made me feel sad and I mourn for the deep friendly social connections and thoughtful respectful conversations I never had the opportunity to have with them.
I was raped at 17 by a colleague double my age. 4 years later and I have had 4 officers assigned to the case after retiring or illness. Each time they left the force I wasn’t informed. This meant months were wasted waiting on replies from numbers and emails no longer in use. Resulting in me having to repeatedly chase up the force. After making a complaint to the police the responded saying they did everything right. They only just spoke to my rapist for the first I’ve last month … 4years later. At the time my boss didn’t believe me because I came in work the next day (despite hiding in the toilet and having a panic attack for most my shift). I was then told by my boss that conversing with my colleagues about it could result in me being accused of deformation of the company. I’m soon going into 5 years of this process and it’s so slow and angering. I feel failed by the police. Especially when the head of our local police was charged with rape himself. The whole system seems set out to fail me . It’s do disheartening.
My name is Kendall, and stepping into the tech world after college, I was unprepared for the pervasive sexism I would encounter. Despite my qualifications, I found myself constantly having to prove my worth as my male colleagues dismissed my ideas and belittled my abilities. Over time, the discrimination became more overt, with promotions going to less qualified men and inappropriate comments about my appearance becoming commonplace. Refusing to be silenced, I spoke up against the sexism, rallying allies within the company to push for change. Through perseverance and determination, I rose to a leadership position, spearheading initiatives to empower women in the workplace. Though the journey was challenging, I emerged stronger, using my experiences to fuel my passion for creating a more equitable world, one where gender does not determine one’s opportunities or treatment.
I am a secondary school teacher, during one of my planning periods I could hear a trainee teacher struggling with the behaviour of a class. This particular class, GCSE age, boy heavy could be rowdy at times. My intention was to stand in the room and assist with behaviour while the trainee focussed on teaching the lesson. As I stood in the doorway to survey the situation a boy loudly wolf whistled at me. I was shocked, I was a member of staff, a person and yet this boy thought it was acceptable to further disrupt the learning and disrespect me. Thankfully, the schools response was brilliant. They launched an investigation straight away, found the culprit and suspended him. Before he returned to school I was reassured by senior members of staff including the headteacher that this wasn’t tolerated and my safety was paramount. When the boy returned to school he gave me a formal apology. I don’t blame him, in fact now when we pass in the corridor he always says hello and is polite. What I do blame is the lack of support and education our young people are given about everyday sexism. As an educator, I know individual teachers try their best to prevent and tackle sexism but there is no wider support from society. Sexism is still largely accepted and our young people are falling victim to it.
I was 16 and my 23 year old Co worker would constantly make sexual remarks to me. He dropped me home once after work and asked me such sexual questions and said he wanted to be the seat I sat on, I never got a lift from him again. I’m 24 and I still think about this.