Jane

I just moved to a new big city in Germany to start university about 8 hours from my home. So I didn’t really know anyone, luckily there are these “bar nights” in my student home which are fun and very welcoming. Later that night when the bar got empty a group of people decided they would go to some bars. I thought this sounded great so I joined them. We had a really good time exploring all these cool places and ended up at a spot with a fantastic view (we were about 4 girls, 5 guys). On the way back to the subway this one guy started making comments about my backside. Because I hate destroying a good mood I started ignoring it at the beginning, but when he just didn’t end this I thought I can’t let him talk in that way, while nobody was saying something, I think everyone knew he was a bit disrespectful but nobody stepped in.

Him: ” Well, there is a small sign of the brand of your pants on your ass”
Me: “Ok, don’t you have anything better to do than stare at it?”
Him:” You have a really nice ass, most women are insecure about it, but I can assure you, yours is not to big.”
Me:”Well, firstly did I say I need your opinion on my body and secondly did I mention I had any insecurities?”
Him:” Since you don’t want to talk about it, I guess you have. Come on I mean it in a really friendsly way.”
Me:”Can’t we just leave it there and talk about something else?”
But the conversation just didn’t end. Everybody was just listening and listening.

Usually I am a super easy going person, who doesn’t care much about people saying, critizising people or getting the mood down. But there I was feeling like I was maybe prude or intolerant. This really stuck in my mind. And while nothing had happend phisically, I started to get really annoyed about this and ask myself these couple of questions.

-why did the guy just didn’t stop? We were talking for maybe 30 minutes about that. Eventhough I made breaks and made clear signs that it is just enough now.
– Am I just overreacting?
– Why is someone allowed to judge, to comment, to talk about my body?
– why did nobody step in, eventhough I could tell by the way they looked they agreed on my view.