Enraged & depressed

At school, there’s a group of boys who have decided it is ‘cool’ to be misogynistic. They use the word ‘feminist’ as an insult. They make jokes about rape, all the fucking time, in every way they can think of. They sit around, spending time deliberately and loudly imitating, mocking, trivialising and insulting women who speak up about sexism and sexual harassment in society. They imitate and mock rape victims with PTSD and just carry on and on in the most awful way. This group of guys is doing STEM subjects and in some classes I am literally the only girl who takes those classes because it is so unpleasant to be around them and the teachers do nothing to stop it. I have tried talking to them, I have tried arguing, I have got into an hour-long shouting argument with some of these boys and I am obviously a man-hater. They say bullshit things like that they wouldn’t actually make rape jokes in front of a girl who’s actually been raped; but at the same time, they say that anyone who reacts emotionally to what they do and say just ‘has hurt feelings’ and has a duty to desensitise to it, because ‘the world’ (their behaviour) is not going to change.

My best friend has been raped repeatedly, starting when she was eight years old, and has PTSD, anxiety disorders, clinical depression, an eating disorder, and self-harm after what she has gone through. She is unable to argue with them. She freezes in shock and horror and has panic attacks and shakes uncontrollably for hours. I argue on her behalf. Our other friend doesn’t stand up so well, so she tries to find ways to get our friend out of the class to talk to her – which involves lying to the teachers to get a pretext – and to try to reduce how much she is exposed to this and talk to her. Some days I’m the only one there, and on those days I always prioritise looking after my friend to arguing. Both actions are consistent with my values, it’s no question, but I get some people expecting me to fulfil my ‘job’ of calling them out all day everyday no matter what, despite the need to help my friend. I feel awful being in a situation where a decision like that even comes up. I feel so awful having to walk in to that school every day.

And it’s a predominantly internet-spread – 4chan etc – thing, so I don’t have any hope for our generation. This culture is spreading everywhere. It’s not geographically limited, moving schools would do nothing. This is a new norm.