I am in recovery from addiction. I attend regular recovery meetings. I routinely wear large, baggy clothing to draw as little attention to myself and my body as possible when at these meetings. I am probabaly the youngest person in the room, at 20 yrs old. Today I went to a meeting. I was enjoying myself, laughing, smiling, hugging friends. At the end of the meeting a newcomer, someone new in recovery, who I’ve seen at other meetings, came up to me. He knew my name and has hit on me before, which I was very uncomfortable with. Today this dude called me “mama.” This isn’t uncommon in these meetings. Men will refer to me as their “baby”, “honey”, “girl”. I don’t even identify as a woman, I’m gender queer. It’s just infuriating because I have been coming to these meetings for over two years, and it has not gotten any better.
I’m considering talking to other about it, speaking up. I might share and be angry. I’m so sick of feeling unsafe in public spaces. I’m so sick of feeling like I owe a man a smile, hug, or laugh when I don’t want to. It’s exhausting and a waste of my time. I am sick of prioritizing others’ comfort over my own safety. On top of it all, I need these meetings. I can’t just not go. But I do have a choice here:to speak up or stay silent. I’m starting to get sick of choosing the latter.